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Original poster

“Hey you”

175 replies

FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 09:56

Can you help with a difference of opinion that I’m having with a friend?

She is single and fancies one of our married male friends (not my DH). She says she often starts her text messages to him as “Hey you”, invites him for drinks without his wife, and likes to hint about her sex life in front of him in a flirty way.

Obviously, it is the husband’s responsibility to stay faithful, but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

My friend thinks it is fine.

I’m interested to hear different opinions, as at the moment I’m a bit uncomfortable about continuing the friendship with her.

OP posts:
notthatonethisone · 10/02/2022 21:48

As much as I'm enjoying the 'hey you' side thread. It really isn't the issue.

The fact she's openly flirting with someone's husband. Urgh. Ditch her. She'll do it to you next.

I would speak to the mutual friend. She probably has suspicions already.

(The hey you is all about context. I've used hey you and then gone on to moan about yet another printer jam to our IT guy. I really wasn't flirting...)

Original poster
FriendProblem · 11/02/2022 00:09

@Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly

How does the bloke respond? I would be more likely to speak to him and tell him you know the friend is flirting with him but assume he's told his wife so save you from doing it. If he IS meeting her then I would definitely tell the wife. But hopefully he is trying to ignore the flirting......
Thanks for everyone’s comments. They have given me the bravery to speak to the husband first. He insists they are just friends and that his wife knows about them going for drinks. I’ve pointed out she is making him look, at best, like an old fool having his ego stroked, or at worst, like they are having an affair.
OP posts:
MsDogLady · 11/02/2022 00:18

Despicable behavior. She is pursuing this guy and it sounds like he is intrigued.

OP, please be a friend and tell his Wife. I would use @Pinkbonbon’s sample message on page 3.

MsDogLady · 11/02/2022 00:39

He insists they are just friends and that his wife knows about them going for drinks.

But his Wife doesn’t know that TraitorWoman fancies him and has an agenda.

ladydimitrescu · 11/02/2022 00:43

Well Joe Goldberg only ever used "Hey you" for one reason only - definitely not innocuous!

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/02/2022 02:11

"Hey You" indicates a special closeness, a coy little wink and smile that is private for them. If I message my male friends it will usually be "Pub?" or "You going to....(the quiz, poker, whatever)" or if we are really close "Alright wanker?"

If you have spoken to the husband and he is waving it off then I am not sure you can say anything to the wife. Because right now it is innocent in that they have (presumably) not slept together. So I would stay "friends" with the OW and find out as much as you can so that when it inevitably crosses the line, you have that to pass on to the wife.

Monty27 · 11/02/2022 02:31

Hey you is very familiar speak. Over familiar to say to a friend's husband.
She's a liability and wouldn't be in my circles. Dump her.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 11/02/2022 05:23

Ouch. These messages are harsh. I'm another 'hey you' user and yes I do use it for people I am particularly friendly with (male / female / relative and non-relative) inc my oldest male friends and cousins Confused
I definitely don't have any deeper intentions and am happily married.

The rest definitely sounds suspect though and obviously you have more evidence of deliberate flirtatious intent. Personally I think that counts more than the use of 'hey you'

Original poster
FriendProblem · 11/02/2022 06:46

@PyongyangKipperbang

"Hey You" indicates a special closeness, a coy little wink and smile that is private for them. If I message my male friends it will usually be "Pub?" or "You going to....(the quiz, poker, whatever)" or if we are really close "Alright wanker?"

If you have spoken to the husband and he is waving it off then I am not sure you can say anything to the wife. Because right now it is innocent in that they have (presumably) not slept together. So I would stay "friends" with the OW and find out as much as you can so that when it inevitably crosses the line, you have that to pass on to the wife.

I agree is sounds like a special closeness - and she insists they are very close friends but he says they are not.

I like “Alright wanker” Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
FriendProblem · 11/02/2022 09:45

@MsDogLady

Despicable behavior. She is pursuing this guy and it sounds like he is intrigued.

OP, please be a friend and tell his Wife. I would use @Pinkbonbon’s sample message on page 3.

