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Original poster

How should finances be split (different incomes)?

192 replies

Howtosplit · 02/03/2022 04:54

Hi!
How much do you think each person should contribute towards rent and bills?

Considering person A decided finances would only be shared to cover bills and put the disposable income will be kept in each person's personal savings and not into the joint account.

Total bills including rent, bills, food : 1600 gbp

Person 1 works full-time: 1600 gbp monthly income after tax deduction and pension

Person 2, pregnant so will be a sahm for the foreseeable future: takes home 720 pounds after deductions

Thank you

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 02/03/2022 08:36

Different incomes here to but all money paid into the joint account and then we each get transferred into personal account the same amount each month for personal spend. We have done this from the beginning, we have never had any arguments about money, we share what we have. I think it is very damaging to a relationship to have this stress between you.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 02/03/2022 08:37

He’s the only gold digger in your relationship.

When our kids were tiny I worked full time and paid everything from the joint account. Dh had full access to the joint account and I stashed significant savings in his name for tax purposes . I also had savings in my name.

It’s funny how these gold digging men always want the savings entirely in their name.

Why not 50/50 savings? In the event of death both people then have access immediately to savings in their own name to pay the gas/food and funeral costs.

He is greedy.

Ivyonafence · 02/03/2022 09:31

The 'pocket money' thing honestly made me shiver in real life.

OP this is financial abuse. He is not a good man. You're not a gold digger to expect the father of your child to provide for his own family.

How disgusting that he is making you ask.

Do not be a SAHM.

Financially you'd probably be better of divorcing this Prince.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 02/03/2022 09:38

Does he see the baby as, well, a somewhat dangerous hobby that women have, like snowboarding? Costs a lot of money, exhausting, might kill you,... should be paid for entirely by the hobby devotee ?!

Society and the law do not see it that way, particularly when you are married, which you are (though possibly not for long!!)

BigFatLiar · 02/03/2022 09:52

People organise themselves differently. With us it was 'we are a couple (married)' then when the children came it was 'we are a family'. Consequence was a joint account with all our money, we each had our own accounts with minimal amounts, we each had spending money (cash - it was for small items ). Any bigger expenses we discussed neither of us were big spenders so anything not covered by our 'allowance' we just used the joint account. Worked for us, still does.

Ejk1990 · 02/03/2022 09:56

Husbands take home pay 3000
My take home pay 1600

All husbands goes into bill account and left over goes into savings.

Then mine is used for the day to day, we both have cards to the account. Always done it that way, never argued about money.

ScatteredMama82 · 02/03/2022 09:57

DH and I married for 15 years. He earns more than me. I've sacrificed quite a bit career-wise to move with him (military). I have also done most of the childcare due to the unpredictable nature of his job. This has impacted my earning potential. So, we have a joint current account and a joint savings account. Nothing else. The money that comes in and goes out is 'shared'. He contributes more financially, but only because I contribute more in practical terms for our family.

Momijin · 02/03/2022 10:15

OP do not accept this. Equality or get out of there. You both decide together what should happen to your income.. you both have equal access and you noth have equal spending money. You're either a family, a team, or you break up or you go back to working full time and he takes equal responsibility of housework, childcare, time off when the baby is ill, holidays and so on.

Trust me, you do not want to stay in a relationship where you are powerless and you get pocket money.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/03/2022 10:24

So according to him, his money is his money and your money is also his money. Child-related expenses are yours to deal with. And he is entitled to free childcare provided by you.

There is no way I would be a SAHM in those circumstances.

KatharinaRosalie · 02/03/2022 10:27

in our case, all money goes to the same pot and comes out of that pot. Before someone jumps in to say that why shouldn't someone 'working hard' for their money get to keep more - because we're a family. I'm the higher earner. The arrangement was the same when DH was SAHD and had no income.

Oh and he really doesn't earn enough that there should be any suspicions about your being any kind of a gold-digger.

Smeds · 02/03/2022 10:37

I'll tell you our set up and I'll start by saying it doesn't work.

DH takes home about 1600
I get child benefit and CTC - 260

DH pays 700 into joint account for household bills.
I pay 200.

DH pays for fuel and food from his own account.
Anything our 2 DC require is paid from my account. No childcare costs, but things for school, afterschool clubs add up bit by bit plus clothes and shoes etc.

It doesn't take a mathematician to work out that I am not doing well out of this. I don't spend money on myself at all. DH is oblivious rather than abusive i think. I don't generally ask him for money.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/03/2022 10:41

@Smeds

I'll tell you our set up and I'll start by saying it doesn't work.

DH takes home about 1600
I get child benefit and CTC - 260

DH pays 700 into joint account for household bills.
I pay 200.

DH pays for fuel and food from his own account.
Anything our 2 DC require is paid from my account. No childcare costs, but things for school, afterschool clubs add up bit by bit plus clothes and shoes etc.

