What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

OP, do you tend to go for the most glamorous man in the group?

Love is a special magic and there's no sense to it at all.

Different men like different stuff.

Personally, I like someone who's funny, self confident, outgoing (I'm more than a little bit of an introvert so someone who'll handle the lions share of the conversation is an asset!)

If you're asking more about looks then the most important things are nice eyes and a smile that lights up the room. I'm not going to lie and say that if someone with a film star body walks past they wouldn't catch my eye, but if they're dead behind the eyes then that's not going anywhere long term.

I've had 4 long term relationships with tall/short, slim/overweight, gorgeous/plain women with big/small boobs and a nice/no arse, and the only things they had in common are that they had a smile I wanted to lose myself in and a personality to match. Everything else about them becomes beautiful because you care about them.

I think a lot of men prefer sociable and outgoing women of which I am neither.

Yes the majority of women are attracted to certain types too.
Slim, young, toned. Taller than they are with striking eyes and a full head of thick hair. Women prefer longer hair rather than bald or skin head. They also prefer clean shaven or just stubble countless studies have shown this.
Most women prefer a slim toned man to bulging muscles.
Women prefer quite an androgynous look except when they are ovulating then they tend to go for a more masculine look.
Hence the success of people like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Simon Le Bonn, David Sylvian, Marc Bolan , Harry Styles etc etc

@Gardeningcreature

Yes the majority of women are attracted to certain types too. Slim, young, toned. Taller than they are with striking eyes and a full head of thick hair. Women prefer longer hair rather than bald or skin head. They also prefer clean shaven or just stubble countless studies have shown this. Most women prefer a slim toned man to bulging muscles. Women prefer quite an androgynous look except when they are ovulating then they tend to go for a more masculine look. Hence the success of people like David Bowie, Mick Jagger, Simon Le Bonn, David Sylvian, Marc Bolan , Harry Styles etc etc

That's spot on, for me personally (no sarcasm intended), even down to the androgynous looks 😦. Though I hadn't heard about preferring a masculine look around ovulation.

@CrumpetStrumpet

Men are out there having sex with vacuum cleaners.

Don't waste your precious energy wondering what men find attractive in women. It's a fruitless task.

@Temporaryrespite

I always get confused when people say men are visual creatures because, if they are - speaking generally here of course - why does it seem to only apply to women and not other areas of life like home decor and clothes, decorating cakes etc?

Omg yes this cracked me up The whole men are visual creatures is just a way of politely saying most men are shallow as fuck and don’t see much in women beyond the checklist of physical attributes they want

What does glamourous looking mean exactly?

Maybe you had something subtle in mind, but does glamourous mean - full face of make-up, highlights or hair dyed blonde, maybe a bit of filler which looks a bit off or alien-like? I can understand Some men won't like this look, same as some women don't like a man who looks like he spends too much time in the gym.

Physically, pretty face and an hour glass figure.

@Wordleone

Yes people on Mumsnet think that life should be fair and that men are attracted to woman for their good qualities such as warmth or confidence or some sort of innate goodness. The thing is that wishing doesn't make it so. Men at least initially tend to sense innate goodness in young women who are slim and conventionally attractive. I think women generally prefer tall types with a good head of hair and that's just as shallow. Personally I was impressed with my husband's almost straight A degree.

I have known a few outliers though. I know of at least one short man who has no shortage of good quality female attention. Women make utter fools of themselves over him and he doesn't encourage it in any way. In fact, he has a male partner. I have known a few similar women who did seem to attract far more attention than their looks would seem to warrant. I think those people have some kind of charm or charisma but it's a fairly rare thing.

No I don’t think it’s about some sense of ‘fairness ‘ . It’s about thinking men not looking at women as more than objects which are selected based almost exclusively on how they look You say they find it easier to see these qualities in a young women who are slim . I would argue that they are conditioned to not consider other qualities in women Sure we need physical attraction and there’s nothing wrong with having it , but there ie something very limiting in not even considering the women are whole people made up of more than t and a . In fact for most women their body shape it appearance is the least interesting thing about them Many many will overlook a horrible personality because if the intense importance placed on womens appearance

@Nesbo

Men are probably not a homogeneous group.

