Tick tock: the one where Geller discovers Polly is no longer a doormat

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

AKA Co-parenting: I do not think it means what you think it means

Here we go again my lovelies! Will this be the one where I finally get divorced?!

Previous thread here

I have clock news! Turns out, no one wants it. Quelle surprise. Could I sell it? No, sez I, it’s worth ha’penny tuppence on a good day. Plus, no time.

Ha ha.

I suggested, because I am a kind hearted soul and because it’s already in a box and I don’t know which one that they keep the clock face and I get rid of the mechanism and the case. That appears to be a reasonable compromise. Pass me an axe.

The reason for the clock conversation? My brother phoned. My mother has given away my grandfather’s WW1 medals to a museum. WTF?! We’re going to try and get them back. She can’t see what she’s done wrong.

Solicitors on the other side for the house purchase are useless. Estate agent spoke to them today. They are awaiting proof of ID and funds on account?! WTF. I lost my shit a bit. I’d just come back from having a filling so I sounded three gins down, which I’m sure added to the effect.

Oh, and I haven’t stopped laughing for the last hour. A friend has found Geller’s profile on a dating app. It contains such gems as ‘addressing climate change one word at a time in my career as a professional’ and goes on to claim he ‘always has time’

Given me the best laugh I’ve had since my solicitor said she’d call me just to be sure that I wanted to file for absolute once the finance order is made…

Anyway, buckle up loves. It’ll be a ride, as ever…glad you could join me.

A hitman is curiously appealing. I’ve had a couple of offers to…erm…shall we say, have a word and then some. I’m not going to bore you with the latest, I’m boring myself even thinking about it. But I wouldn’t do that to the Dollies. And I’m not a violent person. I tend to think the best revenge is living well. However, it’s becoming increasingly tempting.

I am longing for the day the financial settlement is signed (still no sign of the finished paperwork) and the absolute applied for. Then I can tell him to FUCK RIGHT OFF.

You know how people on here ask how you know when it’s over, when they haven’t yet realised it is over if they’re asking strangers on the internet about whether it really is over? (No shade, I had one of those myself). For me it was when he was late home from somewhere and I used to fantastise that there would be a knock on the door and it would be the police. That’s so awful of me, but it’s been going round and round in my head lately.

My mother has sent Geller a birthday card. It says HAPPY RETIREMENT on the front.

@AnneKipankitoo welcome! I’ve got a history degree, have done our family history - did loads on maternity leave and gave it all to her - a few years ago when we were talking about the medals I did some more research for her. I’m also the custodian of the family Bible on my father’s side. I think she could make a fair stab at me being interested!

Thank god I haven’t given notice on my rental. I’m going to have a discussion with the estate agent today about realistic dates. I am utterly fed up, and it’s costing me a lot of money (will have to have the oil tank refilled, and that’s five times the price it was, plus the rent is double what my mortgage will be)

Parents tried to give me some money over the weekend. In the most begrudging and controlling way ever. It was to be a gift. Only to be used on the house and for something long term like carpets and curtains. And not repayable but I was to make sure that I built up savings to that amount in case they need it back in the future.

I said thanks but no thanks. Even if I have to live on air for three months, I don’t want their money. The way they went about it you’d have thought they were about to give me £100k or something, as they started with a lecture about not getting into debt. It was £6k. Not worth the angst and emotional control.

It’s a lovely day and I’ve a run planned later with a colleague and I’m about to get up and take a neighbours daughter to school as Covid has hit them. Will be funny doing the school run without the Dollies!

@StuckInPollyannaMode

It was to be a gift. Only to be used on the house and for something long term like carpets and curtains. And not repayable but I was to make sure that I built up savings to that amount in case they need it back in the future.

Wow!! What a qualified "gift"!! Even if the amount had been £100K you'd have needed to think long and hard about it - so they are trying to control you with a relatively small sum and keep you off balance.

You must be doing something right if they feel they need to try and chain you this way - especially following the car fiasco from your father..

I hope you manage to put a bomb under whoever is slowing down your house purchase - good luck!! 🌹

What an offer. So they can wait until your thrown off balance by an unexpected bill in the future (nothing you can handle but just when you’ve replace the boiler or put in a new kitchen or something large) and then demand they’re £6k back. All the while going on about how generous they were to lend it in the first place (the “gift” that they might want back).

Argh

Nothing you can’t handle
Their £6

That would be the most expensive £6k ever!
Your parents are desperate to keep some control over you aren't they.

Loving the birthday card

Safe to say your Mum's cognitive function is declining!!

Glad you said no to the £6k so utterly controlling

When a gift is not a gift …. ! I think you are wise to decline. They couldn’t force you to give the money back but the emotional and mental fall-out would not help you, I think.

Did your dad sign the ‘unbirthday’ card, I wonder? Or did your mum just send it off her own bat? It does seem to suggest that she is having some challenges. Have you tried talking to your dad about her strange actions?

Great news that the Dollies got good reports from the school. Shows you’re on the right path!

Sorry the other stuff is dragging on. Fingers crossed these are just blips and that everything speed up soon.

It’s about Borderline Personality Disorders, not cognitive function. Mum knows that @StuckInPollyannaMode is into history. She just didn’t give a shit in that moment. However she disposed of the medals was the easiest and most immediately gratifying then and there. Now she’s making shit up rather than admitting it.

