What do men actually find attractive about women?

[kellyspark]

After being divorced after a long marriage (adultery, his) I have started to cotton onto the fact that a lot of men like certain attributes about women that are quite surprising to me.
In a sporting hobby, some men have shown interest in me - flirting - but I wasn't ready for dating, so have treated them more like mates. This seems to have increased their attention, so I infer that they either like the chase, or they cannot figure out why I'm not flirting back and want to find out why I'm not.
Another thing seems to be that men don't automatically go for the most glamourous looking woman in a group. I'm still trying to figure that one out, but wondering if men worry about women being 'high maintenance' or maybe they think glam women are out of their league?

In my experience, women must not be too clever if they are also attractive. I think many men are intimidated by the combination of both.

@dipdye

Hmm, let's see

Pretty
Slim
Young
Not too opinionated
Not too loud
They seem to like curly hair, or long at least

But couldn’t you make an argument that these kind of attributes would work for anyone not just men ?

Surely women would look for someone good looking, not overweight, not too opinionated, not too loud, tallish, sameish age etc.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow

‘Surely women would look for someone good looking, not overweight, not too opinionated, not too loud, tallish, sameish age etc.’

Where did anyone say men are looking for sameish age ? Most men want young regardless of their age .

@CrumpetStrumpet

Men are out there having sex with vacuum cleaners.

Don't waste your precious energy wondering what men find attractive in women. It's a fruitless task.

haha, this made me laugh

Well I'm loud, opinionated, have dark curly hair, am friendly and I'm in my 50s and have never had trouble attracting men.

3 of my exes have only been attracted to dark/dark haired women.

I personally don't understand what hair colour has to do with attraction. Even if you are only looking for physical beauty, it has nothing to do with hair colour.

I can't imagine the attraction of being with someone who you only find physically attractive. Imagine how much you're missing out on? Laughing, talking, discussing, respect, awe, surprise - surely those are the best bits?

Ime men like a Natural looking well maintained woman with nice clothes but not over the top and a great personality. So a package , I don't think many men would go for the ott looking woman in a group .

The 'ideal' from a physical perspective I would agree, and guess, slim, young looking and feminine.

@Momijin

Well I'm loud, opinionated, have dark curly hair, am friendly and I'm in my 50s and have never had trouble attracting men.

3 of my exes have only been attracted to dark/dark haired women.

I personally don't understand what hair colour has to do with attraction. Even if you are only looking for physical beauty, it has nothing to do with hair colour.

I can't imagine the attraction of being with someone who you only find physically attractive. Imagine how much you're missing out on? Laughing, talking, discussing, respect, awe, surprise - surely those are the best bits?

I would agree that for most men hair colour is not a deal breaker either way. But blonde bias in our society has been phenomena for decades. From childhood princesses, fairies, angels, to adult 'bomb shells'. Many (most?) women express a preference for other colours, but still use and understand language where this is the subtext 'I saw a picture of a blonde on DHs phone' 'DD is a slim, blonde' etc. Of course men go for other hair colours, and some who have bought into the negative stereotypes of 'blondes' as shallow, ditzy, less intelligent, may actively avoid them, but for the most widespread appeal to the largest pool of men, I think it 'helps' for want of a better word. It may also be changing as more and more older women go blonde, and new negative stereotypes build around the colour.

I agree about the blonde thing. Blondes do generally get more attention in everyday life. I do, however, think the most beautiful brunettes are somehow more beautiful than their blonde counterparts. But I'm a woman so probably see it differently.

This is a bizarre thread. I can't believe people are saying things like "being blonde".

Surely there's too much variation to be able to whittle it down to a cliché.

And doesn't it depend on what type of person you want to attract?

If you want to attract the neanderthal "lad" type, then by all means, bleach your hair, get a boob job, and feign stupidity, no?

I think most men have a physical type that they are particularly attracted to. Out of a group of women for example on TV I always know my DH will find the young, really slim woman with dark shiny hair the most attractive. Bonus points if she looks Like she could be from overseas ideally Eastern European and wears masses of red lipstick and is wearing something leather.

[quote wingscrow]@5128gap Oh dear, you have described a Barbie doll crossed with a 1950's house wife...FFS.[/quote]

I mean she's not wrong. I don't even meet the looks criteria, but that's a pretty accurate summary of what younger men like... except for looking 'slightly dishevelled'😂

@littlebluetrain

And doesn't it depend on what type of person you want to attract?

If you want to attract the neanderthal "lad" type, then by all means, bleach your hair, get a boob job, and feign stupidity, no?

Well, not really, no. Being blonde with large breasts may attract the type you describe, but a man of depth and intelligence who values women for their personality over their looks wouldnt be put off by your breasts and hair, as looks wouldn't matter, so surely you'd attract them both and have your pick? Not suggesting for a moment women should change themselves, but I think that argument lacks logic.

@5128gap

As a woman, from my observation and experience, the traits that appeal to the widest pool of men are: A traditionally feminine appearance, small, slim but curvy hour glass shape, long hair, (blonde helps), happy looking. Probably not drop dead stunning as needs to seem accessible. Clothes that show off the body and are not too out there in style. Not overly groomed, ever so slightly dishevelled, achieving the perfect balance between 'taking care of herself' and overlly focused on looks/artificial. Personality: aporoachable, interested in them, laugh at their jokes, seem to like them a lot, positive outlook, easy going. Not overly confident, in no way make them feel inferior. Not all men want these things obviously, many want something entirely different, but any woman who has these traits and will act in these ways is likely to receive a lot of interest.

