What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

every woman I know (well enough to have talked about it) has gotten unwanted sexual comments from men from about the age of 14 onwards. To say there is equivalence is nonsense.
If we’re talking about men “checking out” women, it’s very hard for me, personally, to not do. I’ve never made an unwanted sexual comment to a woman in my life, and I believe I’m known to my female friends as a nice, “safe” man, and I believe myself to be one, but in an absent minded moment sitting outside a cafe or somewhere, I still need to check myself sometimes.

I think men do assess “fuckability” as someone else put it within a very short space of time. Most men I know don’t care what a woman offers intellectually or anything else when it comes to sex. If she is “fuckable” to them, then that’s all that matters. When it comes to life partners, that view may change. Maybe it’s similar for women.

#Probably when I was about 16/17 onwards, I was very sporty as a teenager and got selected by one of the rugby academies so used to get comments off some of the mums at school
pick up and drop off or asked to 'show off my muscles'. I was painfully shy so just felt awkward and did not really do much about it.

I never claimed it was a daily experence, just that it happened enough times to be noticable. As I have alluded in my post above, the dynamics are very different and the risks and outcomes are very different for a man compared to a woman."

The big difference here is not only the ick element of objectification (and that is bad enough).

It is the fact that (and I am happy to defend this) ultimately women in the vast majority of situations are NOT going to be necessarily strong enough to PHYSICALLY repel a man who decides to do something non-consentual to her and irrespective of her preferences; and

Ultimately, as well as the physical assault element of the above scenario for women, the consequence for women of this can also be pregnancy which can have lifelong ramifications for that woman.

However uncomfortable you might have felt at a 16/17 year old, as you grow what it boils down to is should you decide to do so you can BOTH tell women who do this to F**k off AND BACK THAT UP with physical threat sufficient to shut them up pretty quick.

So no I do not think you experience is the same.

Speaking as a woman who is plain I think men like women who are reasonably good looking, gregarious and can carry a conversation.

I have been told by men and women that I am attractive and do her attention from men but have never been harassed.

@Palmfrond

every woman I know (well enough to have talked about it) has gotten unwanted sexual comments from men from about the age of 14 onwards. To say there is equivalence is nonsense. If we’re talking about men “checking out” women, it’s very hard for me, personally, to not do. I’ve never made an unwanted sexual comment to a woman in my life, and I believe I’m known to my female friends as a nice, “safe” man, and I believe myself to be one, but in an absent minded moment sitting outside a cafe or somewhere, I still need to check myself sometimes.

I agree with this in regard to unwanted sexual attention for I think every woman I've asked. And usually way beyond verbal. Groping, dick pics, exposure and so on.

Something I'm aware of is looking longer at someone I find attractive (usually female). I don't mean outright staring but If say I'm tracking visually across a crowd of people I don't know, I feel my gaze stays longer on someone I find physically attractive. I suspect with people I know, the same happens. Intro not to do it but have to remind myself

As a former catwalk model, I am what would be regarded as conventionally attractive. I receive a lot of unwanted attention but I have not felt out of my depth regarding any of it.

I am extremely, extremely selective in terms of what I would even consider a potential partner. I do not bend my criteria and I do not willingly share them either. However, most men would constitute complete non starters upon the basis of my criteria so I would not even go so far as to turn them down or offer an explanation. I render them invisible to me. It makes me feel very much in control and liberated from a lot of the positive and negative emotions which we pass through as sentient adults. That said, the one in a million who makes the grade as a potential date gets a lot of careful consideration regardless of whether anything comes of it. That would average one guy per decade.

I cannot imagine what it is like for the gsoh, kind, dependable, nice eyes brigade. It sounds like an utter waste of time to not know what you want with accurate precision.

Soffit

I'm curious, what would your 'extremely, extremely selective' criteria consist of?

@soffit laughs, bag of x 1

@Branster

I always thought (most) men are attracted to women who are genuine. Being themselves. Those moments when you are unaware but they notice you, have more impact than for ex, big boobs. The way you move, hold yourself being all natural. Appearance is neither here nor there, very personal preferences. And a natural genuine smile towards anyone. When they are captivated by the above, and got to the point when they like you, they'd probably aim to make you smile because of them. There's nothing more beautiful than a happy woman. As simple as that.

This is in regards to liking someone. When it's just superficial desire for a shag, I don't think that can be pinpointed too far.

In all honesty, although there is no point in doing this and it is despicable behaviour but I'm sure lots of women do it, it is very easy to 'bewitch' a man but, of course, there's no guarantee it would become a serious relationship. Just the standard: make them feel handsome, funny, special, unique etc. Sadly they'd mostly fall for the act.

I agree - make the other person feel handsome, strong, clever, funny.

I did that as I genuinely thought he was h, c & f so laughed a lot!

When I met my husband I had a big zit on my nose which my husband thought made me more approachable as everything else was "out of his league" so on that personal experience I would let your zit be known!! 🤓

@fdgdfgdfgdfg

Different men like different stuff.

Personally, I like someone who's funny, self confident, outgoing (I'm more than a little bit of an introvert so someone who'll handle the lions share of the conversation is an asset!)

If you're asking more about looks then the most important things are nice eyes and a smile that lights up the room. I'm not going to lie and say that if someone with a film star body walks past they wouldn't catch my eye, but if they're dead behind the eyes then that's not going anywhere long term.

