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Original poster

What do men actually find attractive about women?

847 replies

kellyspark · 13/02/2022 18:10

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

OP posts:
Wordlewords78 · 13/02/2022 18:18

I am massively confused by men and can't work them out despite having been married for over 25 years Grin but I think many men are attracted to the same thing as women are ; independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour. I think many men value those things over looks any time. I think men communicate very differently though which is why I find them confusing!

DillonPanthersTexas · 13/02/2022 18:21

Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering

It's almost like some men value things like humour, intelligence, shared values and interests rather then just how big a woman's tits are or how 'glamorous' she is.

Suzyinthesummertime · 13/02/2022 18:22

Found it interesting that you said you treated these guys like mates and that seemed to increase their attention. In my experience, a lot of men are v attracted by and want someone who is their best friend.

Divebar2021 · 13/02/2022 18:27

Why do you think they all behave the same and want the same things?. You’re no more likely to find men who are drawn to the same things as you are women.

Nesbo · 13/02/2022 18:28

Men are probably not a homogeneous group.

“Men” includes (has included) Beckham, Einstein, Graham Norton, Geoff Capes, Putin, Michael McIntyre, Van Gogh, Ant and Dec, Michael Palin, Pavarotti, Neil Armstrong, the bloke from the fish and chip shop, … you get the idea.

DillonPanthersTexas · 13/02/2022 18:30

“Men” includes (has included) Beckham, Einstein, Graham Norton, Geoff Capes, Putin, Michael McIntyre, Van Gogh, Ant and Dec, Michael Palin, Pavarotti, Neil Armstrong, the bloke from the fish and chip shop, … you get the idea

What an awesome dinner party that would be!

Wotsitsits · 13/02/2022 18:30

Treated them like mates - you mean eye contact, talking to them?

That is a full come on to men and the opposite of a "chase"

Unless you have actively refused to e.g. spend time with them one on one, refused to swap phone numbers etc. ?

Plenty of men will assume you're romantically interested in them just by smiling and saying hello

scoobydoo1971 · 13/02/2022 18:30

Men are a large collective group who have different interests and wishes in respect of the opposite sex. There is no one size fits all, and you could spend all your awake hours trying to figure out that psychology. Life would be exceptionally dull if there was one set of attributes that are 'attractive'. As a 20-something, I was a very physically attractive woman, but I didn't get much attention from men as my body language was very withdrawn. I lacked confidence and projected a clear message of 'Go away and leave me alone'. I asked my brother's mates and they said it was because I appeared aloof (shy) with new people. I was far too worried by image and what people would think back then, like many young people. Now, at 50 I am too busy juggling many things to worry about my appearance, or making a good impression with people. People either like me or not, and I am not going to dwell on it either way. I never have trouble attracting men these days. This is not in bars or on dating apps. This is walking down the street, attending community groups, queuing in shops and tradespeople working on my house. Mostly not my type, but I have asked some about their interest in a discrete way and it was summed up by one recent suitor as "someone who neither thinking too highly or too lowly of themselves, and who is basically coming across well". I would recommend you stop analysing this and go with the flow. Stop worrying about being attractive to men, and start focusing on what makes them attractive to you. Men let you know pretty directly when they like you, want to date you and see you as a relationship prospect. It is then up to you to decide if they are suitable, a potential and so on. Don't compromise on boundaries and standards. In mid-life I would rather a funny, kind Shrek on a date than a handsome face who makes it all about them.

Marineboy67 · 13/02/2022 18:34

I find a sense of humour attractive and honesty. Someone who doesn't take themselves to seriously.
Curly hair is always a bonus.

Original poster
kellyspark · 13/02/2022 18:43

Can kindness etc be inferred from a distance?

OP posts:
5128gap · 13/02/2022 18:55

As a woman, from my observation and experience, the traits that appeal to the widest pool of men are: A traditionally feminine appearance, small, slim but curvy hour glass shape, long hair, (blonde helps), happy looking. Probably not drop dead stunning as needs to seem accessible. Clothes that show off the body and are not too out there in style. Not overly groomed, ever so slightly dishevelled, achieving the perfect balance between 'taking care of herself' and overlly focused on looks/artificial. Personality: aporoachable, interested in them, laugh at their jokes, seem to like them a lot, positive outlook, easy going. Not overly confident, in no way make them feel inferior.
Not all men want these things obviously, many want something entirely different, but any woman who has these traits and will act in these ways is likely to receive a lot of interest.

wingscrow · 13/02/2022 18:59

@5128gap Oh dear, you have described a Barbie doll crossed with a 1950's house wife...FFS.

