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Original poster

“Hey you”

175 replies

FriendProblem · 10/02/2022 09:56

Can you help with a difference of opinion that I’m having with a friend?

She is single and fancies one of our married male friends (not my DH). She says she often starts her text messages to him as “Hey you”, invites him for drinks without his wife, and likes to hint about her sex life in front of him in a flirty way.

Obviously, it is the husband’s responsibility to stay faithful, but I feel this is inappropriate and disrespectful to the wife, who is also her friend.

My friend thinks it is fine.

I’m interested to hear different opinions, as at the moment I’m a bit uncomfortable about continuing the friendship with her.

OP posts:
hellcatspangle · 10/02/2022 16:00

How do you tell his wife? Well, firstly I'd bin off this "friend" then I'd just arrange to see his wife and say "I just want to give you the heads up that X is flirting with/texting your DH, I'd never forgive myself if anything happened and I hadn't told you". Job done.

IsItTooHotInHere · 10/02/2022 16:04

She sounds a bitch and I wouldn't be friends with someone like her

Myinsidevoice · 10/02/2022 16:29

She sounds terrible.
She’s openly flirting with him and I assume he knows it. Were they friends before he got with his wife or does he only know her through his wife? If it’s the later then it’s definitely weird he’s meeting her.
I’d speak to her and say you don’t condone her behaviour and will be telling your other friend. She clearly only thinks about herself and has no feelings towards the wife who is getting hurt.
My worry would be she would move onto another friends husband when she gets bored.

It will be a tough chat to the wife but if it was me I would rather be told than it all hidden behind my back.

user1481840227 · 10/02/2022 16:32

"Hey you" is definitely cutesy and trying to be endearing. It's like telling the person hey I love to talk to you/hear from you and it makes me smile.

The husband should have shut it down, he shouldn't be replying to messages from her and definitely shouldn't be going for drinks with her.

Does the wife know that he went for drinks with her?

If not then this is cheating, emotional at least.

I also think the fact she said all of this to you is because she feels like they have some kind of relationship going on.

User135644 · 10/02/2022 16:36

He has gone for drinks with her. But each say it is because they are good friends.

They're already banging each other anyway then.

Mananna · 10/02/2022 16:43

@Wheelz46

I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with someone who is openly pursuing a friends husband, she sounds a piece of work!

What I can't get around my head is "hey you" being seen as flirtatious, I must be naive, like seriously it's like saying, "hello you" or is that flirty too 😆 Good grief, if it is, I hope I haven't flirted with anyone by accident 😂

Yes, I would see "hello you" as flirty too (but context is everything of course). It's the "you" part. It's like saying we're so connected and familiar that I don't need to use your name, or singling the person out as someone special to you.

Certainly when I found my husband was messaging a woman and starting with "hey you", when he never addressed me like that, I knew something was off, and I was proved right.

MissMaple82 · 10/02/2022 17:02

She has no loyalties to his wife, she is a free person who can do and she pleases. A man can only have his head turned if he wants to turn it. I dont think her flirting is wrong unless she has a connection to the wife. Him however flirting back I do consider wrong as he should have loyalties and respect towards his wife.

Susu49 · 10/02/2022 17:05

I don't think there's a problem with 'hey you' generically speaking.

But as the rest of her behaviour is so out of order though, it's clearly delivered with the same intention.

Context is everything.

HoobleDooble · 10/02/2022 17:07

My friends and I make stupid suggestive comments to each others partners in front of each other (for example my bf's husband always warns me that he won't snog me if I eat pineapple when we're all out for a meal) but we definitely don't have exclusive text conversations unless it's about a surprise for her upcoming birthday or advice on a weird noise my washing machine is making. She's overstepping so many lines, I'm amazed your friend hasn't had words with her yet.

