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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I need to finish this don't I?

257 replies

sleepspray · 13/02/2022 15:11

I was away with my partner of 18 months for the weekend. We had a wonderful weekend until we got locked out of our guest house so despite many attempts to get in contact with the owner, we had to sleep in the car.
We were both annoyed but he was particularly upset. He spoke to me like shit.Didn't really care that I was really cold and generally mean.
When we finally got into the building, he was so rude to the lady who was very upset that this had happened and was very apologetic. She offered us breakfast and the room for an extended period.
He flounced off to the room, packed his stuff and met me at the doorway.
When I asked him where he was going ... he simply said' home' and left. We don't live together. He's 46 btw.
So he left ..
Do I leave him for this?

OP posts:
Momijin · 14/02/2022 05:06

I can imagine anyone being super annoyed about this, of course. But it was a mistake and people sometimes makes mistakes. And it wasn't your fault and noone died. So instead of salvaging the weekend by getting a few hours sleep and breakfast and having a nice Sunday, he just left without caring for you. You were there to accommodate his situation - being near his kids yet away. And still he behaved like that. What a dick. I'm sorry op.

isthismylifenow · 14/02/2022 05:16

@linchinton

I'm sorry if I've mis-understood, but he made you sleep in a car when you were a 10 min cab ride from his house???? I understand he might not have wanted his teenage daughters to meet you, but if they are old enough to leave over night then they are old enough to know he has a gf?

Are you sure he's not married?

This was my thought.

Why sleep in a frozen car when there is an option to get a taxi for a 10 min trip.

tara66 · 14/02/2022 06:18

He probably had a hang over too which did not improve his mood if he drank too much to drive for 10 mins to his home. He must have been really drunk as would have surely been very familiar with the road, traffic and the area at that time of the night, I think I would just have chanced the drive for 10 mins. and gone very slowly. Unless he's lucky enough to have very vigilant police there which is not likely!

sassbott · 14/02/2022 06:22

@tara66 I drive to my train station which is a 5-8 min drive. On occasion I have had a drink after work. In which case that car is left in the station car park.

thankgod neither one of these two thought that was an option. You’d risk harming others/ prison/ a fine vs sleeping in a car for one night?

NandorTheRelentlessCleaner · 14/02/2022 07:16

So odd that you slept in your cars Grin

Much better to walk 30 mins, even in a storm, and then get a proper night's sleep! In a bed!

Original poster
sleepspray · 14/02/2022 07:57

He loses his shut every now and again when his back is to the wall or the fb he has been found out when being a dick.
He hates confrontation and is as stubborn as a mule to boot.
He really seems to be unable to cope with any level of personal stress or minor issue.
Yesterday showed a genuine lack of care for me and selfishness.
Still no apology or text since.

OP posts:
dogmandu · 14/02/2022 08:00

I have to say I also wondered if he was married. It all falls into place why he wouldn't want OP to go to his place.

pictish · 14/02/2022 08:13

I’m with you all the way OP. What a rude, selfish, emotionally immature man. No use at all…would make you frightened and miserable. To my mind you are astute, self-respecting and realistic. You have seen how it will be and you don’t want any of that. Bloody good.

Journeynotdestination · 14/02/2022 08:14

Do his daughters know about you OP? Do you have a relationship with them? Or met them? Just can’t fathom why he wouldn’t go back to his with you.

pictish · 14/02/2022 08:24

Maybe it’s a midden? A disgusting tip that he didn’t want her to see. Stab in the dark like…but could explain not wanting walk the half hour back to his place when that seemed like the obvious, logical thing to do.

It doesn’t matter now of course…the issue is the aggression, rudeness and callousness he has shown in (not) dealing with a minor crisis.
I wouldn’t stick around to be treated like that.

Iamnotamermaid · 14/02/2022 08:39

I always thought that the best way to see a person's true colours was to travel with them. See them when they are tired, hungry and have a problem to deal with - any pretence of been a decent human can quickly falls to the wayside.

Yes, you should have had access to the accommodation and that is cause for complaint (I would have been very annoyed as well) but anyone with a shred of decency would have handled that better, it was not your fault. But it does give you a glimpse into what he would be like with a big crisis. I would be expecting an (unasked for) apology from him to consider staying with him.

pictish · 14/02/2022 08:50

I wouldn’t consider staying with him even with a full and frank apology.

steppemum · 14/02/2022 08:56

Read the thread people.

They tried to phone a taxi, no taxis available.

I am not sure I would ahve walked for half an hour, in a light jacket, with possible inappropriate shoes, in the pouring rain. 30 minutes is a long walk to be soaking wet on.

and OP has said he refused to walk anywhere.

pictish · 14/02/2022 08:59

Of course that’s easy for me to say…it’s not my relationship.
But having been through the mill with a verbally abusive, narcissistic man toddler, I’m not given to issuing chances because I’ve lived how it goes. This sort of incident is par for the course. You have accepted his poor self management thus far and now he’s upped the ante. Accepting apologies is still accepting it. I know better and I would not.

What you do is up to you. If you do choose to keep seeing him…remember that any bad behaviour is still his doing. That is always the case.

Original poster
sleepspray · 14/02/2022 09:08

He doesn't see that he has done anything g wrong in view of lack of apology.
He has text to say that He will
Drop my work stuff to mine when I'm not there.
Proof is f the pudding etc.

OP posts:
Tempusfudgeit · 14/02/2022 09:14

@tara66

He probably had a hang over too which did not improve his mood if he drank too much to drive for 10 mins to his home. He must have been really drunk as would have surely been very familiar with the road, traffic and the area at that time of the night, I think I would just have chanced the drive for 10 mins. and gone very slowly. Unless he's lucky enough to have very vigilant police there which is not likely!
You idiot.
KosherDill · 14/02/2022 09:14

Sounds like you are well rid.

thingymaboob · 14/02/2022 09:18

@tara66

He probably had a hang over too which did not improve his mood if he drank too much to drive for 10 mins to his home. He must have been really drunk as would have surely been very familiar with the road, traffic and the area at that time of the night, I think I would just have chanced the drive for 10 mins. and gone very slowly. Unless he's lucky enough to have very vigilant police there which is not likely!
What an awful thing to suggest as an alternative. Drink driving!
Original poster
sleepspray · 14/02/2022 09:40

He has now text to apologise and say he understands why I feel let down, hurt and upset , that he is ashamed of the way he handled it all and that he is deeply sorry

OP posts:
steppemum · 14/02/2022 09:43

@sleepspray

He has now text to apologise and say he understands why I feel let down, hurt and upset , that he is ashamed of the way he handled it all and that he is deeply sorry
sounds like he has read this thread!!
Original poster
sleepspray · 14/02/2022 09:44

Bet he has !

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 14/02/2022 09:49

OP, you are very short on detail of your overall relationship - fair enough. But I’m guessing you haven’t met his kids.

Original poster
sleepspray · 14/02/2022 09:56

I have met his kids many times and he has met mine.
The past weekend was for both of us to have time on our own.
Outrelationship was generally very happy and healthy.

OP posts:
Mojoj · 14/02/2022 10:00

@formalineadeline there's always one....

Journeynotdestination · 14/02/2022 10:00

It’s tricky! I’d have hated to be in your position. I’m not sure I’d end it because of it, but I’d certainly be backing off a lot emotionally.