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Original poster

“Hey you”

175 replies

FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 09:56

Can you help with a difference of opinion that I’m having with a friend?

She is single and fancies one of our married male friends (not my DH). She says she often starts her text messages to him as “Hey you”, invites him for drinks without his wife, and likes to hint about her sex life in front of him in a flirty way.

Obviously, it is the husband’s responsibility to stay faithful, but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

My friend thinks it is fine.

I’m interested to hear different opinions, as at the moment I’m a bit uncomfortable about continuing the friendship with her.

OP posts:
Phrowzunn · 10/02/2022 10:47

‘Hey you’ is definitely flirty - those saying it is innocuous have absolutely come across as inappropriate to someone in the past! I couldn’t be friends with someone like this. Marriage is (supposed to be!) sacred and should be respected by everyone in my opinion but definitely by close friends! What a bitch.

Babyvenusplant · 10/02/2022 10:49

What does the married guy do in response? Does he flirt back?

tootiredtospeak · 10/02/2022 10:50

What a cow I would bin her she might decide to do this to your partner one day.

Raindancer411 · 10/02/2022 10:54

That is not right, I would be distancing myself. Who are you more friendly with, her or the mans husband? If it comes to light, how hurt would the other party be to know you knew, and didn't tell them/try to stop her? (Not that I know it's your place but the hurt party wouldn't see that)

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 10/02/2022 10:57

Fucking bitch.

Knows exactly what she's doing.

Godawful friend.

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 10:59

Only the nastiest kind of women do this kind of thing. The kind who always get on better with men... Hmm And if they have an affair with a married man/man in a long-term-relationship, well they are not the ones in the wrong. THEY are not the one who made the vows.

THIS kind of woman is no friend to ANY woman.

overnightangel · 10/02/2022 11:02

The “hey you” is not innocuous

She’s a horrible person who I absolutely could not be friends with

There’s no grey area for me

Sally872 · 10/02/2022 11:10

Probably just luck she doesn't fancy your husband rather than any sort of decency. She wouldn't be my friend.

EmpressSuiko · 10/02/2022 11:12

Have you told the wife?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/02/2022 11:12

The “Hey you” sounds flirty to me. But it’s interesting to hear that you think it is innocuous

And the inviting for drinks and sex talk isn't? Why aren't you focusing on that?Confused

timeisnotaline · 10/02/2022 11:13

Go out with them both and talk about his wife nonstop. Then your ‘friend’ might do you a favour and dump you as a friend first, win win.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 10/02/2022 11:13

@overnightangel

The “hey you” is not innocuous

She’s a horrible person who I absolutely could not be friends with

There’s no grey area for me

Me neither
UghFletcher · 10/02/2022 11:13

She isn't a friend, she is a callous piece of work and knows exactly what she is doing.

Call her out on it.
Let her know she is a devious twat.
Tell your friend whose husband is being texted so she knows what a bell end this woman is as well.

EmpressSuiko · 10/02/2022 11:13

Do you know if the husband declines her invitations and ignores her behaviour?
Your friend is very naive to think her behaviour is appropriate and she is not someone I would want to associate with!

hellcatspangle · 10/02/2022 11:14

I would tell his wife. Who needs enemies when you have friends like her!

Inspectorslack · 10/02/2022 11:14

Yeah. I don’t understand why you’re focusing on the hey you?

MorrisZapp · 10/02/2022 11:18

That's an odd conversation to have with a friend. She tells you about her end of the flirting but you haven't mentioned his response? If he's married to her mate surely he shuts this right down?

catscatscatseverywhere · 10/02/2022 11:19

Any woman, who behaves like this, is dead to me. Just horrible.

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 11:20

I mean who cares what particular phrase she uses? She’s admitted to fancying a married man and is clearly going after him. She sounds pretty amoral although I’d not necessarily end the friendship with her over it.

irishfarmer · 10/02/2022 11:27

I don't think I could be friends with her. What does she say when you call her out on it? She is flirting with your other friends husband!! Which is completely unacceptable. Your friendship with the other friend will be destroyed if there is an affair and you knew.

ClariceQuiff · 10/02/2022 11:29

@Inspectorslack

Yeah. I don’t understand why you’re focusing on the hey you?
I'm glad it's not just me. Never heard of this being a specific declaration of flirtatious intent. I have a female work colleague who uses it with everyone she's on informal terms with, male and female - she's happily married and not at all the flirty type.
Original poster
FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 11:30

@hellcatspangle

I would tell his wife. Who needs enemies when you have friends like her!
I really appreciate everyone’s comments. I don’t think I can continue being friends with her.

But how on earth do I approach this with his wife?

OP posts:
goldfluffyclouds · 10/02/2022 11:32

I couldn't be friends with her... As someone else said - I'd rather have no friends than friends with these kind of morals.
I would also be finding a way of telling both the husband and the wife - ideally together that she has made it clear to you that she's happy to try and wreck the marriage. Then they both have the same clear information out in the open...

Shallysally · 10/02/2022 11:37

She’s not the man’s wife’s friend at all! Who would do that and have the nerve to socialise with them as a couple?

There is a view that as she is single she’s a free agent, but I don’t agree with that. She clearly had no moral compass and personally I’d drop her as a friend.

diddl · 10/02/2022 11:37

@HCHQ

Does the recipient of "hey you, fancy going for a drink" engage with the messages, or worse accept the invites?

Agree with the masses though, that this person is not "friend" material,

I wondered this.