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Original poster

Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

456 replies

PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 11:14

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

OP posts:
SamphiretheStickerist · 09/02/2022 19:06

@Nocutenamesleft

My friend work all got sent home with kits. Due to it being HIV week I think?

Might be that. They’re in computer services.

Did you read what he said to OP when he asked?

There is a blue link See All at the bottom of all of any OPs posts. It's really handy to scroll through only what an OP has said, catch up on developments before posting.

Original poster
PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 19:07

He’s home.
Silent treatment. I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him.
He’s since said it’s for a health anxiety that he’s embarrassed about and ‘why should he give me his phone’ and zonked off to the bath.
I’m sat here unsure what to believe and actually can’t believe I’ve let him get in the bath tbh.

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 09/02/2022 19:10

@PocketRocket81

He’s home. Silent treatment. I’ve pushed for answers and shouted and screamed at him. He’s since said it’s for a health anxiety that he’s embarrassed about and ‘why should he give me his phone’ and zonked off to the bath. I’m sat here unsure what to believe and actually can’t believe I’ve let him get in the bath tbh.
God I hate it when men are so pathetic like this. You've been caught- at least have the bollocks to admit it not shout and get angry and make the person feel like they are going mad
Geppili · 09/02/2022 19:11

He is lying.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 09/02/2022 19:13

A health anxiety. Yet didn’t sit you down to talk about it even though it might affect you?

Embarrassed? What has he to be embarrassed about other than possibly drawing attention to something he shouldn’t have done.

He’s an arse.

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 19:13

Deep breath @PocketRocket81 I know you're freaking out but the calmer you can keep the clearer you can think. I KNOW it's hard to do when you're in the thick of it and lord knows hindsight is 20:20!

He's still being too cagey. If it's for a health anxiety then I'd agree with a pp who said the ONS may have had a scare and been in touch urging him to get tested. It seems plausible, and I guess he wouldn't want you to know she'd been in touch.

I'm trying to keep my comments balanced, pocket, because it's easy to get carried away on here with posters whipping you into a frenzy because they're pissed off for you.

You need full disclosure so you can decide what YOU want to do next. He doesn't get to decide from here on in.

NeverChange · 09/02/2022 19:13

The kit itself isn't the issue and given the week that's in it, there could have been a simple explanation.

His reaction, however, speaks volumes. It could be anything from cheating, prostitutes, gay sex etc.

I would be telling him you need to discuss is in order to move forward in any way. Seeing his phone now is neither here nor there as he'll have wiped anything incriminating so I would take the focus off that and has why he is so angry at being asked about it. If you go in with accusations, he'll switch off. Be calm and pretend you are just trying to understand what's bothering him. Once you get him talking, he'll trip himself up.

Allpenguinsarepingus · 09/02/2022 19:16

It’s pretty likely he’s lying OP but it’s ok to drop this for tonight and pick it up again when you’ve both had a chance to calm down.
In a fews days you could ask, for example, if you need to do a test too. (You should anyway, whatever his answer his).
Think about what you’d like to happen now if he has been having an affair.

oakleaffy · 09/02/2022 19:17

HIV meds have come on in leaps and bounds.
There are now after exposure drugs that can really help.
( Was told this by Gay friend)

There could be any reasons for having an HIV test.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/02/2022 19:17

I haven't read the whole thread yet but whatever you choose to do get tested for everything!

KeepingAnOpenMind · 09/02/2022 19:19

Isn’t it something to do with the jab?

fenellastripe · 09/02/2022 19:22

When they change their story that's usually a sign they're lying. It might take a while before you get to the truth.

oakleaffy · 09/02/2022 19:22

@PocketRocket81
Since seeing your later updates, it looks likely he's been cheating.
A fair number of so say straight men have sex with Gay men.
He should tell the truth.
Buying a test kit as a prank sounds ver unrealistic.

Elle8344 · 09/02/2022 19:25

I had a similar experience with my ex. Knew something was off. Went through his phone when he was asleep & discovered all sorts. He was on various hook up sites...including a gay one. It almost broke me.
The fact that I felt the need to check his phone said it all really.
Please try to stay strong & don't be taken in by his bs. I'm so sorry.. I really feel for you 😟 x

SamphiretheStickerist · 09/02/2022 19:25

When he gets out ask him why his health anxiety gets a kick out of causing you a health anxiety?

All he has to do is speak to you. What he is doing now is ending your relationship. Is his health anxiety so bad he would choose to lose you rather than talk about it?

This could be why he has been odd for the last few weeks. But how the hell are you supposed to know unless he talks to you? And why now? And all those other questions...

WeyAyeMan · 09/02/2022 19:26

I bet he's took his phone to the bath with him

HaveringWavering · 09/02/2022 19:28

Nice. It’s now your health anxiety too, isn’t it? Ask him why he didn’t get one for you.

BuddhaForMary · 09/02/2022 19:29

HIV now infects more heterosexual men than gay men.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/feb/09/hiv-infects-heterosexual-gay-bisexual-men-uk-testing-virus

PeachyPeachTrees · 09/02/2022 19:29

Sorry, but this doesn't sound good. Secrets, lies and avoiding talking. Sad

floatinginmyhomie · 09/02/2022 19:32

He’s lying, I’m so sorry OP. If it was innocent he wouldn’t be acting that way.

WTF475878237NC · 09/02/2022 19:33

Well you've had your answer. An honest man would say I'm sorry, after what I did before this must be so unsettling...here's my phone.

Jellykat · 09/02/2022 19:34

Bullshit i reckon OP
Health anxiety over a dodgy looking mole or lower back pain, yes....
over HIV that involves a second person (or shared needle) nope, sorry i'm not buying it.

mindutopia · 09/02/2022 19:36

OP, do you know the brand of the test? I might be able to tell you where it came from, given the information. There are some tests that are sent out via NHS services, but others that you would buy privately online (including some that can be done entirely at home, like a COVID lateral flow test). The non-NHS ones can be quite pricey, so very likely to not be the sort of thing one would buy as a prank (and it's a weird prank anyway!). The NHS ones he would have had to probably do a phone triage at least to get, so also a bit of an odd length to go to for a prank.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 09/02/2022 19:40

I'm sorry to say this, but if he's telling you it was "health anxiety" surely he's either recognised it's an unfounded anxiety (and therefore he wouldn't need a testing kit, so is lying) or, if he loved you AND had health anxiety, he'd be beside himself with terror that he'd passed it on to you.
So this doesn't fly for me because the internal logic doesn't hold up.

Original poster
PocketRocket81 · 09/02/2022 19:42

@mindutopia Terrence Higgins Trust?

OP posts:
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