“Men” includes (has included) Beckham, Einstein, Graham Norton, Geoff Capes, Putin, Michael McIntyre, Van Gogh, Ant and Dec, Michael Palin, Pavarotti, Neil Armstrong, the bloke from the fish and chip shop, … you get the idea.

You should write an updated version of the Hello song by the Beloved. It is definitely due a revival !!!!

Billy Corkhill, Vince Hilaire
Freddie Flintstone, Fred Astaire
Desmond Tutu, Steve and Claire
Hello, hello, hello, hello

All this talk from men about the ‘natural look ‘ sure they like the natural look if a woman is naturally stunning .
Never yet met one of these so called I like the natural look guys who doesn’t almost trip over himself when the made up glamour puss walks
Also seen it used a fair bit as a way to discourage their partners from wearing makeup or getting dolled up as a way of mate guarding . They know the made up look appeals to a lot of men and they don’t want other men chasing ‘ their’ woman

@TedsTortoise interesting. I thought so too until I matched with one of the most gorgeous men I’ve ever seen. He’s been very nice on messaging and suggested a date after 4 messages. Anyway, I did a search and a pic of a woman popped up with him (mother of his child). There was very little to no parity looks wise. I don’t know why I was taken aback but I was.

@CrumpetStrumpet I’m still laughing.

Sex and someone who will cook his dinner mainly in my experience.

Never yet met one of these so called I like the natural look guys who doesn’t almost trip over himself when the made up glamour puss walks

I’m married to somebody who is naturally stunning (not just my opinion) and I’d still look at a passing glamour puss. I wouldn’t necessarily want to live with one though.

Men like availability.

I watch naked attraction when I’ve had a few drinks and almost to a man they choose the slim women. The last two standing are almost always slim. Women do similar too. Maybe it portrays health and fertility ?

@hotpinkkettle

Never yet met one of these so called I like the natural look guys who doesn’t almost trip over himself when the made up glamour puss walks

I’m married to somebody who is naturally stunning (not just my opinion) and I’d still look at a passing glamour puss. I wouldn’t necessarily want to live with one though.

So you confirm what I said on two counts The natural look appeals when the woman is ‘ naturally stunning ‘ And the glamour puss is what catches mens attention The natural look on the average woman who is not stunning is not what most men lol for - although many claim otherwise

@Nbd1

I watch naked attraction when I’ve had a few drinks and almost to a man they choose the slim women. The last two standing are almost always slim. Women do similar too. Maybe it portrays health and fertility ?

Fertility and youth have always been associated for women Men have never acknowledged their declining sperm quality and energy with age It’s always always been women who are valued on youth

Youth. I realised this when I hit 40.

The natural look on the average woman who is not stunning is not what most men lol for - although many claim otherwise

Personally, I would still value the natural look, or close to it. However, my preference is probably influenced by an ex partner who used to spend an inordinate amount of time every day putting her face on. With the best of intentions, I hasten to add.

The young glamour puss in the club is going to attract eyeballs and twitch penises when she walks by.
We may as well accept that.

But men have hearts and minds as well, it's a category mistake expecting the club or app scene to engage those.

I fit the description you suggest (blondish, petite, busty) overweight now though and I can categorically say I never, ever got chatted up when out in clubs. My friends did all the time but I didn’t. I never get approached in that way. I am also quite scruffy now but could look ok in the past. It doesn’t always pan out the way you think.

@EarthSight

What does glamourous looking mean exactly?

Maybe you had something subtle in mind, but does glamourous mean - full face of make-up, highlights or hair dyed blonde, maybe a bit of filler which looks a bit off or alien-like? I can understand Some men won't like this look, same as some women don't like a man who looks like he spends too much time in the gym.

Mrs. Hr is tall, athletic, blonde and blue-eyed, and Baltic, zero filler and low levels of makeup. Men stare when she walks into a room or bar, restaurant. She calls herself a bombshell, she knows it.

My preferences are slim and pretty, no height restrictions, intelligent, bold, chatty.
No false lashes or tatts or other drivel.

As for men, if you are athletic, look healthy, bald, or have hair you'll get lots of attention. A suit is a killer on a night out or any smart outfit.

I used to work in a gym the massive men of the late '80s and '90s have gone. The fit-looking guys will still attract attention.