What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

@5128gap

As a woman, from my observation and experience, the traits that appeal to the widest pool of men are: A traditionally feminine appearance, small, slim but curvy hour glass shape, long hair, (blonde helps), happy looking. Probably not drop dead stunning as needs to seem accessible. Clothes that show off the body and are not too out there in style. Not overly groomed, ever so slightly dishevelled, achieving the perfect balance between 'taking care of herself' and overlly focused on looks/artificial. Personality: aporoachable, interested in them, laugh at their jokes, seem to like them a lot, positive outlook, easy going. Not overly confident, in no way make them feel inferior. Not all men want these things obviously, many want something entirely different, but any woman who has these traits and will act in these ways is likely to receive a lot of interest.

Unfortunately, I think this is true. It is observable on a recurring basis among high earning, middle class power couples. I would say almost every single one I know. I'm now wondering whether some of them conform to it simply because they are terrified to face the consequences of deviating from the norm.

I always thought (most) men are attracted to women who are genuine. Being themselves. Those moments when you are unaware but they notice you, have more impact than for ex, big boobs. The way you move, hold yourself being all natural.
Appearance is neither here nor there, very personal preferences.
And a natural genuine smile towards anyone.
When they are captivated by the above, and got to the point when they like you, they'd probably aim to make you smile because of them. There's nothing more beautiful than a happy woman.
As simple as that.

This is in regards to liking someone. When it's just superficial desire for a shag, I don't think that can be pinpointed too far.

In all honesty, although there is no point in doing this and it is despicable behaviour but I'm sure lots of women do it, it is very easy to 'bewitch' a man but, of course, there's no guarantee it would become a serious relationship. Just the standard: make them feel handsome, funny, special, unique etc. Sadly they'd mostly fall for the act.

They like a hot body, and the chase

Hot body but can’t be arsed with a chase.

Curly hair is a bonus, and no need for makeup.

Obviously, I can’t speak for all men.

@5128gap On visual appearance vs known traits -

Not everyone is so visually oriented though. I tend to form a strong sense of the energy/vibe/atmosphere of a person, whether intense chemistry from across the room or more everyday impressions.

A good example, someone I only knew to ask 'Can I please have X', on a regular basis, years ago. He was like the warm smooth slabs of rock by a steep mountain river that you lie on to sun dry after a cold swim. He was actually a short guy and I don't remember how he looked, but his presence was somehow large and warm and solid (if I try to translate my image). If I'd ever met him around socially, I'd probably have gravitated over, as a previous poster said, to find out more.

So for me there's other information available than just visuals (which I don't really notice).

@RoyKentsChestHair

From my experience the main attribute men have been looking for is that I’m interested in him!

They don’t much care if I tick a long list of physical attributes (I don’t!) and my recent ex was surprised by me being funny as apparently he didn’t even know that he valued that in a woman When we split up and he told be I was being ridiculous for having boundaries I said “I wasn’t what you were looking for either, I know you settled for me” and he said “I just wanted someone who likes me!” (I fucking adored the idiot until he got nasty and aggressive).

So my answer would be, show them a bit of interest and make them feel like they’re handsome, fun and interesting and they’ll be all over you.

To be fair, that's pretty true of women too.

People like to be liked.

@AnyFucker

Tits, mainly

Honesty compels me to say that this is (they were?) what first attracted me to DW, but it's shared interests that have kept us together for 40 + years.

BTW don't forget that some of us are "legs" men.

@5128gap

I agree with your summary, I'm the opposite of this description and might as well be invisible to men. I think a lot of men do indeed like a nice personality, sense of humour etc, but I think they're more attracted to what a woman looks like. Sadly I've seen the very attractive but bitchy women picked first over the kinder more average looking ones time and again, the dating world seems very shallow. I would love to hear examples here where this isn't the case though and where a woman is valued for her personality traits.

Tits, mainly

A misconception many women seem to labour under.

There are clearly people who genuinely don't care about appearance, but I think this is more common amongst women than men. There are also clearly many non physical traits that men look for. But, traits like kindness, SOH, appealing voice or gestures are found in conventionally attractive women too. Given a choice between two funny kind women, with one being more conventionally attractive than the other, the vast majority of men would choose the conventionally physically attractive one. However, given the average man rarely brings sufficient to the table himself to secure his dream woman, in practice, it hardly matters what they want. The sensible ones know this.

