Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Jeez, 12 hrs pw, what with her job, horse, daughter and dog not sure where miss Horse would find any time for me !

Of blimey I’m catastrophizing all ready, how crap is that.

Chill ! She’s already made time for you
Breathe !

Horses can be a lot of upkeep, my sister kept hers the way a pp did, always out, shared the chores, probably only had to be there once or twice a week.

I'd be horrified if someone groped my arse on a walk. But hey, if you like it.....

I always give my phone number before meeting because if there's any issue with the app or data signal and that's your only way to contact them, and you get held up, lost etc..... I'd rather be able to text.

Once you tell people it's not for you, one most just leave you alone. Any that get difficult you can unmatch on the app and block on your phone.

MrWG did not turn up to the party (coward, he had told people he was going). I got loads of compliments on my dress, mainly because it showed my boobs. I stabbed myself in the leg trying to apply tit tape .....don't ask! That then bled all into my pale fishnet tights, so that was a pain.

I've had a restful hungover day today.

I'm back on the apps even though I haven't got a new job. Still hunting and hoping as the market is picking up in the events world.
We will be back to normal staffing levels in a week so hopefully the overtime will drop apart from with 1 client who I will have to have an out of hours meeting with once a week.
A little life update is that I'm getting a puppy in April so I'm striving for a better work life balance and maybe socialising the puppy will lead to some nice encounters

Good luck @Dancerinthemoonlight ❤️

VanGoghsDog
Are you glad he wasn’t there in the end or disappointed ?
Anyway restful hangover is better than deep crashing hanxiety !

Nothing positive to report here. Terrible date zero at the weekend. He was clearly not interested and made it very clear. Complete with pat on the back as a goodbye at the end of the evening. I unmatched and deleted. The horror was complete when I sent a colleague a text on the way home, basically letting him know that I was interested :(. That's going to make for a very uncomfortable atmosphere at work :(.

Try not to stress @Daydreamscometrue you could be like me and done a lot more than texting someone at work 🙊🤣🤣 style it out pretend it never happened. If you don’t remember it it doesn’t count 🤣🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated

VanGoghsDog Are you glad he wasn’t there in the end or disappointed ? Anyway restful hangover is better than deep crashing hanxiety !

Yes, on balance, but it would have been better had I known he wasn't coming. I assumed he had been invited (he's part of a group that would all have been invited) and that was confirmed early on. Then independently two people told me he was coming, so I was kind of on alert, eyeing the door all evening etc. Probably why I drank too much to be honest.

@VanGoghsDog, did you unblock his number at any point as you said you might ? Disregard this as the worst advice in the world as it may well be but could you send him a message bringing some degree of closure, saying that because your paths may cross it would be a good idea to draw a line under the romantic element of your friendship ? I can't remember the last message you sent him and we don't know what he was going to say to you in his last text as he was blocked. Or would you rather let this fade now? Obviously NC is advised but when someone is part of your wider social circle then it's going to be difficult to avoid a repeat of Saturday's anticipation and subsequent feelings.

VanGoghsDog
Yeah , I get that . Trust me the hangover would have been worse if he’d attended
Mofo

[quote Stepcount]@VanGoghsDog, did you unblock his number at any point as you said you might ? Disregard this as the worst advice in the world as it may well be but could you send him a message bringing some degree of closure, saying that because your paths may cross it would be a good idea to draw a line under the romantic element of your friendship ? I can't remember the last message you sent him and we don't know what he was going to say to you in his last text as he was blocked. Or would you rather let this fade now? Obviously NC is advised but when someone is part of your wider social circle then it's going to be difficult to avoid a repeat of Saturday's anticipation and subsequent feelings.[/quote]
I unblocked him back mid Jan I think, and didn't use it. He therefore didn't know.

I had a key of his so early Feb I was near where he lives so popped it in an envelope with his name on and texted "I'm near yours so will drop your key in" (note that I am aware he lives in a flat with a communal letterbox). Two and a half hours later he replied "can you put it in an envelope as I'm away currently". I mean - duh!