I was referring to the retirement card tbh! Unless she is dropping unsubtle hints to Gellar that he should retire so he no longer has to pay maintenance.

Oh sorry! I just think the retirement card is bloody funny. Did he have a significant birthday? Maybe she’s showing that she doesn’t care as much now - enough to buy him his own card, just give him any old thing that’s hanging around the house.

Another possibility is that Polly's mum did give the medals to the person who was "helping" her clear out and that woman has pocketed them.

It's feasible on either (or both) a reduction in mental function (so more easily conned) or spitefulness (deliberately giving them away).

Batman has the Batphone.

You will obviously need the Twatphone.

Honestly, I know Polly's mum is not the 'easiest' person, but I am beginning to think she should be evaluated for some form of dementia. My late (wonderful & lovely) mum's dementia first made itself visible in small ways that just made us quirk an eyebrow or roll our eyes at her occasional 'forgetfulness' or tiny 'errors in judgment'.

It isn't going to make her a 'nicer' person, but at least it would be an explanation for some of her recent antics.

I don't think your mum has a good grasp of what gifts are...

Thinking a bit weird here, but could the retirement card be because No Kneecaps is retired from Polly? Sorry sorry sorry. Just thinking. I have a warped sense of humour. I apologise for that.
AND!! Not all men are bad.
Some are Morris Dancers.

@BobISMyUncle

Thinking a bit weird here, but could the retirement card be because No Kneecaps is retired from Polly? Sorry sorry sorry. Just thinking. I have a warped sense of humour. I apologise for that. AND!! Not all men are bad. Some are Morris Dancers.

You mean they can be worse?

I think the medals got given away as Polly's mother is decluttering & she is so self centred that they didn't have any "value" to her. Then that's all that counts.
She could have simply asked her DC (her son first obvs.) if they wished to keep them, or see them one last time, but No...

oh Mooncup, that made me snort! I really wish that MN was available when I got divorced,
I remember saying to He Who Must Be Obeyed, that the ring was on my finger, not through my nose. his response was "We only have arguments because YOU don't do as you're told" Outstanding! I have tried , so hard, to make myself unattractive to men, but nothing works, Crimes against women is very real. Even men on Reddit, actually following women, just to scare them. When I was raped at 17, the police asked me if I had any witnesses. Hundreds, obviously!
I have tried to make sure that my boys are respectful of women. I try to maintain a good relationship with my new daughters, and encourage them (insist) that they have their own money , I wish I could do more, but don't know how, I don't have a degree in Social work, et al. I was in my late 20's early 30's when I put my Dad in prison for child sex abuse, but because I couldn't prove it, he was given a sentence of 6 months, because of his age. Even after the grandchildren stepped up. 6 months. This is not a pity party. POLLY!!!!! Please, make sure you get what and your Dollies are entitled to!! Chins and Gins up xx

`The very first thing I bought, in my new found freedom and because I could, was a pair of black silk boxer shorts. That was when I was 35. I'm 62 now, and still buying black silk boxer shorts. Because I bloody well can. So there. Nur. AND!! Only me can see my boxer shorts!

My apologies Polly. I didn't mean to hijack. I just wanted to show you that you CAN and WILL get passed this. Your Dollies will remain intact, as will you. AND!!!! The very bestest of bests, you will buy your own version of black silk boxer shorts. You will. Keep on. I've got your back girl x. I know I'm only 4'11", but I have your back, The bottom half. Hugs and squeezes to you and yours. Except No Kneecaps, obviously

Occasional lurker. Occasional medal buyer.

WWI medals have the recipient's initials, surname, rank, number and regiment stamped round the edge.

Ebay sellers usually include this information as it adds context for any buyer, and particularly because it attracts family members.

It's absolutely worth setting up an ebay search with notification, using your grandfather's surname and regiment if you know it.

You might even be able to identify his number from the medal cards, which are free to access on Ancestry under "UK, British Army World War I Medal Rolls Index Cards, 1914-1920".

Even if "linen woman" has sold them in person to a dealer, that dealer will very likely list them on Ebay. So hang on in there.

I've had searches going for years in case any of my family medals appeared for sale. I've bought several that way.

Polly, I know I can only be at your elbow height, I have dreamed, so often of being your height. If I had different parents (and I still wish) I could have been 5' something or other!
Size DOES matter, especially when you don't have it! I've always wondered, if I was in an horrific accident and lost my legs, could my prosthetics be made to make me 5' 8"? I hope I'll never know. I was just a wondering.
AND!! My ex MIL used to inspect my plugholes. Bloody old bitch. She's dead now, thank goodness. Her kneecaps were her responsibility, obviously.
I still have my friends phone number in case of emergencies. You are doing this!! Get your own black silk boxer shorts!! Your lower back is covered! Mostly. As far as I can reach. Chins and Gins up!

Aw, thanks @StuckInPollyannaMode.

She sounds like my MIL. I agree it is probably wise to a avoid that “gift “.
There are things like freecycle where you can pick things up . You probably know that .

Look at you neatly side-stepping a carefully gilded money-trap!
You have lived and learned.
Your parents are way behind.