DH doesn't want to spend his birthday with us

[Limewater]

Hi there,

New here but I’ve been a lurker for years - hoping some of you ladies can give me your opinion on this dilemma because I’ve gotten in a right mood over it and now can’t tell if I’m being way over the top?!

DH and I have been together since we were 16. 13 years later and we have a DD and DS and just got married in January 2022. My DH is due to turn 30 in April and a couple of weeks ago I started making a list of things I thought he might like to do - travel/fancy meal/night outs etc. I figure everyone wants a fuss made out of them on their 30th?! Anyway, he listened to the ideas and gave a lack lustre response but didn’t downright dismiss any of them.

Cut to this evening, he’s come in and said, ‘I’ve checked with the ‘boys’ and they’re all free on my birthday weekend - so I’m planning to go to Edinburgh on my birthday (Fri 15th) and come back on the Sunday (Sun 17th)’.

I was upset because I came up with loads of plans for him to choose from. All really well thought through and involving varying degrees of friend groups so there would have been loads to enjoy. But he doesn’t want to spend his 30th with me AT ALL. I guess I’ll be at home looking after the children. Not to mention that that weekend is actually Easter Weekend - which I feel like should be considered family time?

When I asked him why he doesn’t want to go away with me, he said, ‘we don’t really have fun when we go away. I want to actually have fun and go drinking with my friends’… I’m just hurt - why did you marry me if you don’t enjoy my company?! I thought we did have fun? And I do drink btw (just not until I’m sick… like some people I know).

What do you guys think?

I've only read OPs posts so I apologise if this has been said. He got married to you "for logistics"? what does he mean by that?

Can you get legal advice? I would be looking at what my options are, you are very young to be tied to someone who thinks you're not fun on a night out because of 2 events 5 and 10 years ago. Sorry to say, i think this relationship has already run out of steam.

you said, op "what does he want?" single life, that's what he wants. Give him that for his birthday and don't look back

@Toanewstart23

They were 16 when go together Had a baby at 22 before married Both practising catholics

It’s not unreasonable to think logistics / pressure played a part

If they were practising Catholics they wouldn't be having sex and living together before marriage. Considering how long it took before they finally got married, I doubt any religious "pressure" played a part.

Hi OP,
how are you?

hope you are coping. Another one saying here, please do not have another child with this man. Does he even really want one? or does he just want you tied-down so you will have to stay with him no matter what he does? It sounds like he is planning to pretend to be single again on his weekend away with his mates.
Please contact your friends for support here and don't waste time planning anything for his birthday - you won't have the money since he will be spending it on himself already.