Found HIV testing kit in hubby’s bag!

[PocketRocket81]

Ok, so DH has been a little withdrawn for several weeks. Not sure what came over me but decided to have a nose through his work hold-all. I’ve come across an unopened HIV kit. What the hell is going on? How do I approach him when he’s home later today?

@BitOutOfPractice what gives you any inkling to his industry?

MN deleted that comment and rightly so. This thread is going exactly the way I figured it would.

@HIVpos

Risk-per-exposure:
Vaginal sex: 0.04%. Insertive anal: 0.11%. Receptive anal: 1.38%. 1 in 2380 on the low end to 1 in 72 for receptive anal.

By far the most common way that women get HIV is from a man.

Ouch!

He has a reason for having the test.
What has spooked him? He knows something or he has recently learned something which has spooked him.

Op, get yourself tested. You are probably fine but will be reassured. In your place I would get rid of the man, there is no point in taking chances. Good luck.

He’s an engineer. Contractor. Working away. I’m guessing oil / gas. And I speak from personal experience.

What has happened @PocketRocket81? Has he left and not come home?

@BitOutOfPractice

He’s an engineer. Contractor. Working away. I’m guessing oil / gas. And I speak from personal experience.

Yeah and he was drugged and forced to have sex. 🙄

[quote Yeahthat]@HIVpos

Risk-per-exposure:
Vaginal sex: 0.04%. Insertive anal: 0.11%. Receptive anal: 1.38%. 1 in 2380 on the low end to 1 in 72 for receptive anal.

By far the most common way that women get HIV is from a man.[/quote]
Regardless of risk factors of different exposures, with the OP finding an HIV test it shouldn’t be automatically assumed that her husband had sex with a man. Doing so perpetuates the myth that it’s a ‘gay disease’

Awareness is being raised more and more that, as mentioned, given the right conditions, anyone is at risk, just some are more aware than others.

@BitOutOfPractice hello! long time no see round the Archers threads! Nobody BOOPS on those any more.

@HIVpos

The only person who's used the phrase "gay disease" is yourself.

We've been discussing the OP's particular situation, and my personal view is that her partner is panicking because he's engaged in high risk activities (which I'd define using risk-per-exposure).

The only person propagating a myth is yourself - attempting to tell people that all sexual acts carry equal risk. They don't.

The OP’s particular situation is her husband has an HIV test. My point is that anyone, given the right conditions, is at risk regardless of risk per exposure.

Assuming that it’s automatically due to gay sex just because the risk per exposure is higher, and that if a guy gets an HIV test he must be having gay sex, as you are doing, is perpetuating the myth.

I feel we’re going round in circles and not helpful so best we don’t engage further. I have no issue if you’d like the final word.

@HIVpos I'm with you. The most common way to catch a disease isn't always the way that 100% of people catching it.

It may be less likely to catch it from male/female PIV sex but it can happen.

It's crazy for others to think that the statistically more likely option applies to most cases.

People who drive at 100mph are more likely to have a car accident than those driving at 30 mph - however, that doesn't stop people who drive at 30mph from having car accidents. Their risk isn't lowered by the fact there is a riskier options.

The majority of people with lung cancer are (ex) smokers. Yet not everyone with lung cancer is an (ex) smoker

@HIVpos

I didn't say he must be having gay sex. I said that I believe he's panicking because he's engaged in an activity which has a particularly high risk. My instinct is that it's likely to be that or sex workers (around 13 times more likely to be infected with HIV).

Nowhere did I say that it's only through those activities that it's spread.

@bongobingo43

To use your analogy, plenty of people drive their car at 30 mph in a built up area with little worry; they realise that the risk is relatively low. Very few people would drive at 100 mph in the same scenario, and if they did would realise they'd know that they were at far greater risk.

@bongobingo43 * To use your analogy, plenty of people drive their car at 30 mph in a built up area with little worry; they realise that the risk is relatively low. Very few people would drive at 100 mph in the same scenario, and if they did would realise they'd know that they were at far greater risk.*

This is exactly my point....those who drive at 30mph do so at a lower risk. But there is still a risk. Just because there is a higher risk option., it doesn't make a lower risk option "zero risk"

[quote HaveringWavering]@BitOutOfPractice hello! long time no see round the Archers threads! Nobody BOOPS on those any more.[/quote]
Hello! I’ve been away a looooong time BOOPing in real life!

@ChickenStripper sorry I don’t understand that comment.

@bongobingo43

You're quoting something - "zero risk" -
which no one said. Brilliant argument against a point which I didn't make.

I've compared risk levels, and someone's perceived level of risk.

I hope you are OK OP x

@RedFlagsAllOver

Some tinfoil had idiots the other day were saying if you have had a covid jab you test positive for hiv.

From "Nature" journal:

Australian COVID vaccine trial abandoned after HIV ‘false positives’ www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03570-0

Perhaps rather than debating statistics it might help to get back to the purpose of the thread. Who cares how or who he might have had sex with - gay, bisexual, straight, prostitute or enthusiastic amateur. Obviously the husband thought he was at risk from some encounter with somebody other than his wife - surely as an engineer he can think about risk factors. Would anybody buy an HIV test kit as a work prank? I can't see workmates finding it very funny.

OP I understand you must feel incredibly frustrated and concerned. The simple facts are that he has an HIV test in his work bag that he never told you about which he now inconsistently explains as both a work prank and for his health anxiety. He has previously cheated on you, he works away for long periods and he wouldn't let you look at his phone. If there was anything he could have done to reassure you a decent person would have said it and allowed you to look at his phone. The chances are that there is nothing much he can say other than admitting he took a risk.

On these facts, I think anybody would have been concerned and who could blame you for yelling when he is lying and stonewalling. I would likely have done much worse. I don't think you are going to get the truth out of him.

Can you make arrangements to get tested yourself asap for your own peace of mind.

I’m sorry for causing such a huge debate on here 😔
He has come back in an emotional state saying he has a health anxiety due to trauma suffered many years ago with splattered blood.

He feels his health anxiety kicked off in his teens when both his uncle and grandma were diagnosed with terminal cancer in the same year (he has always been a bit ott with bumps and lumps and things so this does add up)

He has said he has been tested many times for hiv because of this and I’ve got nothing to worry about. He can see how it looks but he’s hugely embarrassed about his anxiety. I don’t know what to do or think .

Ask him to hand over his phone right now then. His reaction will tell you if he's lying.

He'll probably let you look through his phone willingly now he's had a full night to check there's nothing incriminating

If you are in a committed relationship and he's not cheating why has he been tested many times for HIV?

1. He doesn't trust you. But then he wouldn't have sex with you for fear of catching HIV.
2. He doesn't trust the test result but then he wouldn't have sex with you for fear of infecting you.
3. He's lying.