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Original poster

“Hey you”

175 replies

FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 09:56

Can you help with a difference of opinion that I’m having with a friend?

She is single and fancies one of our married male friends (not my DH). She says she often starts her text messages to him as “Hey you”, invites him for drinks without his wife, and likes to hint about her sex life in front of him in a flirty way.

Obviously, it is the husband’s responsibility to stay faithful, but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

My friend thinks it is fine.

I’m interested to hear different opinions, as at the moment I’m a bit uncomfortable about continuing the friendship with her.

OP posts:
MenopauseSucks · 10/02/2022 13:20

Well she's found herself a husband but she's not the woman he's married to...

I'd ditch the friend. I hope the man isn't responding to her overtures.

scoobydoo1971 · 10/02/2022 13:32

If she lacks ethics over potentially breaking up a marriage, and doesn't care about that, or his wife...she would walk over anyone to get what she wants and that includes you. Keep friend at arm's length as she will be a right user with that approach to life.

Original poster
FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 13:35

@MrsWinters

I’m not sure talking about her sex life and telling someone about the other guys she’s bonking is a great flirting technique! I doubt she’ll get very far with him, he just sounds like a silly man who is flattered by the attention
She does it to titillate.
OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 10/02/2022 13:44

So does the man respond back to her?
If his wife is a friend of yours you should tell her. Invite her for coffee or something and then just tell her as you've told it here. Say you don't want to be get involved but as your friend has been telling you all this, you can't just not say anything to her as you'd want to know if it was your husband on the receiving end.
Then she can do with it what she will. Possible the husband has already told her about the odd messages. Lets hope so. If not, she has the option perhaps of seeing if hes been replying.

If I were in her position, i'd want to know. Id be grateful for the heads up.

dottydodah · 10/02/2022 13:50

She sounds out of order here.I would not want to be friends with her at all!. So she has no boundaries? Running after a married man is a big No No !.

Mo1911 · 10/02/2022 14:00

Hey you is something I only use with people I'm particularly fond of, my children and a few very close friends. To me it's not innocuous and does have a lot of familiarity attached to it but only she knows her true intentions (which do sound a bit suss to me!!)

sheildmaiden · 10/02/2022 14:05

Your friends an ass. You need to tell the wife what she's doing if her husband hasn't already. Then end the friendship as soon as possible.

caranations · 10/02/2022 14:08

I wouldn't trust her any further than I could throw her. She's clearly out to find a man, and isn't bothered if he's already spoken for.

Watch your back.

Kshhuxnxk · 10/02/2022 14:11

She would no longer be a friend of mine and I would.make it quite clear why.

newbeginnings22 · 10/02/2022 14:11

Your friend is a tramp for pursuing a married man, and he's every bit as bad if he plays along.
I wouldn't see this woman as a friend. What if she takes a liking to your husband?
She clearly has no loyalties or boundaries and I personally would tell her she's out of order
Depending on the group friend dynamics...I'd be sorely tempted to have a word with the husband and potentially the wife

Cas112 · 10/02/2022 14:12

She is horrible

Why be friends with someone who has those morals? god knows what else she thinks is OK.

fenellastripe · 10/02/2022 14:14

I've heard some extrovert women chat about their sex lives to all and sundry, so that wouldn't necessarily ring alarm bells to me. What is more concerning is the 'hey you'. I never start a message like this. If it's someone I know well I just launch into the message. If it's someone I know less well I would probably say hi and their name first.
The 'you' would be reserved for my significant other.

PinkSyCo · 10/02/2022 14:15

but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

That’s a understatement if ever I’ve heard one! Your friend is an underhand, deceitful, selfish bitch who is going out of her way trying to destroy her ‘friends’ life and would not know the meaning of true friendship if it slapped her in the face. She doesn’t deserve any friends and I would fuck her off if I were you and I’d warn the other woman what she’s up to too.

MaeveDidIt · 10/02/2022 14:16

She’s trouble and frankly horrible.
There’s no way I would have her as a friend.
And ‘hey you’ IS flirty, particularly in the context she is using it in.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 10/02/2022 14:21

As PP said, lucky she doesn’t fancy your husband!

pippistrelle · 10/02/2022 14:24

Is 'hello you' also flirtatious, or does the relative formality of 'hello' mean that it is an acceptable greeting to colleagues?

Original poster
FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 14:24

@Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly

How does the bloke respond? I would be more likely to speak to him and tell him you know the friend is flirting with him but assume he's told his wife so save you from doing it. If he IS meeting her then I would definitely tell the wife. But hopefully he is trying to ignore the flirting......
He has gone for drinks with her. But each say it is because they are good friends.
OP posts:
TrufflesAndToast · 10/02/2022 14:27

I’d have a quiet word with her and mention that people have been talking about how she’s throwing herself at this bloke and laughing at her. You’re only telling her as a friend of course, as you don’t want her to carry on embarrassing herself. A bit unkind perhaps but if it pulls her up short it might be worth it. And she doesn’t sound like a very nice person so I wouldn’t worry that much tbh.

Workinghardeveryday · 10/02/2022 14:29

TELL THE WIFE!!! @FriendProblem

I would want to know if any friend of mine was actively trying to ruin my relationship and future.

Please please tell her. She has the right to know, if you are a friend of the wife, a friend would tell her exactly what was going on.......

Wheelz46 · 10/02/2022 14:31

I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is openly pursuing a friends husband, she sounds a piece of work!

What I can't get around my head is "hey you" being seen as flirtatious, I must be naive, like seriously it's like saying, "hello you" or is that flirty too 😆 Good grief, if it is, I hope I haven't flirted with anyone by accident 😂

Mumof3confused · 10/02/2022 14:32

He’s playing with fire. How old are they?

SaySomethingMan · 10/02/2022 15:01

@notthatonethisone

Blush I have used hey you in highly inappropriate situations then...

But that aside she sounds awful. How is she in other aspects?

It's grim and shows such a lack of morals I'm not sure I could be her friend.

Same here! It doesn’t sound flirty at all to me. Oh dear.
PinkSyCo · 10/02/2022 15:09

He has gone for drinks with her. But each say it is because they are good friends.

If this is behind his wife’s back then it’s practically an affair as far as I’m concerned.

Graphista · 10/02/2022 15:12

I'd tell her to stop being such a treacherous dick and end the friendship!

Who the fuck does that?!

And I'd be telling the wife!

She’s been single for a long time and is very keen to find a husband and have children.

Then she does old etc like normal single people!

He has gone for drinks with her. But each say it is because they are good friends.

Aye right!

Has he told his wife all this?!

Give the wife the heads up here op. Messenger may get shot but better now hopefully BEFORE a full blown affair is at the heart of this than if an affair happens and it all blows up and it becomes known (as it likely would) that you knew all along

Troubleinpergatory · 10/02/2022 15:25

Tell the wife.

If something happens, and it will if your horrid friend gets her way, his wife will feel humiliated that people knew and saw it coming but said nothing.