This can’t be a serious post surely? Men are generested in small slim curvy blondes with long hair who look slightly disheveled laugh at their jokes and aren’t very confident. 😂😂😂😂

Well my two single male friends both have a thing for tallish slim fit looking brunnettes, who are confident and do proffessional roles.

My husband certainly isn’t interested in small blondes, neither is his brother, and in fact in our friendship group fo eight, only one of the men would go for the type you describe.

Men, like women, have all different types. The ditsy blonde is a silly stereotype.

I read on here often that men are intimidated by strong, successful, educated women. Most of my male friends are married to what can be described as strong, successful, educated women, it was those qualities in part that drew said husband's to them. It amuses me on MN when some folk state that they are only single because they are clever, loud and opinionated, I often think there is probably some other reason they are single outside those qualities.

@CrimbleCrumble1

I think most men have a physical type that they are particularly attracted to. Out of a group of women for example on TV I always know my DH will find the young, really slim woman with dark shiny hair the most attractive. Bonus points if she looks Like she could be from overseas ideally Eastern European and wears masses of red lipstick and is wearing something leather.

that's quite specific! Reminds me of Nena of 99 balloons fame.

fenellastripe yes very specific! Nena would work, lots of the James Bond stars are good too! Me almost 30 years ago also good.

@Momijin

Well I'm loud, opinionated, have dark curly hair, am friendly and I'm in my 50s and have never had trouble attracting men.

3 of my exes have only been attracted to dark/dark haired women.

I personally don't understand what hair colour has to do with attraction. Even if you are only looking for physical beauty, it has nothing to do with hair colour.

I can't imagine the attraction of being with someone who you only find physically attractive. Imagine how much you're missing out on? Laughing, talking, discussing, respect, awe, surprise - surely those are the best bits?

I think (natural)hair colour and smell are linked.. I can't bear the smell of most blond men, so however good looking/fit/witty a blond man might be, I wouldn't be dating him. Something to do with pheremones (sp?) I think.

@Stravaig

This thread is confirming that I may never have sex again. Where on earth do you find someone whose sexual tastes and sexual responses haven't been warped by porn?

It's not about porn. Men have been attracted to curvy figures, big tits and "traditionally feminine" attributes since forever. That's why the word "traditionally" is used for them.

Interesting the large variance and much contradiciton just on this thread. Maybe it is impossible to generalise.

One thing I've never understood is the blonde thing. Hair colour makes literally no difference to how attractive I find someone.

My post was entirely serious chestofdraws. Even if it's not reflective of 7 of the 8 men you know, surely you must recognise it from the wider world outside of your friendship group; as reflected in the media and often in the choices of high profile, affluent men with the ability to choose? Footballers, celebrities, world leaders? And of course there will be exceptions, but when considering trends, no other female 'type' seems to have such widespread popularity.

I once googled princesses around the world and so many looked like clones of each other which is odd considering 50% must have married a prince rather than being born a princess.

"This can’t be a serious post surely? Men are generested in small slim curvy blondes with long hair who look slightly disheveled laugh at their jokes and aren’t very confident. 😂😂😂😂

Well my two single male friends both have a thing for tallish slim fit looking brunnettes, who are confident and do proffessional roles.

My husband certainly isn’t interested in small blondes, neither is his brother, and in fact in our friendship group fo eight, only one of the men would go for the type you describe.

Men, like women, have all different types. The ditsy blonde is a silly stereotype."

I wish you were right but that post is honestly spot on. I wish I could post photos of all of the couples I know who fit this description. There wouldn't be anyone left at the end of it. Contrary to what another poster sated, they aren't necessarily bitchy blonde women either. Many are really, lovely people and non racist. Many are bottle blondes (originally mousy so not much of a change).

Men are visual creatures and the appearance will be enough to hook them initially. Beyond this, they would apply some discernment I am sure. I am not talking about Ken Dolls either but serious intellectual heavyweights who run the show

• Confident, but not too confident.
• Slim, but curvy.
• Takes care of herself, but not too high maintenance.
• Sense of humour, in that she should laugh at the same things as him, and particularly his jokes.
• Intelligent, but not to the point she will pick up on him talking bollocks or make him feel he can't keep up.

The lines between just right and too much will be fine, and different for everyone. Almost like they're all individuals.

In any case, it's not like my height is suddenly going to change. I have been losing weight recently, but I'm a long way off being petite, and even at my heaviest, I had small breasts, but a couple of men have seemed fascinated by my nipples so who cares? I don't wear make-up and if there's a man who thinks I should, then he's not the man for me. I wear clothes I like - again, if it doesn't suit them, tough - we obviously weren't meant to be.

I know what I'm looking for in a man (turns out I'm fussiest than I realised,) in terms of looks, physique, intelligence,politics and so on. I don't expect them to change for me, and I'm certainly not changing for them. So what they are looking for is something for them to worry about, and I'll look at what suits me, and sometimes there's a match. Sometimes, Bumble tells me I missed a match, but I haven't- they might have liked me, but I swiped left for whatever other reason, not because I thought they might or might not like me. There have been a fair few I have liked whom I haven't matched with, so it all balances out. I'd find it weird if they all matched.