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Original poster

Should the guy always reach out first after sex?

162 replies

Fallingslowly26 · 09/02/2022 17:35

Have always expected the guy to be the one to make the first after having sex with them for the first time - whether by phone call or by text.

I have always been of the firm belief that if they don’t get in touch the next day that they’re just not that into you.

Is this an outdated mindset? Or is lack of contact after sex from the guy a strong indicator that he isn’t interested?

OP posts:
Blushingm · 09/02/2022 17:37

Outdated - if you enjoyed it and fancy doing it again get in touch with him

ShowOfHands · 09/02/2022 17:37

I'm a firm believer that we need to stop game playing. If you want to speak/text then do so.

MiddleParking · 09/02/2022 17:39

I wouldn’t get in touch with him first.

Lampan · 09/02/2022 17:43

Maybe he’ll think you’re not interested

DillonPanthersTexas · 09/02/2022 17:43

Stop with the games FFS. If you had a great time and want to see him again just bloody say so. The knots people tie themselves in over nonsense like this is amazing.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 09/02/2022 17:51

Maybe he thinks you’re not interested either

Chikapu · 09/02/2022 18:11

Yes it's an outdated mindset. Seems to be a weird thing to have a firm belief about as well, it really doesn't matter who calls first.

RedCandyApple · 09/02/2022 18:12

I don’t care if it’s outdated, I wouldn’t reach out first personally.

Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 09/02/2022 18:22

Surely not a great sign if I have had radio silence for two days though?

OP posts:
unicornsarereal72 · 09/02/2022 18:23

It's game playing. If it was good and you want to see them again you are as capable of saying so as the other person. You will either get a positive. Tepid or cool response and you can take it from there.

Simonjt · 09/02/2022 18:27

@Fallingslowly26

Surely not a great sign if I have had radio silence for two days though?
Why is it okay for you to ignore him, but not for him to ignore you?
BABAHOTEL · 09/02/2022 18:29

And o though the calendar said 2032 and it was established that women like sex and were equal to men!

EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 09/02/2022 18:32

It's casual sex. It's weird to be hung up formal "rules."

DillonPanthersTexas · 09/02/2022 18:33

I don’t care if it’s outdated, I wouldn’t reach out first personally.

Maybe the guy thinks the same. Mutually assured misery and missed opportunities.

OhMargaret · 09/02/2022 18:41

Nah, I'd take it as a bad sign if he hasn't got back to you in two days.

Let's face it, most men are far more interested in casual sex than women are and as a result they're far more likely to ghost.

It's the reason these 'games' exist in the first place. The power balance just isn't equal and there's no other way to gauge his true level of interest than letting him respond.

Bellyups · 09/02/2022 18:41

If he wants a repeat he would have made contact in 2 days, sorry. Even just a ‘how are you’ text.

RedCandyApple · 09/02/2022 18:42

I’ve yet to meet a man that hasn’t reached out first after sex and tbh no I don’t think men and women are equal when it comes to sex (preparing to be flamed 😂) but that’s my opinion.

2Gen · 09/02/2022 18:49

@Fallingslowly26

Surely not a great sign if I have had radio silence for two days though?
It isn't, you're right. He's had the ride and he's not bothered about seeing the woman again if he doesn't contact her soon afterwards or at the arranged time as we used to have to do before mobile phones. IF she suggests round 2 and he has nothing better to do, he might accept, but all he'll be in it for is a ride and no more! NEVER let a bloke think you're so mad about him or desperate that he doesn't have to make any effort! It's not fair and it's old-fashioned but they like to be the ones doing the chasing, that's their nature and nature isn't fair! Even if he does start "seeing " you, the power-balance will always be weighted in his favour and you'll either be the one who's dumped, cheated on or worst of all, abused. Never be naive enough to believe a man when he says that he likes a woman making first contacts; they'll say anything if they think it'll get them sex!! Take it from an old bird who's lived and learnt! Sorry!
BABAHOTEL · 09/02/2022 18:50

@RedCandyApple

I’ve yet to meet a man that hasn’t reached out first after sex and tbh no I don’t think men and women are equal when it comes to sex (preparing to be flamed 😂) but that’s my opinion.
You want pick and mix equality?
Palmfrond · 09/02/2022 18:59

@EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad

It's casual sex. It's weird to be hung up formal "rules."
OP didn’t specify casual, and tbh seems to have some kind of expectation (though I’m not assuming to what degree). I’m an old fart and have no idea how the younguns do things these days but two days no text/call after sex seems a bit rough. And yeah I’d expect the man to call, but I was old fashioned to begin with.
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 09/02/2022 18:59

@2Gen I feel like you’re right here. I’ve had it a few times where I’ve been the first to reach out and we see each other again, but it eventually turns out that they’re not really very interested. I end up wondering whether they’d have ever reached out if I hadn’t

OP posts:
Original poster
Fallingslowly26 · 09/02/2022 19:01

@Palmfrond ‘Casual’ wasn’t really my intention here as we’d been on a few dates and everything seemed to be going well . We’d discussed what we were looking for and I made it clear I was open to finding a relationship etc

OP posts:
Thoosa · 09/02/2022 19:02

I have no idea what you’re talking about. So maybe it’s outdated, or maybe it’s just you. Grin

lomoloko · 09/02/2022 19:03

If he's interested in my (limited!) experience he will arrange to see you again while you're right there, before you leave.

Sonaftersonafterson · 09/02/2022 19:06

Oh blah blah

Firm fact. If a man really likes you and the sex was of his liking too, he will NOT go quiet on you.

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