I won’t have the chance to see his wife in person for a while, so I’m just working out the best way to approach it.
Yes, Pinkbonbon’s wording is good.
OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 11/02/2022 09:55

Yuck! She's being obviously flirty and he's going for drinks with her? I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't end up shagging her. I'd be a bit Shock if my DH went for drinks alone with one of my single friends.

howtoleaveit · 11/02/2022 09:59

She’s disgusting. She gets dropped and blocked out. Sure she wants a husband but why does she have to pick a friends? There are plenty of dating apps out there. She should put her energy into pursuing someone from those. If it was me I’d message “I’m not happy being friends with you. You are stalking our friends husband and it puts me off you. Why don’t you log into dating apps if you want a relationship? Just so you know I’ve spoken to him about this and I’ll be telling our friend what you are up to. Your behaviour is despicable and you will end up without friends if you carry on like this in life” then block her and message the wife and lay it on the line. I’d say
“Hi friend. I value your friendship and can no longer bear what’s happening. Our mutual friend has declared to me she intends on trying to have sex with your husband. I’ve spoken to him but he’s denying any wrong doing. Just to be clear, she has stated to me that she flirts with him and wants him. I thought it best that you know so you can put a stop to their relationship. I’ve now blocked her as a friend and will no longer be speaking to her. Their behaviour is disgusting in my eyes. I am always here for you and if you want to talk to me about this you know where I am” then send it and good for you for standing up for decency and honestly. I applaud you.

Shiteshow100 · 11/02/2022 09:59

Tbh I would want to be her friend. She lacks morals and loyalty.
I'd tell the friend myself so she can put a stop to it and know her husband is entertaining this wench, she is obviously just looking for attention.

Nutsabouttopic · 11/02/2022 10:47

That's not being insecure that's being a bitch. What does she expect to happen... that he will exchange flirty messages with her, they will then meet up, fall in love, he will leave his wife for her because they are destined to be together. No what will happen is he will tell his wife who will call her out on it and end the friendship or he will take up the offer wife finds out , marriage over and a mess all around particularly if there are children involved. Either way friendship group is over. Just because she wants a husband doesn't mean she can have someone else's. I hope for your sake she has some redeeming qualities

Original poster
FriendProblem · 11/02/2022 15:08

Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply. It has been very useful and eye-opening to hear some different opinions. I can’t see my friendship with her continuing.

OP posts:
Iwanttenofthose · 11/02/2022 15:12

You say she's friends with the wife too. Well, if she'll betray a "friend" by coming onto their husband then she'd betray you too. She's got a warped moral compass and I wouldn't want friends like that in my life.

Original poster
FriendProblem · 13/02/2022 14:09

Thanks to everyone’s comments here, I felt I needed to do the right thing and tell his wife. I messaged her to say I needed to talk, then spoke to her to say something along the lines that Pinkbonbon had written, and apologising if I was interfering.

She said someone else had already said something to her. She didn’t say too much, but said she and her husband had discussed it and he realised it wasn’t a good idea to speak to my friend anymore. She was remarkably calm about it, although she did refer to my friend as “desperate” and said that she would not be welcome at any social events with their group of friends.

I feel relieved that his wife knew already, but pleased that I spoke up. Thanks again to everyone who helped.

OP posts:
Sally872 · 13/02/2022 14:13

I think you did the right thing. Good that wife already aware. Not surprised she called her desperate and doesn't want to socialise with your friend.

maras2 · 13/02/2022 14:18

I too think that you did the right thing.
Couldn't have been easy so well done.

ThirdElephant · 13/02/2022 14:22

Well done, OP.

AllTheColoursOfGerberas · 13/02/2022 14:39

very keen to find a husband and have children

Someone else's Husband by the sound of it

I'd be ending the friendship, and telling the rest of your friends why

Mumof3confused · 13/02/2022 15:35

She’ll be so grateful that you did say something, it’s what a true friend would do. As for the other ‘lady’ I think your friendship circles are way better off without her in it.

babywalker2 · 13/02/2022 16:18

See, I absolutely hate the phrase, "hey you." My boss uses it on me but in a totally unflirty way. More like, "hey you, I've completely forgotten your name in the moment and I really hope you haven't come here to ask me for more stuff that I haven't bothered to do yet."

Buildingthefuture · 13/02/2022 16:27

She sounds hideous. Absolutely not someone to be friends with. And I cannot abide the whole “but she’s single, he’s married, he’s the only one who promised anything” bullshit. Yes, if he is buying into this shit, he’s a massive Twat, but she knows he is married AND she’s his wife’s “friend” ergo, she’s ALSO a massive Twat! No one comes out well in this scenario. Both entirely lacking in class. You did exactly the right thing telling his wife.

Original poster
FriendProblem · 16/02/2022 21:58

I’m supposed to be meeting my friend tomorrow. What do I say if she mentions the husband again?

OP posts:
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