If you're in a more traditional eg sahm set up..

[Eucalyptusbee]

Which parent is more responsible if one of the kids has an issue with poor school performance vs what they should be getting (Not an issue with underlying ability or behaviour, just not meeting expectations as per natural ability).

I'm talking primary school age children here so parental help required for learning support.

Is it
The sah parent
The parent who is focused on earning and so not around to help with homework
Neither

I'd say whomever is more academically minded or better at helping the child learn. I'm the SAHP in this scenario and dh is the bread winner but he's the most focused and smarter of us, so he's the one to really focus on education.

Both equally responsible

@DenholmElliot

Both equally responsible

Even if the working partner is out the house 6am till 8pm 5 days per week?

By ‘responsible’ do you mean ‘best placed to fix it’ or ‘should take the blame’?

If the former, then it’s whoever is best placed (time, attitude, knowledge) to help the child. If the latter, there’s a serious relationship problem going on.

Agree with Paddle I'm better at some school stuff dh is better at others, so we both muck in... We both try to instil the right attitude to education generally. I'm the sahm so do more of the donkey work of routine reading, spelling practice etc.

Ok maybe not that late more like 7pm but long days nonetheless

@MartinMartinMarti

By ‘responsible’ do you mean ‘best placed to fix it’ or ‘should take the blame’?

If the former, then it’s whoever is best placed (time, attitude, knowledge) to help the child. If the latter, there’s a serious relationship problem going on.

Should take the blame

There's upset after a disappointing parents evening

Weekend could be utilised by working parent to help so as to show an interest in the child

Why aren't they meeting expectations would be my first thought?

Then we would both figure it out together.

We're a team.

I do all the practical stuff plus all childcare.
He earns the money and does bits if needed.
But we both parent our children.

Parents should be be blamed, child at school is the only one that can do the work, you can support at home

should not

@PaddleBoardingMomma

I'd say whomever is more academically minded or better at helping the child learn. I'm the SAHP in this scenario and dh is the bread winner but he's the most focused and smarter of us, so he's the one to really focus on education.

Breadwinning partner argues that not fair to have income and educational responsibility - is too uneven a balance. Sah partner not contributing enough

When does the child do their homework? Straight after school? Later? Weekends? Whichever parent is on duty at that point has a responsibility to make sure the child is fulfilling their potential.

However nobody is “to blame”, least of all the child themselves. Supporting and giving them the chance to do their best is a job for both parents at all times, as well as encouraging fun and relaxation too.

@MartinMartinMarti

By ‘responsible’ do you mean ‘best placed to fix it’ or ‘should take the blame’?

If the former, then it’s whoever is best placed (time, attitude, knowledge) to help the child. If the latter, there’s a serious relationship problem going on.

This. Deciding who should accept blame doesn’t seem a helpful way to approach this situation.

Breadwinning partner argues that not fair to have income and educational responsibility - is too uneven a balance. Sah partner not contributing enough

That’s a whole issue if it’s own, unrelated to education tbh

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Why aren't they meeting expectations would be my first thought?

Then we would both figure it out together.

We're a team.

I do all the practical stuff plus all childcare.
He earns the money and does bits if needed.
But we both parent our children.

This is what i thought but partner clearly thinking otherwise

Child is doing fine just not excelling. Think combination of personality type vs sibling (rushes through things, doesn't check work before handing it in etx), plus busy almost every day with extracurricular sports/ dance etc

Also as well as the clubs runaround there is a 3month old baby complicating sah parents ability to sit down and get homework done

I'm a sahm DD is in primary. I deal with all the school stuff. If there was an issue at school I would deal with the teacher meeting, any extra input that was needed and any punishment that was necessary.

I would however also run any decisions I had made by DH in the evening (because he is interested) and he would almost always be in agreement and supportive.

Also, homework is bollocks. We've never done it, the kids have always been expected or above.

But what we do is teach them stuff ourselves. Both of us. Both parents. In fact DH is probably better at it then me.

Neither of us is in competition with the other one and neither of us pins blame to the other.

Work as a team and you can't fail.

You both need to help with homework if that's what you want your child to do and you both need to teach them extra stuff too. That's what parenting is. Teaching stuff. Emotional or mental. It's teaching.

Just seen your update.... your child is tired. There's too much going on.
A new baby and constant after school clubs. 2 clubs at most. Rest of the nights is down time with mum and baby.

@RoyKentsChestHair

Breadwinning partner argues that not fair to have income and educational responsibility - is too uneven a balance. Sah partner not contributing enough

That’s a whole issue if it’s own, unrelated to education tbh

Ok can we discuss this then? I'm feeling deflated not sure what to do next

For context i am the sah parent. This is due to maternity leave - baby in November. But when I do work partner earns over 10x my salary so always been uneven. Think partner is resenting me for it more and more (together over 15yrs) as when things crop up (like this) gets annoyed with me rather than able to talk the specific situation through

Now I'm not sure how best to address it.

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Just seen your update.... your child is tired. There's too much going on. A new baby and constant after school clubs. 2 clubs at most. Rest of the nights is down time with mum and baby.

Thank you, yes will cut a few clubs.

For a primary aged child who is just not meeting their potential, my view is it’s the SAHP’s responsibility. If the child is older and the academic work harder then I’d say it is up to the SAHP to organise and facilitate tutoring or whatever supports are needed.

Why have the traditional set up of one person responsible for earning the money and one responsible for the house and kids if you then don’t stick to that? Does the working out of the home parent ask the SAHP to chip in money for the bills? No…

I don’t support the “traditional way” by the way. We both work and we both look after the kids and domestics. Then if something is a problem, it is a problem for us both to solve.

Who is making the comparison between the siblings?

@PaddleBoardingMomma she's on maternity leave

I’ve just seen you’re not exactly a full time SAHP though. It’s a temporary situation while you’re on maternity leave. You do work and earn money (how much money is not the issue). So it’s both of your problem to solve.