Valentines Day - am I being a brat?

[MollyMalone2801]

Hi, my other half and I have been together for a year and a half, and he didn't do anything for me for Valentines Day - well he got me a card. I've organised a night out for him and a stay in a hotel next week when we're both on leave plus activities over two days that I think he'll enjoy.

I was a bit upset about it and he said we'd agreed not to because we've just bought a new house and are buying things for it. I don't remember this agreement as Valentines is a pretty big deal to me?

I do think even though he didn't want to spend money, he could have done something - run me a bath, or cooked a meal or something. Bit nothing really really hurts. Also, he does have money for when he wants stuff like new trainers, he's spent a couple hundred on running trainers the other day, and tbh we're both on pretty good wages. So it feels like he just couldn't be arsed. I asked him and he said I was being a spoilt brat.

The nail in the coffin is that he has pictures of a previous relationship on fb with pics of him taking his ex to Prague. I got a card. I just feel so hurt. Am I being a brat and I just can't see it?

[quote MollyMalone2801]@FreedomforWA not really no. He says he's making a bigger commitment to me by buying a house with me and we're getting a dog together. His choice really, I like travelling so I'm a bit worried about that.[/quote]
Then why agree to a dog?

Have you bought the house already?
If so, I hope your money was ring-fenced unless he put in the same.

If you haven't, pull out now.
DO NOT GET A DOG!!

Then dump him

Does he do nice things for you on other days of the year? DH didn't get me a card for Valentine's Day, but he's just spent a fortnight looking after me diligently whilst I had Covid, and he has a broken ankle himself, so I'm not too fussed about one heavily commercialised day. I didn't get him one either but I looked after him when he first broke his ankle.

If he's generally a good partner and shows you he loves you in other ways regularly then I wouldn't get too het up that he hasn't gone as far for valentines as you would like.

@LadyFlumpalot

Does he do nice things for you on other days of the year? DH didn't get me a card for Valentine's Day, but he's just spent a fortnight looking after me diligently whilst I had Covid, and he has a broken ankle himself, so I'm not too fussed about one heavily commercialised day. I didn't get him one either but I looked after him when he first broke his ankle.

If he's generally a good partner and shows you he loves you in other ways regularly then I wouldn't get too het up that he hasn't gone as far for valentines as you would like.

Should remember to read whole threads before posting... ignore my last.

I don't like this man! I think he is lazy and selfish and has ulterior motives, to be honest. He is all show when people are watching him and fucking useless otherwise.

This is your second Valentine's Day together. You know now what the future holds.

You have choices. You have moved in together very quickly. He shows one face to friends and family and his real face to you.

Did you put more of a deposit into the house than him?

I dunno. I haven't read all the thread, just your posts OP, and a couple of things stuck out.

I hate sounding like "gotta be Facebook official babe" but actually, I think it is relevant that you're not on there. If he didn't use it at all, that would be one thing. But he does. Keeps the last visible thing as a romantic valentine's trip with his ex, and then changes his picture to one of just him. If the ex had never been visible, it wouldn't matter, but why is she, and she still as the first thing you see, whilst in comparison, nothing of you?

And when you asked him why he was with you, well, he basically replied that you benefit him. Not "you're funny, kind, clever, interesting, I love you, I can't imagine being with anyone else". It was all about him.

I think those two things seem small on paper, but they are big problems.

Is he financially benefitting from you? Is the house and mortgage in both names?

@HollowTalk

I don't like this man! I think he is lazy and selfish and has ulterior motives, to be honest. He is all show when people are watching him and fucking useless otherwise.

This is your second Valentine's Day together. You know now what the future holds.

You have choices. You have moved in together very quickly. He shows one face to friends and family and his real face to you.

Did you put more of a deposit into the house than him?

Yes. Yes yes yes.

Is this mortgage in both names? Where did the deposit come from? Honestly I think you know in your gut this isn't quite right

This guy sound's like a classic tool

@LittleOverWhelmed Please read the thread before posting. Her boyfriend is a controlling arsehole.

Either way I don't think op will be back

[quote MollyMalone2801]@Onelifeonly uneasy feels like the right word. I asked him why he was with me, what was it he actually liked, and he said its because most of the time (when not being mental apparently) I'm kind and treat him really well. That felt a bit flat to me, that's not about me but about himself and the way he's treated.[/quote]
So basically he’s saying that he likes you because you are kind and let him get his own way all the time. The times you don’t, you are mental! He’s training you so you don’t make a fuss about any thing he wants, and you don’t make demands for anything you want.

Whatever you do, don’t let him get a dog and tie you down any more. And certainly don’t “accidentally” get pregnant. That could certainly be in his interests, especially if he senses you are pulling away. Which you could well be doing subconsciously after having your eyes opened on here.

Many men probably don’t “get” valentines, but they get a card and a bunch of flowers or make some effort because they love and respect their partners. If he can’t even be bothered to do that for you at this stage, when it’s still still supposed to be fresh and exciting, then it really doesn’t bode well does it? It’s just a complete lack of respect for your wants and feelings. If he just didn’t think about it, or didn’t realise how important it is to you, he’d realise he’d got it wrong, then he’d be really sorry, apologising to you and promising it will be different next year, whilst trying to do something now to make up for his thoughtlessness. But there has been none of that has there? He just doesn’t care that you are upset and disappointed.

As pps have asked, who put in most of the money for the house deposit etc? And is it protected? I’m guessing you did?

How are you doing OP?