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Original poster

Choking during sex, is this normal

635 replies

IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:15

I went on a date last night and we ended up getting drunk and having sex. Everything was fine and I was enjoying it but at one point when he was on top of me he put his hands around my neck for a few seconds (not hard, and then he stopped and we switched positions) I didn't say anything. Is this normal? I've never experienced it before. We got on well and he wants to see me again...

OP posts:
dreammattemousse · 07/03/2022 21:28

Fucking hell

That would be a no from me

MrsEdnaWelthorpe · 07/03/2022 21:28

I've read about this occurring in a lot of porn and young women feeling pressured into going along with it, so could someone help out a middle aged woman here and explain why it's a big thing in online porn? As a 50 year old it just isn't something I have ever come across - where has the idea of choking your partner during sex come from, and why would someone enjoy it?

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 21:29

You know this isn’t normal. You must know.

heyitsthistle · 07/03/2022 21:30

I'm going against the grain here... I love being choked during sex.

That said, it should be up to the person who likes being choked to move the other person's hands to their throat. It should never be done without consent.

Whatthefuck3456 · 07/03/2022 21:31

Sounds like fun to me I’d definitely do second date

DahliaMacNamara · 07/03/2022 21:31

I'm glad I'm too old for this shit. No, it's not normal. Do men get the hands around the throat treatment too? Serious question.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 07/03/2022 21:31

I’d be off.

Consent first is key. For everything sex related.

georgarina · 07/03/2022 21:32

That happened to me once. Just for a second and not hard but scary and I didn't like it.

Tell him?

heyitsthistle · 07/03/2022 21:32

I don't watch porn, and neither does my DH. It's something I've always enjoyed since I started having sex.

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2022 21:32

@heyitsthistle

I'm going against the grain here... I love being choked during sex.

That said, it should be up to the person who likes being choked to move the other person's hands to their throat. It should never be done without consent.

It’s not normal to choke someone without asking first.
Crazykatie · 07/03/2022 21:32

Too much porn for sure

Somebodylikeyew · 07/03/2022 21:34

I think it’s become more normalised in recent years, but I also think any decent man would know to check first.

Would you feel able to say “Hey, that wasn’t ok” to him?

Skelligsfeathers · 07/03/2022 21:34

@MrsEdnaWelthorpe

I've read about this occurring in a lot of porn and young women feeling pressured into going along with it, so could someone help out a middle aged woman here and explain why it's a big thing in online porn? As a 50 year old it just isn't something I have ever come across - where has the idea of choking your partner during sex come from, and why would someone enjoy it?
This. Exactly this. I have had lots of sex in my time and this was NEVER a thing.
HoldingTheDoor · 07/03/2022 21:34

No decent man would strangle a woman, whether or not she "consented" to it.

Original poster
IsThisNormalOr · 07/03/2022 21:35

Thanks for the comments everyone. I think I would be able to tell him that it wasn't ok, but I doubt I'll be seeing him again after reading all these comments! I'm fairly inexperienced. He seemed really nice and normal and I was hoping that it was just because we were both so wasted.

OP posts:
PicaK · 07/03/2022 21:35

Porn overdose.

DrDetriment · 07/03/2022 21:36

No it bloody well isn't normal. Run and block.

cherrysthename · 07/03/2022 21:37

Very common place now, yes (I blame porn)

Bizawit · 07/03/2022 21:37

He shouldn’t have done that on a first date without asking. However, if there are no other red flags, you really like him and you were both wasted, I would perhaps try having a conversation. Tell him that it made you really uncomfortable and he shouldn’t do anything like that again without asking. His reaction should give you more info. I wouldn’t write him off immediately necessarily without a convo. On the other hand if you feel unsafe around him then definitely follow your instincts!!

Yamalt · 07/03/2022 21:37

Why is this a fucking trend, porn or not.

I doubt there is a trend to strangulate straight men during sex.

Hasselhoffsheadband · 07/03/2022 21:38

@HoldingTheDoor

No decent man would strangle a woman, whether or not she "consented" to it.
Exactly.

What kind of bloke ever gets off from 'choking' his sexual partner, let alone on a first date?

Bin him.

Chasingaftermidnight · 07/03/2022 21:39

Very commonplace in porn now. But absolutely not normal.

SunshineCake1 · 07/03/2022 21:40

Block. Delete. Learn some boundaries and self esteem.

First time in bed and he thinks that is okay to do. Fucking hell.

worriedmum2022 · 07/03/2022 21:41

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/MurderoffGraceMillane

I remember reading about this in the news

Greenfields124 · 07/03/2022 21:41

No way.
I agree with PP sounds like he's been watching too much porn.