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Original poster

Valentines Day - am I being a brat?

165 replies

MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:27

Hi, my other half and I have been together for a year and a half, and he didn't do anything for me for Valentines Day - well he got me a card. I've organised a night out for him and a stay in a hotel next week when we're both on leave plus activities over two days that I think he'll enjoy.

I was a bit upset about it and he said we'd agreed not to because we've just bought a new house and are buying things for it. I don't remember this agreement as Valentines is a pretty big deal to me?

I do think even though he didn't want to spend money, he could have done something - run me a bath, or cooked a meal or something. Bit nothing really really hurts. Also, he does have money for when he wants stuff like new trainers, he's spent a couple hundred on running trainers the other day, and tbh we're both on pretty good wages. So it feels like he just couldn't be arsed. I asked him and he said I was being a spoilt brat.

The nail in the coffin is that he has pictures of a previous relationship on fb with pics of him taking his ex to Prague. I got a card. I just feel so hurt. Am I being a brat and I just can't see it?

OP posts:
Sux2Buthen · 15/02/2022 08:29

The main thing is him remembering a conversation you say you didn't have. Has that happened before?

OnaBegonia · 15/02/2022 08:39

I think a night away and two days of activities is way over the top for what is a commercialised nonsense.

Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:39

I don't know really. I can't understand why I would have agreed to that. Maybe it was after a night on wine or something? I can't understand why I don't remember.

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:40

I just wanted him to feel special, and loved. Just a but wounded that I didn't get any care back.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 15/02/2022 08:42

What did you do for each other last valentines?

Why have you bought a house with someone when you're upset by what you did with his ex? You need to grow up fast if you're making such big commitments.

I think you've gone way OTT and he got you a card so unless you told him you wanted grand gestures I think you're being unfair.

isthismylifenow · 15/02/2022 08:43

Is the trip away a surprise? Did he know you were booking it?

Alarm bells would be ringing for me regarding the conversation you don't remember happening.

WTF475878237NC · 15/02/2022 08:43

Are you sure he isn't lying?

isthismylifenow · 15/02/2022 08:44

I don't understand the ex thing? Was he speaking to her on Valentines day?

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 08:45

@Sux2Buthen

The main thing is him remembering a conversation you say you didn't have. Has that happened before?
This is important. Has this happened on any previous occasions? If it has you need to examine the relationship.

Assuming it hasn’t happened before, then it sounds like you have very different ideas about Valentine’s Day and need to communicate better. What you are planning is very big - more like a major birthday, and clearly if VD means a lot to you, he is under-doing it with a card.

So, talk about this, you’ve bought a house together so you need to talk about money and values to make sure you are aligned.

BBOA · 15/02/2022 08:45

Good job you didn’t post this on AIBU….. I had a similar situation yesterday and whilst some posts were genuinely interesting a couple were brutal! The end result was yes I’d not been very communicative, but its ok to to feel disappointed in my eyes. Just make sure you tell them why.

Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:46

I take that on board, thank you. 😔 I didn't worry about what he'd done with his ex until it was placed in stark contrast with what he did with me. But I get it, maybe you're right there.

I was just a bit down that he'd drop £500 on a couple of pairs of trainers but not even a fiver on some lilies from Tesco.

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 15/02/2022 08:46

@MollyMalone2801

I don't know really. I can't understand why I would have agreed to that. Maybe it was after a night on wine or something? I can't understand why I don't remember.
Is this the first time this has happened?

May I ask how old you both are OP?

mydogisthebest · 15/02/2022 08:46

@OnaBegonia

I think a night away and two days of activities is way over the top for what is a commercialised nonsense.
People can do what they want for Valentines, or any other occasion.

YOU think it is commercialised nonsense but plenty of others don't.

Planetzero1 · 15/02/2022 08:46

When did the Facebook photos of his ex go up? Was that a valentines trip?

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/02/2022 08:46

(By VD I meant Valentine’s Day obviously, but that is a funny coincidence on the initials Grin)

FreedomforWA · 15/02/2022 08:46

I second what @OnaBegonia said. Look at the rest of your relationship, do you feel valued? Does he offer romantic gestures on other days?

Qwill · 15/02/2022 08:46

Yes, I think you’re being a bit over the top, but it sounds important to you and not to him, so I think you need to work on your communication better. In my book getting a card would be doing something!!

Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:54

@Planetzero1 they're on his fb wall - it's the first thing on there as he doesn't really use it now. He took her for Valentines Day. It's painful just writing this whole tbh. I just got a card. Its hard not to compare.

OP posts:
Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:56

@isthismylifenow I'm 40, he's 42. I don't remember saying things I haven't said before. And I can't understand why I said it when I absolutely love Valentines Day, even if I were single, I'd spoil myself and buy my single friends cards and things

OP posts:
Notwithittoday · 15/02/2022 08:57

I think it’s probably just indicative of how he sees you unless he romantic at other times. If you know he’s made romantic gestures with his ex and you don’t get that and more there’s a problem. It looks like you’re trying to buy his affection and he’s not really interested. You’re trying to create romance and he thinks he has a room mate with benefits. Why have you bought a house with a man like this? You don’t mention engagement. Are you hoping to get married? Have kids? It doesn’t look great based on what you’ve said.

Thewindwhispers · 15/02/2022 08:57

The secret to not hating each other on Valentines day is to align expectations before that. Most men think doing a card is box ticked.

Sure maybe he took his ex to Prague but perhaos she spent twi months dropping hints about it (and perhaps it went badly and he viwed never to go OTT on V day again).

If you want it to be more than a card you have to basically tell them in advance. I would be baffled if DH suddenly ran me a bath.

Opaljewel · 15/02/2022 08:57

It's not over the top at all if that is what you wanted to do. He sounds thoughtless as hell and you sound past it all. Use this time to really think to yourself is this good enough for me now. Don't let people who don't celebrate it berate you. It's your life and you decide what is right for you. Good luck.

Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 08:58

@Qwill yeah maybe. I just spoil him so often, all the time, not just for Valentines. And he says, well obviously I care about you, we've bought a house together, and I think, yeah but you wouldn't be able to get a house like this one without my money. S**t, did I just say that?

OP posts:
easterdaffsx · 15/02/2022 09:00

Two days of planned activities would not go down well for me sorry it's OTT unless your 12 .

Original poster
MollyMalone2801 · 15/02/2022 09:02

@easterdaffsx thanks for replying. Maybe that is the case, I just like to treat people I care about I think. But maybe you're right. 😔

OP posts:
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