But, traits like kindness, SOH, appealing voice or gestures are found in conventionally attractive women too.

That is secondary. Physical attraction comes first, but that attraction can evaporate as soon as as other traits become known.

I think there have been some studies on this and men generally prefer younger slim women.

I've had lots of male attention, from different ages, since I lost weight and got fit (only a stone, and incidental, doing my hobby at a more intensive level), and let my hair grow very long. I'm flatter-chested, slim and slightly above average height.

Male friends have said they prefer a 'natural' look to people overdone with artificial eyelashes, hair extensions and fake tan.

Agree with above- young and slim

As PP have said there is great variance. I can only speak for myself, and other men I know.

Physically, men seem to divide into two camps. Those whose idea of attractiveness is about 90% to do with tits, and those who are big on slimness. fitness etc. I suspect the first group is larger than the second (but may be biased because that's my personal preference). I certainly think women often over-estimate the importance of slimness. which seems to be something women compete about amongst each other and judge each other for, then project that sense of judgment onto the patriarchy,

Obesity is not generally attractive to people of either sex, but short of that I think most men prefer healthy, rounded womanliness to a stick figure. There's something that it says about personality too: are you someone that I'm going to be able to relax and have a beer with, go home and scoff a pizza and laugh about it, or someone that's going to constantly need to be in control, counting calories and worrying what others will think. The former is more attractive.

The "slightly dishevelled" and not necessarily going for the most glamorous is interesting, too. I think that's similar - many men will worry that someone glamorous is going to be high maintenance and never able to relax. It's also a barrier to relatability. I look at women in the media, music videos etc. with perfect skin, perfectly sculpted eyebrows, big silicone tits etc. and they do nothing for me. They just don't look human. Again I think women often project the pressure to look like that onto men when men actually want nothing of the sort.

I think they like women who like them. Who compliment them and listen to them and flirt with them.

Of course I'm not talking about chasing them. That's different. But showing an interest and making them feel heard and stroking their ego a bit will usually always work wonders.

@DillonPanthersTexas

Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering

It's almost like some men value things like humour, intelligence, shared values and interests rather then just how big a woman's tits are or how 'glamorous' she is.

I have seen no evidence of this .

Men are visual so appearances are important to them, but they all have different tastes. If you dress in a way that you are comfortable with, you gain confidence as well which can be attractive. Too much & you cab look inaccessible. All that said I have found they prefer a feminine style.

Once you pass the first round (think of it like a CV) and started talking, then you can start on character traits and compatibility etc (bit like an interview).

Men are out there having sex with vacuum cleaners.

Don't waste your precious energy wondering what men find attractive in women. It's a fruitless task.

I'm almost totally flat chested. I have nipples and that's about it. Men find me attractive regardless of this, so it can't be just about the tits 🤣

I'm good at making people feel good about themselves though, so maybe that makes up for my lack of boobs!

@Pinkbonbon

I think they like women who like them. Who compliment them and listen to them and flirt with them.

Of course I'm not talking about chasing them. That's different. But showing an interest and making them feel heard and stroking their ego a bit will usually always work wonders.

But isn’t the same for everyone, irrespective of gender or orientation. Surely Everyone likes to be liked and wanted ?

Also in my experience men will just like you if you look right (according to their own tastes) Then they will happily fill in the blanks of your personality in a way that suits them. Usually without even bothering to really try and get to know you!

Slim/slender
Pretty
Laugh at their jokes

@CrumpetStrumpet I wish you could see how much I’m laughing at your comment!! This is the best line I’ve read all day. Thank you. I will carry this like with me as I continue on my dating journey.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

Yes, it's the same for us all.
But I think if anything, men overlook the physical stuff more than women do if their ego is flattered. I don't actually think men in general are very fussy.

I have personally found that my partners have come to loathe all the personality traits that initially drew them to me in the first place; I have been labelled independent and strong minded in the past and I think my previous partners liked these traits until they no longer fitted in with the ideals they built up in their mind.

That’s just my personal experience - men are all different and you can’t appeal to them as a collective. It’s different strokes for different folks and thank goodness for that.

Be the best version of yourself and you will attract what is meant for you.