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Original poster

If your parter was bisexual would it bother you?

275 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 05/03/2022 20:17

I'm watching the love is blind on Netflix and one of the people participating has been with both men and women, but has decided he wants to be with a woman and has gone on the show

Anyway it got me thinking and would a man being bisexual put you off him?

I used to have a boyfriend who I knew had kissed other men when drunk a few times

He was AMAZING in bed, absolutely gorgeous and I fell in love with him quickly, it never even occurred to me to be bothered that he'd kissed men. Although he hadn't had sex with a man as far as he told me, so perhaps that different?

Interested to hear others thoughts

OP posts:
dirtyjoan · 06/03/2022 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post.

Shoxfordian · 06/03/2022 08:25

It wouldn’t bother me at all

anewlife22 · 06/03/2022 08:28

So much prejudice and ignorance on here. Have had a short relationship with someone I didn't know was bi. Definitely one of the sexiest people I have ever met. And no it didn't bother me in the least. Although I would say for him female connections were different to male in the emotional/transactional sense so I'm not sure it is completely the same for either sex.

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 06/03/2022 09:37

@mulberrybag

COMPLETELY off topic, but I've just binged the whole series and didn't pick up on this at all - who was it ?
Sorry I went to bed

I finished watching series 2 and decide to watch series 1, it's Carlton who is bisexual and Diamond is the lady he wants to marry

I'm only on episode 3

OP posts:
mysweetlemonpie · 06/03/2022 09:40

It would put me off, it wouldn't be my preference to date a bi-sexual man.
It's not the sex stuff, more that I would feel insecure that I wouldn't be enough for them and there's double the temptation out there for them.

DottyHarmer · 06/03/2022 09:44

Picking up on a point from page one, those who are LGBTQ++++ always bang on about their “identity” and even how they are their identity.

Therefore, why can’t heterosexuals have an identity and preferences too? We all have eyes and however faithful we are, it’s only natural to ogle an attractive person. I would have a problem with Dh fancying men.

Didimum · 06/03/2022 09:46

Yes, it would put me off. Do I think that this is down to my internalised biphobia? Yes, I do. Do I think I should think differently? Yes, I do.

ikeepseeingit · 06/03/2022 09:50

This is why I don’t tell anyone that I’m bi. My husband knows of course, so it shouldn’t matter any further than that. But there is a look that I get if I ever mention it in passing. They change their behaviour even though I’m the same person. I think people don’t understand why I’m married to a man if I’m bi because for some reason I couldn’t possibly be sexually satisfied without both in my life at all times. My dad told me that in a round about way when I told him so I never bothered to tell my mum or the rest of my family. I give up at this point.

gannett · 06/03/2022 09:55

Of course MN's weirdness about trans people rears its head on this subject but it's a total red herring, the analogy about lesbians fancying trans women or not doesn't fit.

The "I only fancy MANLY men and the idea of my husband messing around with another man repulses me" just reminds me of twatty misogynistic men who think a woman who's had sex with many men before them, or a colourful sexual history of any sort, or who's done certain acts they deem slutty, is somehow dirty and stained.

Whether your manly husbands have had sexual contact with other men, or sexual thoughts about other men, makes no difference to their physical attractiveness, or their moral attractiveness, or their character. To think otherwise is pure prejudice.

At root you think gay sex is unmanly, dirty and repulsive.

Obira · 06/03/2022 09:55

“ Ah, you’re that type of biphobe.”
I’m not biphobic, I just don’t fancy them. I’m not female phobic, I just don’t fancy them. I’m not short people phobic, I just don’t fancy them. I’m not slim people phobic, I just don’t fancy them. I’m allowed to have sexual preferences and not fancy people.

DropYourSword · 06/03/2022 09:59

As long as someone was faithful to me I can't see why on earth I'd be bothered if they were bisexual!

TheVolturi · 06/03/2022 10:05

I don't think it should matter in theory. Although if your husband also fancies men then can a woman fully satisfy his desires? I really don't know the answer to that. But it might make fantasising together a bit more fun 🤔

curlymom · 06/03/2022 10:05

It wouldn’t bother me as a preference but it would if it meant they wouldn’t be exclusive to me. It would also be a deal breaker if I found out after we were committed to each other

holibobs12 · 06/03/2022 10:11

@gannett

Of course MN's weirdness about trans people rears its head on this subject but it's a total red herring, the analogy about lesbians fancying trans women or not doesn't fit.

The "I only fancy MANLY men and the idea of my husband messing around with another man repulses me" just reminds me of twatty misogynistic men who think a woman who's had sex with many men before them, or a colourful sexual history of any sort, or who's done certain acts they deem slutty, is somehow dirty and stained.

Whether your manly husbands have had sexual contact with other men, or sexual thoughts about other men, makes no difference to their physical attractiveness, or their moral attractiveness, or their character. To think otherwise is pure prejudice.

At root you think gay sex is unmanly, dirty and repulsive.

I really couldn't get worked up by this. If someone wants a less sexual woman, that's whatever. A more manly man? Go for it. We all have preferences that would offend someone.

