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Original poster

How should finances be split (different incomes)?

192 replies

Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 04:54

Hi!
How much do you think each person should contribute towards rent and bills?

Considering person A decided finances would only be shared to cover bills and put the disposable income will be kept in each person's personal savings and not into the joint account.

Total bills including rent, bills, food : 1600 gbp

Person 1 works full-time: 1600 gbp monthly income after tax deduction and pension

Person 2, pregnant so will be a sahm for the foreseeable future: takes home 720 pounds after deductions

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 04:56

I dont know if marrital situation changes anything but married

OP posts:
catwomando · 02/03/2022 05:05

Just bills and rent/mortgage in the shared account? That's a no from me. What about food, baby stuff, playgroups, childcare (when the time comes), home stuff, repairs, travel, holidays (together, hopefully), dinners out, days out, hobbies.

For all the reasons above we have a fully shared bank account and family money. It doesn't matter if one earns tons more than the other (I've always out earned DH) as all big spend and saving discussions are done together by mutual agreement.

Your current situation leaves you unfairly exposed and in the position of asking DH for money for things that should be shared (like all of,the stuff listed ). How can that ever be a respectful /equal way to run a relationship ?

Crookedman · 02/03/2022 05:07

Are the bills being split 50/50? And each keeps whatever disposable income their wage earns them? Cos if thats the case person 2 is being utterly shafted.

Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:10

That's what I wanted but he doesn't want that unfortunately.
So far I've been the one buying all the baby stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:12

@Crookedman

Are the bills being split 50/50? And each keeps whatever disposable income their wage earns them? Cos if thats the case person 2 is being utterly shafted.
That was the case initially, which left me with zero disposable income, so I requested to change things and am trying to think of a new way to share bills
OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 02/03/2022 05:18

I've been a sahm and we have the same system now I work again. You have an excel spreadsheet that you update each month before payday. It has everything on. All outgoings. Mobiles, council tax, food, baby stuff, savings, debt payments. All money in one pot. What is left is split 50/50. That's your own money in your own account. It's the only fair way. All money is family money. We've been doing it for years and it's been great. Dh earns triple what I earn.

Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:24

@SNUG2022

I've been a sahm and we have the same system now I work again. You have an excel spreadsheet that you update each month before payday. It has everything on. All outgoings. Mobiles, council tax, food, baby stuff, savings, debt payments. All money in one pot. What is left is split 50/50. That's your own money in your own account. It's the only fair way. All money is family money. We've been doing it for years and it's been great. Dh earns triple what I earn.
That's a great way to split money. I want to discuss my preference with my husband but don't know how to address it.

He says he wants to be the main provider but give "pocket money" when I ask instead but save the rest for himself.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 02/03/2022 05:26

Ok so we have a spread sheet (oh not me!) it lists both incomes, each personal account outgoings and joint account outgoings. It then takes off what is going out of our personal accounts and we each pay a % of our wage into joint account. So at the end we have same amount left over.
Like this -
A income £1100
B income £3300
A personal account outgoings £100
B personal account outgoings £300
Joint account outgoings £3000
A pays joint account £500
B pays joint account £2500
A remainder £ 500
B remainder £500

So you both end up with same amount left after everything has gone out. Our bills account covers food, household bills and petrol. But childcare, pocket money, activities with kids tend to come out mine so my personal outgoings are higher so I pay a lot less into bills .

Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:26

I don't want to pass for a gold digger. I genuinely just want to be able to provide for the baby without having to ask him everytime.

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:28

@autienotnaughty

Ok so we have a spread sheet (oh not me!) it lists both incomes, each personal account outgoings and joint account outgoings. It then takes off what is going out of our personal accounts and we each pay a % of our wage into joint account. So at the end we have same amount left over. Like this - A income £1100 B income £3300 A personal account outgoings £100 B personal account outgoings £300 Joint account outgoings £3000 A pays joint account £500 B pays joint account £2500 A remainder £ 500 B remainder £500

So you both end up with same amount left after everything has gone out. Our bills account covers food, household bills and petrol. But childcare, pocket money, activities with kids tend to come out mine so my personal outgoings are higher so I pay a lot less into bills .

Thanks a lot for sharing! I really like your system!
OP posts:
Grimsknee · 02/03/2022 05:28

He says he wants to be the main provider but give "pocket money" when I ask instead but save the rest for himself.

