This is so sad.
You are a successful, highly educated, intelligent and hard working woman. Your children have a fabulous role model in you.
Yet your life is like something out of the 1950s. Husband has a 'big job' and isn't expected to do any parenting. He barely even involved himself with your DD's parents' evening, yet allowed himself an opinion. He prioritises his own job, his own leisure time and his own needs - while expecting the picture perfect successful family to show off to others.
The children are not your job. You have a big job of your own. The children have two parents, who you are supposed to be bringing up together, as a team.
How would you feel if this was your daughter? Imagine you watched her grow up working hard, setting goals, achieving brilliantly academically, getting into Oxbridge, working towards a career that most could only dream of... and then she gets married and ends up a servant to her husband. Is that what you would want for her?
He is in complete control here. He thinks 'I have a cock and a job, so this family is mine to rule over'
I don't care that he earns big bucks, that does not make his job 'better' than yours, just more lucrative. Your job is vitally important to more than just your family. It is a demanding career, not a little job you do for pin money.
There is no equality in this partnership.
It is frustrating to read about. As I said before, this is exactly like the family I grew up in - 3 children, high achieving parents with big careers, but Mum doing absolutely everything and Dad being mainly absent, but also very much in control and wielding his expectations of perfection like a weapon. It is not a good environment to be brought up it. I promise you that.