And for me, I'm not bothered by gay sex, but if someone else is turned off by their partner going it, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, or at least not that they can control.

Comedycook · 06/03/2022 10:15

I'd consider someone biphobic if they denied someone a job based on their sexuality...or if they refused to be friends with them based solely on their sexuality or if they thought bisexual people should have less rights within society.

Not wanting to have sex with them though? No. Someone's reasons for not wanting to have sex with someone else are not necessarily rational or explainable and that's fine. It's not an equal opportunities kind of situation.

As for those saying that if you have a physical attraction to someone then that shouldn't change based on other aspects of them...Well how shallow and superficial. Attraction is way more than physical. I've seen really good looking men before and when I've got to know them, didn't like their personalities (not talking about sexuality by the way) or gel with them and the attraction dissipates. Likewise I've met men who I haven't found physically attractive but as I've got to know them, their personality has shone through and then attraction grows. So attraction is not just about looks. We are attracted to a person as whole.

ShowOfHands · 06/03/2022 10:16

@gannett

Of course MN's weirdness about trans people rears its head on this subject but it's a total red herring, the analogy about lesbians fancying trans women or not doesn't fit.

The "I only fancy MANLY men and the idea of my husband messing around with another man repulses me" just reminds me of twatty misogynistic men who think a woman who's had sex with many men before them, or a colourful sexual history of any sort, or who's done certain acts they deem slutty, is somehow dirty and stained.

Whether your manly husbands have had sexual contact with other men, or sexual thoughts about other men, makes no difference to their physical attractiveness, or their moral attractiveness, or their character. To think otherwise is pure prejudice.

At root you think gay sex is unmanly, dirty and repulsive.

I wouldn't have a relationship with somebody who is bisexual. I do not think anything at all about gay sex. It's simply sex.

I am not biphobic in the slightest. I do have extremely strong preferences.

My dh btw? Not a manly man at all. Quite the opposite though I'd posit that manly is not even a thing as far as I'm concerned but as I understand the stereotype, dh does not fulfil it.

thecatneuterer · 06/03/2022 10:26

It wouldn't bother me and it hasn't bothered me in the past. A surprisingly large proportion of my exes have been bi. So that means that I'm either subconsciously attracted to bi men (which is unlikely as, when I met them, there was nothing that would have 'given it away') or, probably more likely, that it's more common than people think and they have felt able to tell me about it. In fact some said that it was something they rarely told partners about due to the reactions we've seen in this thread I suppose.

OhDearMuriel · 06/03/2022 10:31

Not if he was the last man on earth.

alwayswrighty · 06/03/2022 10:32

As long as they were honest from the outset, no it wouldn't bother me.

I have been married to a bisexual man who wasn't honest and cheated. It was the lack of honesty and cheating that was the problem, not the fact he was bisexual.

Sheeeeeysh · 06/03/2022 10:32

I'm bisexual. I would be really hurt if DP saw that as su h a negative thing like lots of you seem to :(

holibobs12 · 06/03/2022 10:39

@Sheeeeeysh

I'm bisexual. I would be really hurt if DP saw that as su h a negative thing like lots of you seem to :(

That's unlikely in all honesty because bisexual women are viewed as more attractive by men. Whereas men are ashamed to come out as bisexual and there's a massive stigma

Elsiebear90 · 06/03/2022 10:42

I’m a lesbian and I have dated bi women in the past and it never ended well, they were mostly in the closet (or open to friends but not family) and always ended up with men in the end. I don’t blame them in some ways as it’s much easier, but this is why a lot of lesbians don’t date bi women, it’s not a phobia or because we hate that they’re into men it’s because we’ve had too many negative experiences with them. My fiancée also had the same issues when dating bi women, it’s very common. They also seemed to want our relationships to emulate heterosexual relationships as that’s what they were used to and comfortable with, but I’m not into playing the role of a man, some lesbians are, but it’s not my thing.

I’m engaged to another lesbian so not an issue now, but I think if I ever were single again as long as the woman was open about being bi and had had long term relationships with women I would be okay with it. I’ve just had too many bad experiences with closeted bi women who just wanted to experiment before they settled down with a man and it’s really put me off.

WhenPushComesToShove · 06/03/2022 11:03

Definitely no!

ShowOfHands · 06/03/2022 11:05

@Sheeeeeysh

I'm bisexual. I would be really hurt if DP saw that as su h a negative thing like lots of you seem to :(
Not wanting to have relationships with people who are bi =/= believing being bi to be a negative thing.

These threads always attract some shitty comments but the basic tenet remains that anybody can draw their sexual preferences in a way that is right for them. It shouldn't be assumed a comment on your sexuality. If it is then that's bigotry but the two issues are different.

Original poster
RedRobyn2021 · 06/03/2022 11:34

@ScrollingLeaves

What happened to that boyfriend you once had who was so wonderful?

As he’s not around now, in spite of being so special, I wondered if by any chance his possibly being bisexual had affected how you related to him?

He was offered a job he wanted and it was on the other side of the country and he took it

I don't really know what went wrong except maybe he didn't love me?

It was a long time ago

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