I didn't bother to reply, I'd already done it about two hours before. Did he think I was going to sit in my car until I heard from him? I only texted in case he saw me. (Also note he has not thanked me or confirmed he'd got it!)

Anyway, he knows he's unblocked because that message would have shown as sent (he has his blue ticks off).

I don't know re closure - remember he is Terribly Busy and Very Important doing Very Worthy Things, so he'd be extremely unlikely to find time and it would just annoy me more.
Like just not turning up Sat, how rude!

He sounds a bit weird and cowardly and weak and got no backbone @VanGoghsDog. Some men are just like that hey.

@ButterflyOfShay

He sounds a bit weird and cowardly and weak and got no backbone *@VanGoghsDog*. Some men are just like that hey.

He was probably Too Busy. That all he ever says, he's Really Busy.

Okay @VanGoghsDog, I retract my suggestion to contact him. He's clearly had ample opportunity to reach out in a courteous, mature way and acknowledge that things didn't pan out as hoped between you ... but no hard feelings etc. Now I just feel irritated on your behalf by his rudeness. Nobody is too busy to find 5 mins to check in - or out - with someone. I'm usually one of the more benefit of the doubt kind of posters on here but this would flick a switch for me. Hopefully he's out of your system and when someone worthy of your time and attention comes along Mr WG will become a distant memory.

Morning all
Vangogh if there was a pill to take to make us forget the useless ghosters …. I’d take it and join their marketing team

I’m having a therapy assessment later today
Finally !

I still can’t believe Baltic Balkan has totally ghosted me
But from copious research I can see that hot sex doesn’t equate an emotional bond
My bad !
I’d say the fact he didn’t ask me on dates after we had sex , texted me when horny, and sank into deep depressions , and was hated by his crazy ex should have been a giveaway he was a bad egg

@Thisisworsethananticpated perhaps having a ‘crazy ex’ should always be a red flag - if they really are ‘crazy’ (doubtful!) were they crazy to begin with or did putting up with their partner’s shit make them that way?!

Stayingstrongish
Very true
So on the one hand I do have a crazy ex , so I’m open to their existence

And on the other hand I did notice that both the ones I was really into had deeply acrimonious relationship with exes

Right now I don’t know but certainly some of what Baltic said freaked me

Speaking of exes… a question about mine… he wants me to meet him for lunch on his birthday (it’s a big birthday). He has said a number of nasty things to me since he left but now says he wants to be friends. I’m leaning toward telling him ‘thanks but no thanks’ and saying I only want to discuss arrangements for the kids from now on, not do social things. Curious about whether any of you would go for a lunch with an ex who had said highly hurtful things? He always tries to imply I’m over sensitive.

@Stayingstrongish

Speaking of exes… a question about mine… he wants me to meet him for lunch on his birthday (it’s a big birthday). He has said a number of nasty things to me since he left but now says he wants to be friends. I’m leaning toward telling him ‘thanks but no thanks’ and saying I only want to discuss arrangements for the kids from now on, not do social things. Curious about whether any of you would go for a lunch with an ex who had said highly hurtful things? He always tries to imply I’m over sensitive.

@Stayingstrongish don't do it. You're worth more than that. X

@Thisisworsethananticpated hot sex is such a pull to someone you know is so toxic though isn't it!!
I have a ground zero date on Thursday. I am excited about this one.

Stayingstrongish
No , life is too short
I’d decline amicably and with an assassin smile 😊

Boiledcabbages

Yes and it’s the first time I’ve had really hot sex since I split with ex so it turned my head a bit
Ok a lot
Blew
My
Tiny
Mind

Another Thing to get used to
Having hot sex with morally ambiguous men
🧘‍♀️

And good Luck Thursday !

All this ghosting and negative vibes from OLD is something that I’m learning to live with. The last few months (new to OLD) have been depressing, although there have been a few highlights! Try to keep them in mind and learn from the experience.

@ Stayingstrongish No, no, no. Personally I communicate with exh about childcare only. I’ve moved on but will never forget how horrible he was to me and would never be ‘friends’. You don’t need someone like that in your life.