AuntMasha · 13/02/2022 19:04

I wouldn’t want to be small or blonde.

cardiologist349275 · 13/02/2022 19:05

Ooh I'm fascinated by this. (Largely because I don't have a freaking clue.) Following with interest.

MissMaple82 · 13/02/2022 19:09

They like a hot body, and the chase.

DeedIDo · 13/02/2022 19:09

I'm 66 and I still don't know, but I wore a knee length dress to a funeral last week, instead of my usual jeans and fleece, and was broadsided by a number of compliments. Who knows?

AnyFucker · 13/02/2022 19:09

Tits, mainly

Magpiecomplex · 13/02/2022 19:12

As the owner of a pair of 36JJs (and a PhD) I would agree with @AnyFucker
Some like intelligent women, most find me attractive until I start talking, and then find me intimidating! I'm not blonde.

RoyKentsChestHair · 13/02/2022 19:13

From my experience the main attribute men have been looking for is that I’m interested in him!

They don’t much care if I tick a long list of physical attributes (I don’t!) and my recent ex was surprised by me being funny as apparently he didn’t even know that he valued that in a woman Hmm When we split up and he told be I was being ridiculous for having boundaries I said “I wasn’t what you were looking for either, I know you settled for me” and he said “I just wanted someone who likes me!” (I fucking adored the idiot until he got nasty and aggressive).

So my answer would be, show them a bit of interest and make them feel like they’re handsome, fun and interesting and they’ll be all over you.

Original poster
kellyspark · 13/02/2022 19:18

I do wonder if men (some, a lot, take your pick) use a 'what's she going to be like in the bedroom' type filter.
It ties in with the slightly dishevelled look and the not taking themselves too seriously attribute.

OP posts:
5128gap · 13/02/2022 19:23

[quote wingscrow]@5128gap Oh dear, you have described a Barbie doll crossed with a 1950's house wife...FFS.[/quote]
Depressing but ime no less true for that.

5128gap · 13/02/2022 19:26

@AuntMasha

I wouldn’t want to be small or blonde.
The question wasn't what women want to look like though, its what men find attractive. Obviously there are variations in taste, but for universal appeal, well, have you heard many men saying they wouldn't look twice at a small blonde curvy woman?
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 13/02/2022 19:28

I’m a man, and I don’t have a clue either, 🤷🏼‍♂️ as PP alluded to, we ( men ), are all different, but when you see someone you like, or would like to get know, you just kinda “gravitate” towards them.

To quota a previous poster
I think many men are attracted to the same thing as women are ; independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour. I think many men value those things over looks any time. I think men communicate very differently though which is why I find them confusing!

I would agree with all that.

5128gap · 13/02/2022 19:36

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I’m a man, and I don’t have a clue either, 🤷🏼‍♂️ as PP alluded to, we ( men ), are all different, but when you see someone you like, or would like to get know, you just kinda “gravitate” towards them.

To quota a previous poster
I think many men are attracted to the same thing as women are ; independence, self-reliance, honesty, kindness, good sense of humour. I think many men value those things over looks any time. I think men communicate very differently though which is why I find them confusing!

I would agree with all that.

Bit when you meet a woman you don't know she had these traits. All you have to go on is appearance and how she chooses to present herself in a superficial encounter. So while these traits may be more important as you get to know her, no man ever looked at a woman across a bar and thought 'wow I fancy the self reliance off her!' so in terms of pure attraction I'd say you're rare.
HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 13/02/2022 19:54

@5128gap
Yes you are right of course, but every man will like something different, but the physical appearance is so linked with how somehow expresses themselves, holds themselves, walks talks etc, it’s everything rolled up.

Physically I prefer more curvy women, but also like confidence and an outgoing personality, so when you see someone across a bar, you kinda look at everything at once,, not just appearances but body language and that certain undefinable “something” that is personal to me.