I've had 4 long term relationships with tall/short, slim/overweight, gorgeous/plain women with big/small boobs and a nice/no arse, and the only things they had in common are that they had a smile I wanted to lose myself in and a personality to match. Everything else about them becomes beautiful because you care about them.

Aw there are s

@TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine

I don’t know what men do want, although all of my partnered (hetero) female friends are pretty classically attractive (curvy, neither skinny nor fat, pretty face etc.) From my experience I can tell you they don’t want extremely short (5 foot), overweight, flat chested, insecure women - and this has been the same with/without makeup, with varying hair colour etc. I never get asked out or hit on. Never. Not even when younger. Ex was the exception and even he (that prince amongst men) admitted after we split up that it was only because he knew I liked him and it was convenient, then I got pregnant and he was stuck. Well until he f*cked off with someone else, after several years of cheating, anyway. Yes I’m bitter but I’m also pushing 50 and single with kids and have just had to accept that whatever men are looking for, I’m not it.

Aw it only takes one male, not men in general. Your ex spunds like he's bitter and twisted so ignore him! Find a hobby or mission you love and your increased zest for life will be very attractive xxx

@5128gap

Within the broader parameters, there are also trends in what is considered desirable, particularly amongst young men who seem more prone to have their tastes influenced. I have a body shape that is currently considered pleasing, small waist, with much larger hips and bum. Surprisingly this even trumps my age in my perceived desirability, as I get much more attention now than I did in my 20s, when the fashionable shape was extremely thin and straight like Kate Moss. I think this is less of a thing for older men who tend to just want young women, with all else secondary. However unless they are one of the tiny percentage who could actually attract one, in reality they don't get to be choosy.

Love the sting in the tail!

@Jasmine5552

Speaking as a woman who is plain I think men like women who are reasonably good looking, gregarious and can carry a conversation.

For me it's a package deal. Attractiveness and intellect are of equal importance. Not necessarily gregarious but definitely need to be able to hold a conversation. Actually, now I've written it, I'd say intellect and ability to hold a conversation pips looks.

You think the people paying her wages are too?

Well given these articles are typically written for women, I would be very surprised if the journalist's boss wasn't a woman too. It's very unusual for men to go into writing specifically for a female audience.

Unless someone is goddess this idea that, 'I'm out of their league', is utter egotistical nonsense.
Most people looks wise end up with someone similar to themselves.

@greasyshoes

You think the people paying her wages are too?

Well given these articles are typically written for women, I would be very surprised if the journalist's boss wasn't a woman too. It's very unusual for men to go into writing specifically for a female audience.

People writing articles for commercial reasons don't just write what they feel like. They write to a format and perspective, in line with the key messaging and culture of the publisher. The culture is cascaded down through the hierarchy from the top, where the power lies. At the top of the major media outlets are men.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Unless someone is goddess this idea that, 'I'm out of their league', is utter egotistical nonsense. Most people looks wise end up with someone similar to themselves.

I don't think this is true at all. Women in my experience tend to be with men far less attractive than themselves. Particularly in middle age. Maybe because the men have aged badly, or women place less importance on looks. Or possibly because men have a tendancy to over rate their attractiveness, while women under rate theirs. Ordinary men will often chance their luck with a very attractive women, maybe they over estimate their own appeal, or think if I'm going to be rejected I might as well aim high. If the woman is unaware of her own attractiveness, as many are, he may get lucky.

I just don't see it empirically, I think some people are deluded, that's why I used my previous example of my DW colleagues.
The I want a man like yours comments between themselves.
My preference is model looks-that preferred choice has nothing to do with social engineering, peer pressure or pot luck.🤣🤣
The whole thread is about what men find physically attractive in a woman.
Qualitatively I think people want similar things, intelligence etc.

I honestly think the punching above their weights comments are jealousy, plain and simple.

I have always taken the punching above your weight thing as a compliment. The only time it did start to irritate is when my wife's sister seemed to get a bee in her bonnet about it and for a period repeated it ad nauseam.

People writing articles for commercial reasons don't just write what they feel like. They write to a format and perspective, in line with the key messaging and culture of the publisher.

They also tend to write about things they know about, and the world of fashion is completely alien to myself and most other men. My clothing vocabulary doesn't really extend beyond "trousers", "shirt", "skirt", "dress", "sweater", or "coat". I certainly would not be equipped to write a celebrity gossip article.

The culture is cascaded down through the hierarchy from the top, where the power lies. At the top of the major media outlets are men.

If you have worked with anyone senior within any organisation, you will know they are only concerned with, a. is the work being done, b. are targets being delivered, and c. is the business making money. The guys in charge of the Daily Mail or the celebrity gossip magazines won't be reading the articles, nor will they care about their content. They will only care that the articles are being written, and that readers want to read them.

@HoneyRose87

Amanda Holden and Julia Roberts are two very beautiful women, I can imagine they would be attractive to lots of different men.

Amanda Holden might have been, had she not fiddled with her face - which is fake - and not been so terribly self-centred and me me me. She's got a good figure, which is real and down to hard work, but her face is as fake as a £3 coin. She also tries to pass of her completely self-centred self-obsession as humour and cheekiness when it's all about her.