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If your parter was bisexual would it bother you?

275 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 05/03/2022 20:17

I'm watching the love is blind on Netflix and one of the people participating has been with both men and women, but has decided he wants to be with a woman and has gone on the show

Anyway it got me thinking and would a man being bisexual put you off him?

I used to have a boyfriend who I knew had kissed other men when drunk a few times

He was AMAZING in bed, absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with him quickly, it never even occurred to me to be bothered that he'd kissed men. Although he hadn't had sex with a man as far as he told me, so perhaps that different?

Interested to hear others thoughts

OP posts:
Strictlyfanoftenyears · 06/03/2022 11:42

Ive not seen anything on this thread that thinks bisexual people are promiscuous? Why are posters derailing this thread with this accusation?

Erinyes · 06/03/2022 12:52

My last boyfriend before DH was bi. I can’t say it ever caused me much thought. His relationship before me was with a man, and after me he married a woman — they appear very happy and have children.

ScrollingLeaves · 06/03/2022 14:11

“RedRobyn2021

ScrollingLeaves
What happened to that boyfriend you once had who was so wonderful?

As he’s not around now, in spite of being so special, I wondered if by any chance his possibly being bisexual had affected how you related to him?

He was offered a job he wanted and it was on the other side of the country and he took it

I don't really know what went wrong except maybe he didn't love me?

It was a long time ago”

It sounded as though you were happy with him💐

bluesberry · 06/03/2022 14:34

@gannett

Of course MN's weirdness about trans people rears its head on this subject but it's a total red herring, the analogy about lesbians fancying trans women or not doesn't fit.

The "I only fancy MANLY men and the idea of my husband messing around with another man repulses me" just reminds me of twatty misogynistic men who think a woman who's had sex with many men before them, or a colourful sexual history of any sort, or who's done certain acts they deem slutty, is somehow dirty and stained.

Whether your manly husbands have had sexual contact with other men, or sexual thoughts about other men, makes no difference to their physical attractiveness, or their moral attractiveness, or their character. To think otherwise is pure prejudice.

At root you think gay sex is unmanly, dirty and repulsive.

YOU are the one showing prejudice here and assigning a whole root meaning to peoples preferences that isn't true.

At root you think gay sex is unmanly dirty and repulsive
Nope, not at all.

ChickenStripper · 06/03/2022 14:36

@Strictlyfanoftenyears

Ive not seen anything on this thread that thinks bisexual people are promiscuous? Why are posters derailing this thread with this accusation?
You are right.
Thewindwhispers · 06/03/2022 15:04

I’d find a bisexual guy unattractive in the same way that I’d find it unattractive if a straight guy was into anal sex. The anus is not a sexy area to me and I’m not attracted to people who think it is.

bluesberry · 06/03/2022 16:35

@DottyHarmer

Picking up on a point from page one, those who are LGBTQ++++ always bang on about their “identity” and even how they are their identity.

Therefore, why can’t heterosexuals have an identity and preferences too? We all have eyes and however faithful we are, it’s only natural to ogle an attractive person. I would have a problem with Dh fancying men.

Yes unfortunately it doesn't apply to straight people!

The irony of people who refuse to accept straight peoples description of their own sexual identity...by calling those people biphobic.

I think it does more harm than good to members of the bi community to call it biphobia.

Why not just normalise acceptance of the fact that some straight people are only attracted to straight people?

People can berate people, call them biphobic, criticise or challenge their preferences, say x, y and z but STILL the person who only wants to date straight people will only want to date who they want to date, so why take it personally?

If it was normalised and accepted then it wouldn't be taken so personally, calling it biphobic is just telling bisexual people to be offended by it, telling bi people that some straight people think you're dirty or repulsive when that's not what we even think!

People try to be woke and PC, but they can be as woke as they want and try to push for social change but that WILL NOT change peoples sexualities and preferences.

Monosexuality is romantic or sexual attraction to members of one sex or gender only.

I just heard this term and it is used in contrast to bisexuality, apparently it can be offensive but what isn't these days....

It's not a label I'd really use but for the purposes of this thread I am happy to call myself monosexual as I am a woman who is exclusively attracted to men.

The concept that some monosexual people might only be attracted to other monosexual people makes absolutely perfect sense, but some people look at that very logical thing and decide there must be something sinister about it or that it makes no sense at all.

Bisexual people sometimes prefer to only date other bisexual people as they say they understand the experience of being bisexual better so it also makes sense that 'monosexual' people too are drawn to those sharing the same experience.

There are some bisexual people who will sleep with men and women but only want to date men or they only want to date women and they just wouldn't ever consider dating the other. Those nuances in sexual identity are accepted but straight people who won't date bisexual people are biphobic?

georama · 06/03/2022 16:46

Someone’s sexuality is a part of their identity, therefore I would expect people to reveal their sexual preference at the beginning of the relationship.

So when you go on a first date with someone, do you expect him to say 'hi, I'm John and I'm heterosexual'? Or do you just ask?

DottyHarmer · 06/03/2022 16:47

Yes. I thought biphobia was, well, prejudice concerning, as a pp mentioned, getting a job, or verbally abusing someone etc etc.

Biphobia is when you yourself are not a practitioner? Confused What silliness.

