Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@InABetterPlaceNow

MrT Update. Apparently taking a leap of faith pays off. Last night I revisited the boyfriend label and he looked at me like I was a bit of a weirdo and said that I've essentially been misinterpreting what he's been telling me previously - that he's not fussed about labels as he doesn't see the need, that he's just been referring to me as "the girl he's been seeing for the last few months" which is good enough for him but he has no issue if I want to refer to him as my boyfriend in conversations 😅 In his eyes we've been "there" for ages 🤷‍♀️

A very much more serious ILY was shared. I adore this man and he has helped me in so many more ways than he even realises and is just such a lovely addition to my life. I feel so, so blessed. And absolutely excited about making lots of memories with him!

🥰🥰🥰 really pleased for you!

InABetterPlaceNow
Good 😊

@InaBetterPlaceNow That's a fantastic update, delighted for you

@InABetterPlaceNow really lovely update there

@30somethingandstillsingle I personally wouldn't confront someone but I would definitely be stepping back and bit and not giving him such a thoughtful gift as planned. Try and be cool but observe how he behaves from now. Last minute cancellations don't work well in my book but you sound like you like him a lot so just protect your heart and let him make a decent effort now.

30something he may actually be ill. I think you're right to wait and see what happens and be awake to any future flakiness but not throw your toys out of the pram the first time he cancels something. Give him a chance to prove he's worth your trust but don't tolerate any red flags.

inabetter totally living up to your username! Such a lovely lovely update from you 😊

Seeing as I'm not back on the apps yet (but just watched Tinder Swindler!) I can share my non- dating exploits with y'all. Went out with my friend who lives in my street (and met her lovely BF OLD), to the house of mutual friends, and a group of us (including another friend who met her lovely BF OLD) sat round the fire pit listening to music and drinking their home made scrumpy. Which was delicious. So was the Prosecco after the scrumpy. All was well (I shared my Mr Favourite Place story) until I got up to leave and realised the whole world was spinning. Got cab back with neighbour, who walked me to my front door. Which I couldn't unlock because my ex, who I'm currently having to share my house with, had not taken the key out on the inside. That's just how the lock is. So we walked back to my friend's so I could sleep on the sofa. Put my glasses on the floor and went to sleep. Woke up at 6, ex had messaged that I could get in now, looked for my glasses, which her mental pug had mistaken for a toy and chewed up and ripped apart. So I couldn't see. And couldn't find my keys to go home. Didn't want to wake my friend at 6 so waited an hour with the pug wanting to play and me wanting to curl up on the sofa and not vomit. At 7 I knocked on her door and woke her and BF up. They didn't know where my keys were. I walked home anyway, and they were in the door where I'd left them. Took until 10.30 until I felt well enough to dig out my old glasses (which are fine) and book an appointment to get new glasses.

The moral of the story is stop at the scrumpy. Don't add the Prosecco. Stand up once in a while to check for spinning. And never put your valuables on the floor in a room where a mental dog lives. And don't share a house with your ex. Basically, trust no-one.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Lovely lovely update @InABetterPlaceNow
Steady on @MrsBerthaRochester, agree with pp's @30somethingandstillsingle note it but perhaps don't throw toys out of pram. Hope the cake was delicious?!
Lol @WeWantTheFinestWines it sounds like a fun then slightly traumatic evening, but you've written it so well 😂 hope the head isn't too sore today!

Haha sounded like an absolutely excellent night @WeWantTheFinestWines!! 😆😆 I never knew pugs liked to eat pairs of glasses 🤣🤣🤣 you learn something new every day!!

WeWantTheFinestWines
😂🙈

Alcohol ! The devils curse
I’ve been hungover all day and grumpy and lost a sunny day
Also my iron hates hangovers and I feel he was judging me for being in bed all afternoon

Two
Glasses
Max

@WeWantTheFinestWines haha your story was so funny! Trust no one especially a pug!

I'm catching up...@30somethingandstillsingle I would be on the watch for any nonsense after this sickie he's thrown. Also wouldn't call him out on this occasion...if he is ill, he's missed his birthday celebrations with you anyway so then to have to justify would be quite rough!
Dreaded V-day tomorrow. I'm actually not bothered as my 11yo DD will make it fun. She has demanded spaghetti and meatballs which she plans to eat Lady and the Tramp-style with the dog, her 'date'. 😆

Two date zeroes this week, one match with a very tall football coach that I'm trying not to get too excited about! One coffee with MrTattoo, ex-iron turned friend. Was on the phone with him for 2 hours last night and he actually makes me very confused at times about our feelings for each other. So that's one to think about. And then one lunch date with the cursed MrTeacher. Where I will be analysing his every word and action to figure out why I am so attracted to him and how to switch it off!
Half term used to be about having fun with my children but this week it appears they're all too busy with plans elsewhere...men it is then!

@MizK whyeeeeeeee Mr Teacher? Wasn't he the one who criticised your home? Bozo I feel!

I'm calling it now, you will end up with Mr Tattoo.