It doesn't take a mathematician to work out that I am not doing well out of this. I don't spend money on myself at all. DH is oblivious rather than abusive i think. I don't generally ask him for money.

If he's oblivious rather than abusive why can't you flag this to him and rework the setup? This is such an unfair way of living. Staggered he hasn't realised that but if he really hasn't and is a decent bloke, why can't you discuss this with him?
anonamouse1234 · 02/03/2022 10:45

Our set up is simple. Money goes into a joint account, and everything goes out of a joint account. We earn very different amounts.

If I want to buy something I will, if DP does, they will. If it's a lot we discuss before. The money is not mine, nor DP's, it's ours. We are a family unit that has income and expenditure.

I don't understand why people voluntarily make their lives logistically harder with all the splitting and agonising over who pays what.

Smeds · 02/03/2022 10:52

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I guess I feel if I had more money I would spend it on things we didn't really need and I would feel guilty. DH doesn't really buy anything for himself either. He buys stuff for the house and garden (we bought a 'project') Our savings have taken a big hit recently so the focus is to build those back up. Its been like this for nearly a year now, i guess I'm just used to it.

waltzingparrot · 02/03/2022 10:53

We had a household account that paid for everything. We put in a proportion of our salaries using this formula.

Divide largest salary by smallest.
(Person A) 18,900 ÷ 11,000 (B)
= 1.71

Person A puts in 1.71 x what Person B puts in.

Eg: B puts in 600
A puts in 600 x 1.71 = 1.026

We were able to pay more in than the bills cost which gave us a holiday/emergency fund.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 10:57

I wouldn’t be a sahm with a asshole of a partner like that- don’t pay be pocket money pay half your childcare bill !

FTEngineerM · 02/03/2022 11:00

We have joint that everything joint comes out of house/childcare, this is split based on net pay because it’s not his fault I’m dumb and choose not to pay a high % into pension . 40% of our total income comes from me so I pay 40% of the total outgoings. Iyswim.

Ttcfinalbub · 02/03/2022 11:02

Although it is lots of horrible wording and look like control on his half it may not be intentional.

It sounds to me like he has eyes set on buying a house and providing and in his eyes he may be the savvy saver and having it that way makes it easy for him to budget, he may not also realise what things cost in relation to your spends.

Explain to him what you want and why ( access to some personal spending money because you're an adult and are entitled to it) if he understand better after a chat then it probably is a mistake.

If he responds in a bad way I would look a bit deeper into things =/

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2022 11:03

Person 2, pregnant so will be a sahm for the foreseeable future: takes home 720 pounds after deductions*

Is this current take home so 2 is working part time or this is what take home will be when SAHM?

Crookedman · 02/03/2022 11:03

@Howtosplit

Sorry, to make it clearer, he wanted me to put all that money we thought Id get (1600, same as him, but it sadly didnt happen) into the joint account without him putting anything in and that he would give me pocket money instead.

So he wanted me to put 1600 in, enough to pay bills, rent
And for him to give me pocket money of around 400 pounds when needed

I didnt manage to make that much and it was all in theory, but it made me reluctant to trust him

He wanted to give you “pocket money” out of your own earnings? So he would control his and your money? Thats abusive.
ChocolateDeficitDisorder · 02/03/2022 11:07

I'm boggled by the concept of separate monies for married couples.

It's joint money, family income.

My DH and I opened a joint account when we bought our first home in 1996 and it's never been any different, even when the children were young and my earnings were limited.

Isn't that what you sign up for when you get married?

Crookedman · 02/03/2022 11:08

My set up is I’m a SAHM. DH has topped up my pension contributions. I have savings solely in my name, all property is shared, joint credit cards and I’ve never ever had to ask him for a penny, I have never been given “pocket money” he’s never taken control over our money and blocked me from access, I’ve never asked for permission to spend anything (we have discussed big purchases obviously). I think we have a normal happy relationship.

Crookedman · 02/03/2022 11:15

Also I don’t think you can reason with someone who suggests he pays you out of your own earnings and keeps the rest of it. He knows he’s a cunt, he just doesn’t care because you are willing to put up with it. He’s an abuser he knows he’s doing it. I don’t really say LTB often but honestly you should.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/03/2022 11:22

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder

I'm boggled by the concept of separate monies for married couples.

It's joint money, family income.

My DH and I opened a joint account when we bought our first home in 1996 and it's never been any different, even when the children were young and my earnings were limited.

Isn't that what you sign up for when you get married?

Me and my husband have separate monies but the difference is neither of us is an asshole
fuckoffImcounting · 02/03/2022 12:53

Him taking your wages, putting them in his own account and giving you pocket money sounds like modern slavery and is illegal as is coercive control - not sure if financial abuse is yet illegal. Anyway he is a controlling arsehole - I would not entertain his greedy bullshit.