OP that actually meets one of the criteria for financial abuse - limiting your access to money.
Lots of your language ("he decided", "he doesn't want that") suggests a certain level of control and that you don't feel like an equal.

cstx89 · 02/03/2022 05:30

Hey - i am married, at one point my hubby made more than me but roles have reversed. All money goes into joint account and thats that.

There is no "my money" if that makes sense.

I think ur partner should be contributing more if he wants to have his own money. Babies are not cheap!!

Good luck Thanks

Grimsknee · 02/03/2022 05:30

Tell him pocket money is for children and you're an adult!

Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:37

@Grimsknee

He says he wants to be the main provider but give "pocket money" when I ask instead but save the rest for himself.

OP that actually meets one of the criteria for financial abuse - limiting your access to money.
Lots of your language ("he decided", "he doesn't want that") suggests a certain level of control and that you don't feel like an equal.

He is quite controlling, he admits it himself. I just thought things were fixed when he accepted that we stop splitting the bills 50/50, which meant I had no disposable money at first. When we thought my income was likely to go up and match his (it didnt) he suggested I put all of it into the joint and that he would give me pocket money (hate the term) instead, which was significantly less than what I would have otherwise kept. When I refused he said that he didn't have any ill intentions, and that to him it was the same thing, as he eventually wants to start saving up for a mortgage for us in a couple of years (but wants to build a initial saving account with 10k prior to that, which I wouldnt have had access to and which would have used a portion of my money too
OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:38

@cstx89

Hey - i am married, at one point my hubby made more than me but roles have reversed. All money goes into joint account and thats that.

There is no "my money" if that makes sense.

I think ur partner should be contributing more if he wants to have his own money. Babies are not cheap!!

Good luck Thanks

Thank you, I will talk to him tomorrow and see what he says
OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:38

@Grimsknee

Tell him pocket money is for children and you're an adult!
Yeah I hate this term
OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 02/03/2022 05:43

He says he wants to be the main provider but give "pocket money" when I ask instead but save the rest for himself

Luckily my dh realised that this looked shit and that were the roles reversed he'd hate it.

We don't have a joint account. We definitely have our own money once everything has been divided up. I'm a bit fearful for you after what you've said about him.

Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:45

Sorry, to make it clearer, he wanted me to put all that money we thought Id get (1600, same as him, but it sadly didnt happen) into the joint account without him putting anything in and that he would give me pocket money instead.

So he wanted me to put 1600 in, enough to pay bills, rent
And for him to give me pocket money of around 400 pounds when needed

I didnt manage to make that much and it was all in theory, but it made me reluctant to trust him

OP posts:
Original poster
Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 05:46

@SNUG2022

He says he wants to be the main provider but give "pocket money" when I ask instead but save the rest for himself

Luckily my dh realised that this looked shit and that were the roles reversed he'd hate it.

We don't have a joint account. We definitely have our own money once everything has been divided up. I'm a bit fearful for you after what you've said about him.

I am worried tbh, i guess Ill address it with him tomorrow
OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 02/03/2022 05:47

Imagine thinking its OK to just take someone's salary off them. Someone you love. How come he gets to decide?

SNUG2022 · 02/03/2022 05:48

Anyway, stay strong op. At least you've spotted it now.

Woollystockings · 02/03/2022 05:50

We have only a joint account. All money is joint. Your set-up is financially abusive.

SAH07 · 02/03/2022 05:50

Our wages go into our own accounts, then all our bill money goes into a joint account, this includes a buffer for any extras. We also use a credit card to buy extras which is split between us and paid off in full each month. We then have exactly the same amount of disposable income each. DH earns approx 2.5 times what i earn but doesnt see it as 'his' money . I would hate having to ask for money

bookish83 · 02/03/2022 05:51

Hi,

I know that you can see this is not fair.

will your income be stat mat pay?
Have you included child benefit (in your name!!)?

With that split I would be doing something like contributing 350 to bills - all shared bills even things like your car and phone- and keeping the rest as spends.

Baby stuff comes from joint money NOT your small income.

Will your husband help with the baby? Or will he see that as totally your role if you are a SAHM?

What happens when you are a full SAHM will your income be just child benefit?

bookish83 · 02/03/2022 05:53

We saved up during pregnancy so that there was extra to top up my wage when it reduced on mat leave. We both saved up and had a maternity pot. I honestly would have been fuming if I was left scrambling for money and my husband had loads