Mumof3confused · 10/02/2022 17:59

@MissMaple82

She has no loyalties to his wife, she is a free person who can do and she pleases. A man can only have his head turned if he wants to turn it. I dont think her flirting is wrong unless she has a connection to the wife. Him however flirting back I do consider wrong as he should have loyalties and respect towards his wife.
She’s friends with the wife.
HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 18:13

@MissMaple82

She has no loyalties to his wife, she is a free person who can do and she pleases. A man can only have his head turned if he wants to turn it. I dont think her flirting is wrong unless she has a connection to the wife. Him however flirting back I do consider wrong as he should have loyalties and respect towards his wife.
This is such a stinking, foul comment. 'Oh it's all right for a woman to throw herself at a married man because she has no loyalty to the wife....' Hmm

NO. It's NOT 'all right' at all. It's nasty and it's vile to make a deliberate play for a married man. And this kind of woman deserves all the nasty shit in the world to happen to her.

Funnily enough, every single woman I have known who throws herself at married men (and tries to incite an affair,) is terminally single. Men want to fuck women like that, but they NEVER want to marry them. Wink

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 18:13

That should be SOME men want to fuck women like that. Not all.

DiscoStusMoonboots · 10/02/2022 18:22

I had a friend like this.

Had.

KrakowDawn · 10/02/2022 18:33

Another one boggling at "Hey you" being flirtatious! I have female friends that use this to me regularly, they're definitely not flirting, and know DH etc Confused

That aside, she really isn't a nice person, is she?

Whatabambam · 10/02/2022 18:37

I suspect that they're already having an affair and this is her way of drip feeding you the information. I would sensitively tell the wife, however hard that might be, and tell this piece of shit to do one.

Graphista · 10/02/2022 18:49

Men want to fuck women like that, but they NEVER want to marry them.

I was gonna refute this...as my ex is now married to my ex friend of this type.

Then I remembered he dragged his heels on the divorce and told her it was me...because she was pregnant and wanted to get married and he absolutely didn't!

They did eventually but I genuinely don't believe he wanted to and I heard on very good authority some years ago that they are both miserable and feel trapped in the marriage each for different reasons. He cheats on her but won't leave her, she knows he cheats and it is making her miserable but she also won't leave...

Karmas a bitch eh?

peboh · 10/02/2022 18:53

I think you're focusing too much on the hey you messages as opposed to the fact that your friend is just a gigantic twat with zero loyalties or morals.

Skilovingmama · 10/02/2022 18:55

Men want to fuck women like that, but they NEVER want to marry them.

Not true. Our PM is married to one of them for one. She pursued him when he was still married. Countless men marry their mistress, although plenty of them then end up cheating again. But it’s just a myth that these women are the dirty sluts who are not ‘wife material’ and will all die alone.

Ceebeegee · 10/02/2022 18:59

Whenever I hear "hey you " I think of Rachel Green in friends who says a very flirty "hey you" in the one where Ross and Rachel yknow (iirc) . So I think some can associate with flirting.

HelloFrostyMorning · 10/02/2022 19:00

Well no man I have ever known has ever married one of these type of women.

WouldYouHaveAproblem · 10/02/2022 19:10

Of course it's inappropriate and disrespectful. And I agree that the "hey you" is quite familiar and intimate.

I would be distancing myself and I certainly wouldn't be turning my back as she clearly can't be trusted as a friend.

Onelifeonly · 10/02/2022 19:17

To me "hey you" isnt necessarily flirtatious but it does assume a certain level of intimacy or familiarity. I might say it to one of my DC, for example.

Your 'friend' sounds both sad and awful. I couldn't approve of someone behaving like that. Would probably just avoid rather than confront them, unless things became directly uncomfortable for me.

totallyoutnumbered · 10/02/2022 20:42

My good friend's cheating ex Husband messaged me and 7 other women in our circle "Hey you" to test the waters. Lord knows how many others that didn't come forward once she kicked his arse out when caught red handed....

Lena18lou · 10/02/2022 20:58

The hey you is not innocuous it's dripping with intention. What happens if he begins flirting back if guess with women like her it's about the chase. I'd also wonder what happens if she took a shine to my dh next. What a horrible person

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 10/02/2022 21:03

I've never addressed anyone "hey you" unless I am calling someone I don't know in order to tell them off. I once did it to a student who deliberately threw rubbish in the lift.

It's pathetic.