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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this a hotel ?

245 replies

anon50 · 12/02/2022 01:29

I know this may sound weird, but from this image does this look like it's in a hotel.
I know it's a bit hard to tell but all opinions are very much welcome.

Is this a hotel ?
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 13/02/2022 00:05

No, I don't anymore, I realise he's not the man I fell for and he won't change.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/02/2022 00:25

Then please call womens aid and ask them for advice on how to get out of this relationship, mentioning the fact he's said that divorce will be complicated by him being Nigerian / the visa etc so they can find info for you / signpost you to relevant info and reassure you.

And most importantly, do not have sex with him. Do not get pregnant.

wtfwasthatmate · 13/02/2022 02:24

Apparently he says a divorce is not so easy and I would have to go to Nigeria to get it done. I don't know this for sure though .

Why are you taking advice from him? Go to the police, have him removed from your home. See a solicitor, get a divorce.

girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 07:55

@Anon50

He also took my glasses away, took my phone away from me for hours . All of which I have no evidence of this yet he has evidence of when I have hit him back .
You hitting him back is almost irrelevant at this point. Don't worry about those videos.
isthismylifenow · 13/02/2022 08:03

Did you get married in Nigeria OP?

Faevern · 13/02/2022 08:11

Get in touch with woman's aid he is far more practiced at this than you are.

www.womensaid.org.uk/
chat.womensaid.org.uk/
survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk/

Find out waht is in your local area too.

Anniegetyourgun · 13/02/2022 09:40

Not that I suppose it matters at this point, but it's quite possible - I'd even say likely - that he really isn't the man you fell for. I imagine someone making a very nice living out of corresponding with women overseas on behalf of men looking for visas. He (or even she!) does the beautiful writing, the bait is taken, and off goes one of his clients to meet her. It's not a new thing. Cyrano de Bergerac, anyone?

And don't believe what this scammer says about the law. Obviously he'll tell you whatever he wants you to think. The suggestion above of contacting organisations such as Women's aid is a very good one. They can tell you what the law actually is, not what some lying cheat claims it is.

Emmelina · 13/02/2022 14:15

Yes, I’d say hotel room. Looks like the fire safety notice on the door, bathroom off to one side. Peephole.

whynotwhatknot · 13/02/2022 17:44

If you got married here you get a divorce here op

do you own or rent

CovidCorvid · 13/02/2022 17:51

The police are not going to be interested in his videos. Not when you say everything he’s done. Even if they don’t prosecute him due to lack of evidence they would still help ensure your safety, they’d help with non molestation orders, restraining orders, etc.

And to be honest your word may well be enough for a domestic abuse prosecution. I know someone who’s boyfriend was prosecuted and there was no evidence. Only the other person’s word. He was found guilty and then deported.

Original poster
Anon50 · 13/02/2022 19:15

@whynotwhatknot

If you got married here you get a divorce here op

do you own or rent

We got married in Nigeria , I currently rent, his name isn't on the tenancy .
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 13/02/2022 19:16

@Faevern

Get in touch with woman's aid he is far more practiced at this than you are.

www.womensaid.org.uk/
chat.womensaid.org.uk/
survivorsforum.womensaid.org.uk/

Find out waht is in your local area too.

Thank you .
OP posts:
Original poster
Anon50 · 13/02/2022 19:17

@CovidCorvid

The police are not going to be interested in his videos. Not when you say everything he’s done. Even if they don’t prosecute him due to lack of evidence they would still help ensure your safety, they’d help with non molestation orders, restraining orders, etc.

And to be honest your word may well be enough for a domestic abuse prosecution. I know someone who’s boyfriend was prosecuted and there was no evidence. Only the other person’s word. He was found guilty and then deported.

My worry is the police will believe him, and he said he would send the videos to my friend's and my parents. It would be all very embarrassing.
OP posts:
LIZS · 13/02/2022 20:18

Is the marriage legally recognised here? Ask him to leave, a short term embarrassment is better than a lifetime of use and abuse. If he won't go call police.n

itsfreeeeeeezing1234 · 13/02/2022 20:21

Yes it looks like a B and B or something

HomeHomeInTheRange · 13/02/2022 20:59

OP, you can almost certainly get a divorce here, and do not need to go to Nigeria.
raydensolicitors.co.uk/blog/how-to-divorce-if-married-in-another-country-2/

Talk to a solicitor.

Get the divorce moving…. BUT also talk to Women’s Aid.

He is clearly very violent, and has a lot at stake. You either need to remove yourself to a place of safety or he needs to be subject to a non molestation order.

CovidCorvid · 13/02/2022 21:11

Your friends and family love you and support you. I have an adult daughter. I’d want to know if she was getting abused by her partner. I’d support her and protect her and wouldn’t give a shit what videos he had…..I wouldn’t even watch them! This is him trying to control you.

diddl · 14/02/2022 17:41

Is the fertility clinics him trying to prove that the relationship is "real"?

At the end of the day Op, if you no longer want to be married to him because he is violent/abusive & you feel that he married you under false pretences then that's that.

Even if he denies it all he cannot force you to stay married to him.

JimmyDurham · 14/02/2022 20:44

@HirplesWithHaggis

With a chain on the door?
It's an hotel IMO. The sign on the door gives it away. I've stayed in budget hotels with chains on the door.
BOOTS52 · 14/02/2022 23:22

It is strange as never saw any hotel with the chain lock on the door.

Can you not stay with someone for a few days just to clear your head as when you are in a situation easier to think better when away from them. But listen to your gut as if you feel something is not right then usually it is not. But all the mind games and gas lighting will make you so ill and stressed and no relationship should make you feel like you are going mad. Been there before staying single as cannot be arsed with all the crap.. Hope you get some closure and peace of mind but he probably will never tell you the truth but has other things changed recently and has he been distant? Look after yourself.

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