I'm celebrating Valentines with an M&S meal for ME watching Squid Games

I’m still ironless couple of basic chats that seem to be going nowhere decided I needed a break from it and just some fun so did some fabbing yesterday and got chatting to a guy who seemed down for some last minute drinks and what not who then spent all evening stringing me along as to what time he could meet went quiet for several hours before texting me at 2am telling me to come to his flat to which he obviously got told to fuck off but whyyyyy why dating is hard enough do they really have to ruin casual sex too.

I really hate men right now and I hate feeling so jaded but every experience seems to be the same atm and it’s exhausting

That sounds pretty depressing, I’m sort. Maybe you need a complete break for a bit? When the fun stops, stop? 💐

*sorry

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

Sorry to hear that - I agree apps are often generally total shite for ones mental health/faith in humanity etc? I'm sure other threadies would agree.

(that said, they're often the "only game in town" for meeting new people in my dating demographic so what can you do?).

If it's any help, I'm trying to get over my app-phobia by having very low investment/expectations and higher early boundaries?

So I deleted the apps yesterday and was happy to have "no dates confirmed" (previously I'd have pushed for the date zeroes even if something was a bit off initially?).

Plus I was just totally ruthless about early screening - like if anyone was showing signs of "not being interested in meeting/me thinking I wasn't going to be attracted to them/having to make too much effort for a simple drink or coffee" I just detached/unmatched.

It's still exhausting but I think trying to see them with a "light touch" rather than trying to force the meets/contacts does help a bit? So you get people who are also enthusiastic about meeting.

There was a couple contacts who looked good in profiles, I was having good chats with, which tailed off, and previously I'd have thought I needed to "check in" with them and "make the effort" before deleting my profile.

But now I just thought "they could have contacted me" and disappeared?

Hi all, it's been a while since I posted here but I've been meaning to check in for a while so here I am :)

I think the last time I posted was about 6 months ago, and I'd just started dating Miss Saigon. Sadly that ended earlier this morning. I honestly can't say what was wrong - we had a lot in common, were really well matched physically and always enjoyed each others company. I just didn't feel as strongly for her as I should have, and as much as I hate to admit it, I was entertaining the idea of finding someone else and was really flattered when someone gave me their number on a night out last week.

Deep down I think I know it wasn't right, but it's still hard - I do miss her, and am pretty upset today. But I need to do the right thing and let her go to find someone who is able to give her what she wants.

I've never ended it with anyone before, and it was far too easy to just let things continue - but as hard as it is, I'm hoping this is for the best.

The last 6 months have been pretty full on outside of that as well - I started a new job in the summer that has been pretty stressful, I ended up in hospital for a week a few months ago with a life-threatening condition that could easily have killed me, but fortunately I'm OK now. And one of my parents was very ill with Covid just before Christmas and it was touch and go for a while.

I don't really feel like going back on the apps for the time being, but at some point I'm sure I'll be re-activating my accounts although I'm less and less optimistic I'll find someone, and also questioning my own ability to be in a healthy relationship. It seems I am that unavailable guy that causes lots of anguish, and I don't know how to change that :(

I'm nothing if not consistent so I still have zero irons 🙄

Hmmmmm
Me and iron had an open chat Friday
Turns out he’s got loads of issues and problems !
Don’t we all sigh
I know every Man my age has issues
Just it’s gone from hot sex to
Problems and an awkward conversation

Learning curve !

Yeah my issue is that I’ve took more breaks than not over the past few years. Was only on the apps for a few months last year then took a 6 month break and been back on 6 weeks 😩

That’s my issue as well I work from home, have 2 kids, don’t have a tonne of friends and most of them aren’t single so I’m not out and about meeting people regularly, so apps seem to be my only option.

Im definitely a lot better than I was at screening/boundaries etc than I was pre pandemic I’ve gotten comfortable being alone with lockdowns etc and I’ve stopped taking things personally, know how people treat me is on them not me but I agree it can be pretty disparaging when you’re putting yourself out there. I just want to have a conversation/date someone long enough to actually like them, I can’t remember the last time I actually fancied someone you know?

ihavetogoshoppingnow

What app are you on ? I’m
On hinge and I was brutally but
Humorously honest and I’ve had some nice contacts
That said I’m more looking forward casual , fun but nice guys generally - compared to tinder which I found a bit grim

I’ve got tinder, hinge and bumble and I agree tinder is abit grim but also seems the most popular. I love the concept of hinge with the prompts and that but it doesn’t seem very busy and I’ve not had any decent matches yet

Hi cat! I would say that it's nice to see you back - but it isn't, of course, because it means that a promising thing didn't work out. I'd like to thank you, though, on behalf of the countless women and men who have been strung along in a just-not-right relationship by someone who was too cowardly to call it a day until someone else came along who was better for them. Sounds like you've handled the situation honestly and respectfully. A dating break may be the best thing for now - you're back amongst your people again 😆

I've been a bit sneaky to see if it makes a difference. I've paid to upgrade Bumble and in doing thar I can change my location. I've moaned a lot about me living in the arse end of nowhere so now I'm 'in a city'.

I will say upfront...but it puts me in front of people for a change, not just the handful of spuds round here.

It's more of a test, if it's no better I can happily conclude that I am the problem..not my location.