Clymene · 06/03/2022 16:52

It's so weird there's been two threads in the last few days telling women off for their sexual preferences and shouting BIGOT at them. ConfusedHmm

DaisyWaldron · 06/03/2022 16:55

When someone says they wouldn't be attracted to a bisexual person, it feels to me pretty much the same as when a man says that he wouldn't be attracted to a woman who'd had had a sexual partner before him. And of course attraction is attraction, and if that's how somebody's sexuality works, I'm not going to say they are wrong, or a bad person, and I certainly wouldn't pressure them to change their mind. But I do think that it reveals stuff about what they are like as a partner and about their view of the world and their own personal values, and I would probably avoid any sort of close relationship with them.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 06/03/2022 17:00

Only in the case of infidelity, but that would apply regardless.

Explorer233 · 06/03/2022 17:19

I saw the programme and am inclined to go along the opinion that if he was fully committed to Diamond and faithful then it would be ok . It was in his past and we can’t change our past . If he said that he d also want to date men then that maybe where she had a problem . I am bisexual and find some of these comments offensive .
Everyone is different and our differences should be accepted

mummykel16 · 06/03/2022 18:02

@Wanderingowl

Bullshit. You aren't confused. You are trying to make some sort of gotcha point and don't give a shit that you are fucking over one of the most increasingly marginalised groups in our society to do so. The narrative you are pushing here is disrespectful and downright dangerous for lesbians. And I for one won't be letting it go uncalled out.

Leave lesbians the fuck alone.

Vvv well said
ChickenStripper · 06/03/2022 18:02

@Explorer233

I saw the programme and am inclined to go along the opinion that if he was fully committed to Diamond and faithful then it would be ok . It was in his past and we can’t change our past . If he said that he d also want to date men then that maybe where she had a problem . I am bisexual and find some of these comments offensive . Everyone is different and our differences should be accepted
Everyone is different and our differences should be accepted

agree and even people who do not want to date bisexuals.

owlinnahat · 06/03/2022 18:58

@DaisyWaldron

When someone says they wouldn't be attracted to a bisexual person, it feels to me pretty much the same as when a man says that he wouldn't be attracted to a woman who'd had had a sexual partner before him. And of course attraction is attraction, and if that's how somebody's sexuality works, I'm not going to say they are wrong, or a bad person, and I certainly wouldn't pressure them to change their mind. But I do think that it reveals stuff about what they are like as a partner and about their view of the world and their own personal values, and I would probably avoid any sort of close relationship with them.
Yes, very much agree. If a friend made those kind of comments about bisexuals I don't think I'd be comfortable with her as a friend in future. Much as I'd not be comfortable with being friends with a man who said he would not be attracted to a woman with multiple previous sexual partners. It would just say something about their values and their world view that would be a deal breaker for me.
Cameleongirl · 06/03/2022 19:08

Many posters haven’t said that they wouldn’t be initially attracted to a bisexual person though, they’ve said that they probably wouldn’t pursue a LTR with someone who was bisexual (regardless of their own sexuality).

The reasons for not pursuing a LTR aren’t always rational, but then feelings aren’t rational!

Clymene · 06/03/2022 19:42

@DaisyWaldron

When someone says they wouldn't be attracted to a bisexual person, it feels to me pretty much the same as when a man says that he wouldn't be attracted to a woman who'd had had a sexual partner before him. And of course attraction is attraction, and if that's how somebody's sexuality works, I'm not going to say they are wrong, or a bad person, and I certainly wouldn't pressure them to change their mind. But I do think that it reveals stuff about what they are like as a partner and about their view of the world and their own personal values, and I would probably avoid any sort of close relationship with them.
I'm bisexual and I'd be disappointed but I accept it. It's happened to me.

Not respecting other people's sexual boundaries by calling them a bigot for having them is really dodgy.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 06/03/2022 19:44

I can't pretend to understand why people are less attracted to bisexual people, but I accept that it is the case.

I'm bi and have no real preference about DHs sexuality as long as it's me he's attracted to. Who he's been attracted to in the past, who he's been with in the past makes no difference to me. In fact, I don't think I've ever outright asked him if he's ever been attracted to men because I don't care.

I fully believe that sexuality is a spectrum. I'm floating around the middle somewhere but favour men...well... Specifically DH.

If he told me he was bi, id want to know what has made him discover this at this stage in life. Has he always pondered about this or is it a new revelation?

turnaroundtime · 06/03/2022 19:48

@AlternativePerspective

If you were in a happy relationship with someone for a very long time and then found out they were bisexual and had had same sex dalliances before they met you then would you suddenly not find them attractive anymore? yes. Because the relationship would have been built on a lie.
Not necessarily. You meet someone. You get on. You get the fanny gallops. You date and really like each other. You get serious and are exclusive. All is great. Your families and friends live each other. Over the the course of things you talk about many things and it comes out that many years ago he had a relationship/dalliance with a man. What happens? You suddenly go off him?
Comedycook · 06/03/2022 19:52

Over the the course of things you talk about many things and it comes out that many years ago he had a relationship/dalliance with a man. What happens? You suddenly go off him?

Well maybe? People "go off" their partners all the time for all sorts of reasons don't they? Romantic love is not unconditional. We can fall out of love and attraction can wane for many reasons

holibobs12 · 06/03/2022 20:13

When someone says they wouldn't be attracted to a bisexual person, it feels to me pretty much the same as when a man says that he wouldn't be attracted to a woman who'd had had a sexual partner before him.

Nobody has to date anyone, or to be attracted to anyone. You wouldn't even be compatible with such a person so why get worked up? Let it go, it's fine. If you get offended by every preference people have you're in for a long ride

Glitteringduck · 06/03/2022 23:29

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bluesberry · 07/03/2022 00:35

@mummykel16
Another one ignoring the sheer hypocrisy by that poster!

mummykel16 · 07/03/2022 01:32

That is one hell of an assumption.

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