“Hey you”

[FriendProblem]

Can you help with a difference of opinion that I’m having with a friend?

She is single and fancies one of our married male friends (not my DH). She says she often starts her text messages to him as “Hey you”, invites him for drinks without his wife, and likes to hint about her sex life in front of him in a flirty way.

Obviously, it is the husband’s responsibility to stay faithful, but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

My friend thinks it is fine.

I’m interested to hear different opinions, as at the moment I’m a bit uncomfortable about continuing the friendship with her.

She sounds like a twat. I think I’d probably stay friends if you have a lot of history or if she has some nice qualities, but shut down all conversations about this matter: “I’ve told you what I think, I don’t want to hear about it”

Totally agree with Traum!

Totally inappropriate. She doesn’t sound like a nice friend at all.

Totally agree with you. What's her aim in all of this, to make his wife, her friend, uncomfortable, to get him to cheat, to just parade around feeling irresistible? Tell her you don't want to hear about any of this from now on.

I don't know why you are focusing on the 'Hey you' wording as that in itself seems innocuous, but otherwise I agree with Traumdeuter .

Vile. Wouldn’t want her as a friend and tell her to delete my number! Could be your husband, next - you’d hope your friends would tell you, wouldn’t you!?

Thanks everyone for such quick responses!

Clarice The “Hey you” sounds flirty to me. But it’s interesting to hear that you think it is innocuous.

Altogether depends if you want a potential deliberate marriage and family wrecker as a friend.

I wouldn’t

@FriendProblem

Thanks everyone for such quick responses!

Clarice The “Hey you” sounds flirty to me. But it’s interesting to hear that you think it is innocuous.

I don’t think it’s innocuous

Yes, i only ever use the phrase 'hey you' if I am interested in someone, in a relationship with them or am trying to be...

what a very sad situation, she must be extremely insecure & sad to be getting her ego boost in this way.

I'd have nothing to do with her & I hope someone does this to her one day

She’s not a nice person to do that and I wouldn’t be friends with her. Someone I used to work with was like this to various men over the years, she wasn’t very liked.
I’ve had men be ‘over friendly’ to me like this, I’ve always shut them down and blocked them if it continued. I hope the man she’s doing this to isn’t entertaining her attention seeking.

@CrumpleHornedSnowcack

what a very sad situation, she must be extremely insecure & sad to be getting her ego boost in this way.

I'd have nothing to do with her & I hope someone does this to her one day

These answers are a lot stronger than I was expecting but are expressing more clearly how I’m feeling about her.

I think she is very insecure. She’s been single for a long time and is very keen to find a husband and have children.

Some friend she is. Glad she's not mine!

Will actively go after the husband of another friend. Yes the husband would be the one being unfaithful but she's still a twatt!

@isthismylifenow

Yes, i only ever use the phrase 'hey you' if I am interested in someone, in a relationship with them or am trying to be...

I don't personally associate it with flirtation but I suppose it depends on communication styles within your circle.

Hey you is DEFINITELY flirty, that is absolutely how I started messages to a bloke I fancied, or chatting on OLD etc

Ugh. Moral vacuum. What a nasty person she is.

I couldn’t continue a friendship with someone who was happy to lie and encourage betrayal and all that shit.

I wouldn't stay friends with her and I'd tell the husband's wife what she was doing. And accept the fall-out. Rather have no friends than friends like her 🤬

I'd end that friendship asap. I don't keep people with shitty moral fibre in my life. Because they aren't nice people.

And does your friend actually know she fancies her husband? Because how the hell would she be ok with that?

I mean (unless he is turning turning her invites?) I'd assume he is gasligjting his partner into thinking that shit is normal and she has to be ok with it. Or maybe she hates her husband and is hoping he will leave with her lol.

Shes flirting with your other mates husband. I would tell her to pack it in and stop being so inappropriate.

So completely out of order! She is not a good person!!

I have used hey you in highly inappropriate situations then...

But that aside she sounds awful. How is she in other aspects?

It's grim and shows such a lack of morals I'm not sure I could be her friend.

@FriendProblem

Thanks everyone for such quick responses!

Clarice The “Hey you” sounds flirty to me. But it’s interesting to hear that you think it is innocuous.

I often start text messages to my husband with “Hey you” so I do think it is how you address somebody you are close to.

Your friend sounds awful. To be honest, I think it is something I would end a friendship over.

Also consider op, what kind of person tells someone these things? If someone is telling you they fancy and fliet with their friends partner the same way they would tell you they bought a new car...that implies they lack empathy. That they are a sociopath or a narcissist or similar. Because a normal person has shame when they do something bad. They don't brag and boast about things like that.

Don't stay mates with a psychopath. People who have no empathy are scary. They have no loyalty and no qualms fucking anyone over to get whatever they want.

Does the recipient of "hey you, fancy going for a drink" engage with the messages, or worse accept the invites?

Agree with the masses though, that this person is not "friend" material,