Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

456 replies

PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 11:14

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

OP posts:
BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 15:43

If it's a prank it's in very bad taste.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/02/2022 15:49

Chocolate penises and extra-small condoms are a prank. HIV test kits aren't.

I once came home from a business trip (where I stayed in hotels etc.) with a bag full of condoms. Totally legitimate reason, which I told DH about immediately. He didn't have to go through my bag.

ethelredonagoodday · 09/02/2022 15:50

That response, in light of what everyone has said about it being HIV testing week, would set my mind racing. Because if it was just that they were giving them out at work, surely he'd just say that??

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 09/02/2022 15:58

@PocketRocket81

So he’s come home, I’ve asked him about it and he said ‘it’s for a prank for one of the guys at work’. My gut tells me he’s lying.

I’ve asked to see his phone and he said no and walked out.

Grown men I know don't pull pranks like that. The fact that he's previously has a ONS and insisted on a test as well as the fact he works away and has become distant are all red flags for me.

I would be doing some investigating if I were you OP. I wouldn't let him catch on that you're suspicious either because he'll try hard to cover up any evidence and I suspect he already is since you've asked to see his phone and he's stormed out. Can you access his phone at all? Perhaps when he's sleeping?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 09/02/2022 15:58

A prank about HIV?

Well he's either a complete wanker (to be planning this sort of prank) or a liar.

Neither is attractive.

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 15:59

Doesn't look great does it.

GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 09/02/2022 16:01

This is not a prank and you know it. In my experience, give him a chance to clam his head and realise no sane intelligent adult would believe it's a prank. Then give him one chance to be honest on the understanding if he lies there is no chance of coming back from this.

Littleheart5 · 09/02/2022 16:07

I feel for you OP. That’s really tough but I think your gut is right x

Soremama · 09/02/2022 16:10

I’m sorry OP, I genuinely want to give you a huge hug! If I was you I’d be taking that test and immediately doing it on myself for my own safety, then ask him to leave because a either he’s a crap practical joker or he’s a terrible liar (I suspect both in this scenario). Once again, I’m so sorry and please get tested ASAP x

ouch321 · 09/02/2022 16:14

He's lying.
He is lying.
It's simply that.

I agree to go get tested. Especially since he already cheated on you.

Sorry, it sucks

ilovemybeachhut · 09/02/2022 16:18

some people give such implausible answers and become defensive it's unbelievable. He knows you know and that's why he's walked out.
No great loss unless he comes clean and you both want to work things out between you.

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 16:23

Exh thought that giving the most outrageous answers somehow made them more believable. Pfft.

OP what's next?

Mamamovingnorth · 09/02/2022 16:25

I’m very sorry you’re going through this OP.

Go get yourself tested. HIV is manageable now and knowing one way or the other will be a relief.

3luckystars · 09/02/2022 16:26

Lies.

I’m so sorry.

HollowTalk · 09/02/2022 16:28

You must feel really wound up with stress.

I know it's not what you want to do, but can you access emails on a shared device?

HollowTalk · 09/02/2022 16:29

Or do you share bank accounts? I'd be really on the hunt for anything suspicious.

tara66 · 09/02/2022 16:31

HIV tests used to be quite common.

Cheekypeach · 09/02/2022 16:32

I don’t believe the prank excuse. What would the prank be? ‘Have this because you obviously have HIV LOLZ’ Hmm

It’s not even funny by manchild standards.

I think he’s been using sex workers. I wouldn’t have asked to see his phone, he will have deleted anything incriminating by now.

crochetmonkey74 · 09/02/2022 16:34

I'm so sorry OP he is lying

thenewduchessoflapland · 09/02/2022 16:36

@PocketRocket81

Sending you a virtual hug 🫂

It's not looking great is it?;he's been withdrawn,works away,has form for cheating,doesn't work in an industry where he'd be exposed to the risk of HIV and doesn't work for any one particular employer.

You need to get yourself teste for HIV and other possible STD's ASAP.

Fluffycloudland77 · 09/02/2022 16:38

I think he’s just given you his answer.

cdba88 · 09/02/2022 16:39

I'm really sorry op, it doesn't sound good.

What do you want to do next?

FantasticFebruary · 09/02/2022 16:40

@PocketRocket81

So he’s come home, I’ve asked him about it and he said ‘it’s for a prank for one of the guys at work’. My gut tells me he’s lying.

I’ve asked to see his phone and he said no and walked out.

Was he pissy because you went into his bag?

I suppose it could be a 'prank', it doesn't sound completely impossible.

With his phone, would he normally 'let you have a look at it' or woukd he normally react like this?

He does sound like he's up to no good, but OTOH, I sometimes have random shit in my work bag & although I have nothing to hide, I'd hate my DH to be nosing about in it & ask about some random shit & although I wouldn't usually care if he used my phone, I'd be pissy if he wanted to 'look at it' so I'd probably say no & remove myself from the situation.

However I didn't cheat on him previously & if I had I'd understand why he was a bit suspicious.

You know those ducks, get them in a row. Sorry, it could be innocent, but with his history & having been a bit off, it doesn't look good

Staryflight445 · 09/02/2022 16:51

I don’t see how this could be innocent op. He’s being incredibly disrespectful too not letting you see his phone. Clearly has something to hide. Anyone innocent after his history would be trying to make you see that they’ve done nothing wrong. He isn’t even trying.

Get yourself tested op as soon as you can.

Weekendssuck · 09/02/2022 16:56

Prick. So obvious he’s lying.