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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's got a fact finding hearing in court

155 replies

userclip · 22/02/2022 16:09

So I've been in a relationship for a few ninety's and things are going well but just wondering if I should take a step back or be a little careful

Basically this week he is going to court to get access to child (hasn't seen them for 8 months) but it turns out this week is a fact finding hearing because of allegations the ex has made, he claims all are untrue and no proof extra but I'm just wondering if a fact finding hearing is just usual practice or are these only done when absolutely necessary

He claims he's totally moved on from ex and things were bad for while before they split but he seems to be getting really worked up about having to see her in court (maybe this is normal to feel like that) Also just found out this weekend that they were in fact meant to of got married last august, everything booked and paid for

OP posts:
Hen2018 · 22/02/2022 17:07

Run, far and fast.

I had one of these against my ex husband. You do NOT have a funding of fact for no reason.

Hen2018 · 22/02/2022 17:09

And they’re incredibly unusual. I don’t know a single other person who has had one.

Also the lying about it (by omission) and the lying about almost getting married should make you run even further!

Lougle · 22/02/2022 17:11

A fact finding hearing is used when the two parties can't agree their versions of events. However, it's usually only used when someone wants access and the other party is alleging pretty serious reasons why it isn't advisable to grant access.

There could be false allegations but 'can't prove it' isn't really a thing. The judge doesn't need 'proof'. They just need to decide that more likely than not x did occur.

00100001 · 22/02/2022 17:14

He's lying to you.

Leave him.

forlornlorna · 22/02/2022 17:17

There was a fact finding for one of my grandchildren. Because his father had seriously harmed him. I'd run run run

DetailMouse · 22/02/2022 17:18

He's lied to you before. He's probably lying to you about this. Run a mile.

Original poster
userclip · 22/02/2022 17:23

Thank you for replying

I have never heard of a fact finding hearing and court of access isn't something I have ever had to do, he seems pretty certain that everything will be unfounded and he will get the access he wants and do does his barsister

I just can't figure out exactly what the allegations are for

He ex does email him regularly with photos and states you will see (child) one day, I've seen these so I can't figure out if it's game playing or something more

Sorry I don't want to sound stupid or like I'm excusing anything because I'm 100% not but i honestly know nothing about this process

OP posts:
Lachimolala · 22/02/2022 17:24

I had a FOF hearing with my ex. This was because I disclosed to the court serious sexual, physical and emotional abuse from my ex to me. It’s a brutal week long trial where both parties will give their statements and be cross examined, being cross examined made me suicidal. It’s a horrific process but one that is only initiated when there is already some evidence of abuse and that this has had a serious impact on the child/ren.

If he’s to attend one because his ex has alleged something then if I was you I’d do yourself a favour and leave now.

LightfoldEngines · 22/02/2022 17:28

Leave, now.

A close friend went through this because there was serious domestic abuse, despite having a lot of evidence to back it up, it’s brutal.

Your “D”P is an abuser and a liar. If you don’t want it to be your turn soon, leave.

Original poster
userclip · 22/02/2022 17:29

Thank you

I know the police were called the night they spilt up, he was arrested but says with no charge, and he had slot of cuts but didn't want to press charges

I also know that people get access to there children even if they had been abusive to partner etc so what's bothering me is why it's going as far as a fact finding hearing as must be pretty serious allegations to potentially not get your child

Is there any laws/registers I can get access to to check him out

OP posts:
queenrollo · 22/02/2022 17:31

Yes, you can request a Clares Law disclosure.

TotalRhubarb · 22/02/2022 17:32

On the other side, I have seen this where an ex has alienated the child from the other parent and has made up allegations for revenge.

The problem you have is, how do you know which camp he falls into? You are taking a risk staying with him.

Atypicaldancer · 22/02/2022 17:32

My DH had a fact finding hearing (the ex dropped it when it became very clear she was lying). There are some people who will lie. She alleged physical abuse had occurred and it absolutely hadn’t. She broke multiple court orders and wanted to take the kids away so she could start a new life with her new man. I’ve read all the court transcripts and I know him well though. I can see why you would be wary in a new relationship.

TheVanguardSix · 22/02/2022 17:33

Booked and paid for wedding... 6 months later, they're at each other's throats in court over allegations.
To put it in classic MN terminology, the hills are that way >>>>>>>>>>>>

wildseas · 22/02/2022 17:33

Sending photos and info about a child to the other parent is standard contact when there is a reason that contact can’t be in person.

The fact that she is willing and happy to do this (ie is supportive of contact) but not willing and happy to hand over the child (ie keeping child safe) would be a huge red flag for me.

Atypicaldancer · 22/02/2022 17:34

Court wouldn’t look favourably on her refusing to provide photos and info though.

Hen2018 · 22/02/2022 17:34

Something else to think about is that most couples with children who split up, don’t go to court at all.

Something has happened that access cannot be decided between the parents. It then can’t be decided in your normal court proceedings.

It’s gone to a finding of fact - about as detailed and serious as you can get. This is not normal.

Of course he’s telling you she has made everything up. He’s already shown you he’s a liar.

This is similar to having a new boyfriend and him suddenly springing on you that he’s going to court for, let’s say, burglary next week but he’s “innocent”.

This is serious.

Atypicaldancer · 22/02/2022 17:36

A fact finding hearing happens if allegations are disputed and will have a material effect on the outcome of proceedings.

Hen2018 · 22/02/2022 17:38

As a previous poster said, a finding of fact is brutal and horrible. I was cross examined for so long on the one day that my brain shut down and I literally ran out of words. The judge had to order a break. The % of women making things up must be minuscule.

The % of men who “win” doesn’t mean the woman made things up. It’s not a criminal court, just a balance of probabilities.

NinjaQueen · 22/02/2022 17:44

I would do a Clare's law application. Have you googled him?

6 months seems incredibly quick for things to have progressed through the courts to a FOF!

Original poster
userclip · 22/02/2022 18:06

I have just requested a Claire's Law online.

I just want to be sure

OP posts:
Original poster
userclip · 22/02/2022 18:07

I have googled but nothing has come up

OP posts:
scooterbear · 22/02/2022 19:55

@Atypicaldancer that's almost a carbon copy of what recently happened to my DP. So OP it's not always cut and dried that there had been wrong doing...tread carefully I guess but people (mums as well as dads, do lie).

Nomoreusernames1244 · 22/02/2022 20:01

I think it’s a rock and a hard place o/p-

Either he’s lying, in which case he’s a pretty nasty person.

Or she’s lying, and do you really want to be continuing a relationship where she’ll be on the periphery likely with further allegations- possibly even accusing you.

Whoever is the “good” person here, the whole thing is not a situation I’d be sticking around for…