Turning a blind eye to repeated cheating

[JamSandwich0]

Does anyone ignore partner indescretions for a happy peaceful life?

Pretending you don't know what's going on and enjoying your life together regardless.

It is your choice op and I wouldn’t judge you. It’s so easy to say, oh of course I won’t accept h cheating, he’d be out. Well, you might change your mind when it happens to you. You might consider that the potential almighty fall out and not living with your dc full time is actually worse than “accepting” the cheating.

How embarrassing. Happy to allow such disrespect and contempt, your marriage is a sham, the vows meaningless, being exposed to STDs and ‘double dipping’ 🤮🤮🤮just to have a man. Open marriages are meant to be based on honesty.

@JamSandwich0. I have found myself in a similar situation recently (although some details are somewhat different) and I have began asking myself similar questions.

At first I was determined to leave my H and even instigated the separation, however discovered I was pregnant soon after and so he is still in the family home.

I have been beside myself trying to work out what to do with myself, especially as you say, staying portrays you as weak and a doormat.

Its only today that I have been thinking that maybe I'm overthinking it.. we had a perfectly happy marriage before my discovery and what he was doing wasn't all the time, it was a few incidents spaced out over a long time and didnt impact me or us whilst it was going on - I was none the wiser. At present I have made no decisions about my marriage and whether I can move on from this or not, but I just wanted you to know I can understand your feelings and I dont think it makes you weak or pathetic ❤ pm if you want a chat xx

Does your husband provide you and your children with an enviable lifestyle? Exotic holidays, private schools, access to unlimited funds to buy whatever you fancy, whenever you fancy? Because of that's the case, then I, too, would turn a blind eye - although I'd take sex off the table.

If there's no financial advantage to staying married to a cheat, then I couldn't and wouldn't turn a blind eye. There's no way I could convince myself I was happy with my husband sticking his dick in another woman.

I think you've convinced yourself that marriage is better than the alternative.

So he comes home from his dates with various women and you’re there waiting for him with a lovely dinner and slippers ready? And wash his pants with another woman’s DNA on it?

Hell no!

Unless it’s some sort of wind up, there’s a difference between being happy and pretending to be. If you think you don’t need a faithful husband then so be it, but then why ask? You know what the answers would like like.

Would he mind if you had a one night stand with someone else?

@JamSandwich0

Does anyone ignore partner indescretions for a happy peaceful life?

Pretending you don't know what's going on and enjoying your life together regardless.

It’s impossible to ignore. I’m worth more than that

No. Relationships should be based on respect. Cheating shows a distinct lack of respect so it would be over.

So an open marriage?

How would he feel if you took up a lover, ons as well?

Nope, but I would. There are numerous things for which I’d end a relationship that lots of people on here seem to find acceptable. However, I wouldn’t end my relationship because he had sex with someone else. I mean, I’d rather he didn’t, but it’s not something that would devastate me. I’d rather have a husband who occasionally (discreetly and safely) had a ONS with someone he fancied than a husband who did no housework, for example.

I’m not British, though. Your mores around certain things often seem alien to me.

I think I’m also with the people who said if he was filthy rich I could turn a blind eye. I’d probably even say to him, don’t care what you do just don’t bring it to my doorstep.

Surely if this happens consistently/regularly it's an open relationship. If someone is prepared to allow indiscretions for the sake of housing/money/status (whatever) they're agreeing to an open relationship for the sake of those things. If the partner always says "I'll never do it again" and then does, then I think it's idiocy, but if the other partner is choosing to turn a blind eye then that's a different kettle of fish because different relationship styles work for different people.

Ok so here’s a question? What if falls in love with one of them?!!!!

What if he

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

I think I’m also with the people who said if he was filthy rich I could turn a blind eye. I’d probably even say to him, don’t care what you do just don’t bring it to my doorstep.

Why is it ok for money though?

Some people are really laying into me here but not those that think it's ok as long as there is financial gain? My husband does provide a comfortable life for us but I also work in a very well paid job.

Also, cheating is not just about sex.

If my partner cheated that would mean we’ve got fundamental differences between us. I’d find it hard to raise kids & respect someone like this.

No I wouldn't stay. But you do you OP.

Of course he isn't your 'best friend'. He isn't even a friend if he's lying to you, treating you with disrespect, cheating on you.

He isn't leaving you because you aren't asking anything of him. He has the wife / comformtable home and all that goes with that, and he has girlfriends too. Why would he leave?

Meanwhile, you're putting up it and are scared to find out more. It will likely tear you up inside eventually. Or he'll seriously fall for someone and leave you, or get someone pregnant and have a second family to look after.

If your daughter or sister asked you the question, what would you advise them to do?

@MrMrsJones

So an open marriage?

How would he feel if you took up a lover, ons as well?

He 100% would never let that happen.

@TheRideOfYourLife

I would find it difficult - but I'm surprised by PP saying they would bin friends who chose to do this. Why on earth would you judge a friend?

OP, if it works for you, then that's all that matters. My main fear would be that DH would finally meet someone who was more than a casual shag, but there's no guarantee that this would ever happen.

I binned my friend because she was consumed by it but also refused to do anything about it because she wanted to keep her lifestyle.

It was the same hand wringing, tearful calls after a few drinks, how could he do this, did he not love her, why wasn't she enough then she would move on to obsessing about how perfect/thin/pretty the OW was. This was followed in the cycle by deciding that she was going to do something, getting mad, doing the fighting talk she was going to lay down the law, she was going to make changes .. then waking up in the morning and remembering that she loved her rich lifestyle and talking herself out of doing anything.

Rinse and repeat over and over and over again - for YEARS.

Because then at least you’d be selling yourself for some gain, rather than just desperation to keep a dirty cock in the house 😄🤷🏼‍♀️

Why, OP? How would he ‘not let’ that happen? Does he own you?

People are really laying into OP! My goodness.

It is perfectly possible to just not be fussed about sexual fidelity. I’m not sure why the idea that she is okay with it is making people so cross.

How come? How can he “not let it happen”? Whilst his out with his mistresses you could very easily be with your toy boys 🤪

He 100% would never let that happen.
So he's a hypocrite too.......

He 100% would never let that happen

Okay, I missed this. If there isn’t parity, then I withdraw my previous comment. You’re on your own, OP. Non-monogamy is fine, but what you’re describing is just sexist nonsense.