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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this a hotel ?

245 replies

anon50 · 12/02/2022 01:29

I know this may sound weird, but from this image does this look like it's in a hotel.
I know it's a bit hard to tell but all opinions are very much welcome.

Is this a hotel ?
OP posts:
Jijithecat · 12/02/2022 15:00

Just contact the police OP. If you can't face talking to someone right now, do it online. You could report online anonymously to Crimestoppers or if you think he just married you for a visa, try Immigration Enforcement.
Do something OP, the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

LIZS · 12/02/2022 15:05

Where do you think he is/was? Does it really matter though. Save your mh by kicking him out and not letting him stay long enough to claim residence.

Aphantasia · 12/02/2022 15:19

@Tiann92, I’m so sorry he’s now moved on to being abusive. Listen, violence is never the answer, I’m sure you know that, but him having videoed you hitting him isn’t any reason not to ask for help. He’s 6’2”, 19 stone, has married you under false pretences, is cheating, lying to you, gaslighting you AND blackmailing you. File for divorce, go to the police to get him removed from your home, and get help from women’s aid. He’s done a right job on you and it’s only going to get worse unless you end it now and make a clean break of it. Get him out, and go no contact. You deserve a happy peaceful life and he absolutely cannot offer you that.

LIZS · 12/02/2022 15:24

Why do you think he may be at a fertility clinic? Doubt they have a tariff of procedures on display. Tell police you have been scammed. He is enjoying winding you up.

girlmom21 · 12/02/2022 15:43

Speak to the police. Tell them everything. They'll help.

He's got his visa under false pretences.

RantyAunty · 12/02/2022 15:45

You really need to get rid of this con man.

I don't understand why you're still engaging with his bs.

bonfireheart · 12/02/2022 15:55

Speak to your family
Speak to your friends
Speak to womens aid
Speak to your GP
Speak to the police
Speak to immigration

Enough with the texts and Facebook and even MN, get yourself out of this situation.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/02/2022 16:15

@Tiann92

He's recently been in fertility clinics?

Does this mean you're actively trying to conceive and bring a baby into this mess of a relationship OP?

Come on now, that would be so grossly unfair on a child.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 12/02/2022 16:21

Tiann Well done for acknowledging that the marriage is over.

You say you don’t know what to do.

What is your living situation? Are you in a rented flat? Is it in your name, his name or both?

You work for the same people as him: can you find another job?

Keep the pictures of your bruises, report him to the police. He hit you, you tried to defend yourself. TELL THE POLICE. They can make sure he stays away from your home.

Get a lawyer, say you want a divorce, show the lawyer the bruise pics. If you have them show the lawyer the evidence of his sex videos etc.

Start a new thread maybe, about the best way to get rid of him from your life. Because this is now swamped with posts about hotel doors.

You will get lots of help and support.

LIZS · 12/02/2022 16:51

A child gives grounds for a residence claim. You need him out of your life.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 12/02/2022 17:05

@LIZS

A child gives grounds for a residence claim. You need him out of your life.
Good point!

OP, whatever you do, do not get pregnant/ have a child with this man. If things are bad now they will be 10 times worse when you are dealing with all this as a single parent! (Because obviously you will be a single parent, unless you settle down to be the abused, bashed woman trapped at home with no income of your own as he shags around to his dicks content. While your child looks on).

Aphantasia · 12/02/2022 17:44

Just read your post about being at a fertility clinic, dear god do not have a child with this man! You need to get away from him not tie yourself to him even more

Shelby1981 · 12/02/2022 17:47

Yes. Door closet, air con unit, fire escape route, lock...

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 17:47

A child gives grounds for a residence claim. You need him out of your life.

Out of interest would he get to stay if he impregnates some other woman then?

LIZS · 12/02/2022 17:51

In theory yes if the mother is resident or settled status.
www.gov.uk/government/publications/application-to-settle-in-the-uk-form-setm

girlmom21 · 12/02/2022 17:54

@PinkSyCo

A child gives grounds for a residence claim. You need him out of your life.

Out of interest would he get to stay if he impregnates some other woman then?

He could apply. If he got his original visa fraudulently he still probably wouldn't be allowed to say. My sisters dad was deported even though he had her.
LIZS · 12/02/2022 17:55

Indefinite leave to remain can be cancelled if gained by deception.

PinkSyCo · 12/02/2022 17:57

In theory yes if the mother is resident or settled status.

Shit, he’s probably got his next victim lined up then. OP I’m so sorry you got duped by
this cheating, gaslighting, woman beating conman and his family. Flowers

Faevern · 12/02/2022 19:45

He is here on a spousal visa how clear is it now that he used you to get in to the U.K.? If you divorce him he is no longer entitled to be in the U.K. he will be here illegally but he’s here now and if you have his child he can and will use that to obtain limited leave to remain and eventually unlimited. I see it regularly, there is definite grooming happening usually to vulnerable women who are in denial.

Faevern · 12/02/2022 19:49

Oh and if he’s recording you hitting him he may use domestic violence to help his case. Don’t underestimate what he is capable of or his true attitude to women.

Original poster
Anon50 · 12/02/2022 23:10

@Faevern

Oh and if he’s recording you hitting him he may use domestic violence to help his case. Don’t underestimate what he is capable of or his true attitude to women.
That's the main thing I'm worried about how he's turning everything on me, if I call the police to tell them he won't leave that is what he said he would show them he would tell them I am constantly abusing him. He busted my nose in December I have never seen so much blood he held a knife to me when I found all his recordings of his video calls but I don't have any evidence of this when your in the moment that is not what I'm thinking of that I need to get evidence.
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 12/02/2022 23:11

@Faevern

He is here on a spousal visa how clear is it now that he used you to get in to the U.K.? If you divorce him he is no longer entitled to be in the U.K. he will be here illegally but he’s here now and if you have his child he can and will use that to obtain limited leave to remain and eventually unlimited. I see it regularly, there is definite grooming happening usually to vulnerable women who are in denial.
Apparently he says a divorce is not so easy and I would have to go to Nigeria to get it done. I don't know this for sure though .
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 12/02/2022 23:12

@Aphantasia

Just read your post about being at a fertility clinic, dear god do not have a child with this man! You need to get away from him not tie yourself to him even more
We had planned to have a child that is one thing for years we were talking about and it's something I've always wanted.
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 12/02/2022 23:28

He also took my glasses away, took my phone away from me for hours . All of which I have no evidence of this yet he has evidence of when I have hit him back .

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/02/2022 23:36

@Anon50

He also took my glasses away, took my phone away from me for hours . All of which I have no evidence of this yet he has evidence of when I have hit him back .
And you think it's fair to bring a child into this relationship? Really?

I'm sorry but how incredibly selfish and unfair.