Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@DdraigGoch that’s really nice that she wants to hang out with you platonically. At least you have made a potential friend.

So tempting!!!!!

Some bad dating advice ... and it may not be what you think! I loved this and hope it's useful for anyone else here too

@BelladiMamma That is so interesting. Really got me thinking. Dating is a complete minefield, especially online but adding all the mind-games into it, makes it so much more complex than it needs to be.
I can see a big difference in how I 'date' now than when I first started. I was so terrified of being used that I was keeping people at a distance, disregarding anyone who didn't get in contact in my timeframe (, reading so much into if they did or didn't text, second guessing what they wanted etc. I realised I (subconsciously) was putting all of these conditions onto this person and writing them off in a way I would never do with a friend.
It's so much more straightforward now when dating is simply just meeting a new person, giving and expecting respect. I feel I am way more myself and am learning to be open about how I'm feeling and seeing things and open to seeing things from another perspective too etc. It's so freeing!

It’s that delicate balance between being natural and yourself (which I 💯 agree with )
And also not letting my lust and infatuation mean I accept shit

I’m fed up of this
Wish I could turn my libido off

So have arranged meet-up 2 with someone who will from now be referred to as Miss Horse,
Walk in a country park with her dog, does that sound a bit boring and middle age ?
As I’m middle aged…

And it’s amateur hour with one of the developers at work today

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow, not boring or middle aged at all. It’ll give you an opportunity to chat, there’ll be the dog to talk about or the surroundings etc. The only thing I found on walking dates was that they were rarely in any way ‘romantic’ and for a couple of them it was a bit like chatting to a random person whilst in the park… yes I know! 😂 I think if the chemistry is there it doesn’t usually matter where or what the date is… within reason haha 😆 if this goes well the next natural step would be an evening date. Is this carvery lady ?

Yes this the carvery lady, she likes her food ( which is good,can stick fussy eaters), I did think about naming her Miss Carvery, but seemed a big mean.

What is going on with typos today?

After MrMind giving me the 'he likes me too much, but he's a bit lost and still grieving etc' I got back on the apps and have had 3 date zeros this week. 2 were ok, the 3rd was so boring. I struggled as I just compared them all to MrM.
I hadn't messaged MrM, been keeping myself busy etc. Then late last night he messages. Says he misses me and wants to know I'm ok. I replied and we had a brief general conversation which he has now carried on today.
Meh. I don't think he is meaning to mess with my head but it is. I don't think he knows what he wants. Reading between the lines I think he wants my company, I probably make him feel good. But I think he's right that he's not ready.
My head says to stop replying, but another part of me wants any contact I can have

Going to call it quits with Mr Red, had a third date that was ok, had a shag that was good but I feel like he is not in to me enough and that just makes me feel so low after seeing him. After our last date he didn’t text to tell me that he was back home or that he had had a good time. I am going back on the apps at the weekend, wish me luck

@Knutface
Good luck 👍🏼

HowlongWillThisTakeNow
Miss carvery has legs ! Enjoy

30somethingandstillsingle
What a week ! Gosh
3 date zeros after a split must have been quite a lot to process
I got some really good advice this week on the thread , and I’m to tired to say much other than - - look after yourself please x

Knutface
Best to walk now
The minute you stop
Smiling
Also the faster you end it the faster your recover x

@Thisisworsethananticpated. Thanks, you are right. Next time he contacts me I will end it. It’s the same old story for me, getting told ‘you’re pretty’, ‘so good in bed’ etc but the reality is they never make an effort to contact me and check in so their actions say they don’t actually give a shit. The last bloke before red ghosted me. Don’t know where I’m going wrong, just want someone that’s really in to me. I’m not massively fussy, want someone that is a nice person, that I fancy, is good at sex and that really, really likes me. Why is this too much to ask?!

Don’t know where I’m going wrong, just want someone that’s really in to me. I’m not massively fussy, want someone that is a nice person, that I fancy, is good at sex and that really, really likes me. Why is this too much to ask?!

I think this sums up what most people are looking for really.
How would you describe “good at sex”, just asking for a friend 😶😶

Not that I’m an expert but I always think that this means not afraid to try things but most importantly lots of touching, kissing and oral, not just diving straight in there. I’m not that hard to please lol!

@Thisisworsethananticpated

30somethingandstillsingle What a week ! Gosh 3 date zeros after a split must have been quite a lot to process I got some really good advice this week on the thread , and I’m to tired to say much other than - - look after yourself please x

I don't think I help myself. I say date zeros but two of them were socials from fab. I thought I would just get myself out there and planned the old cliché of getting under someone to get over someone else

Finally have a not miserable update from me! Managed to meet mr sparky for a quick coffee after work/before he went out for a friends birthday and it went well! Text seems to have transferred well into real life and he looks better than his pictures which I was hoping would be the case as they weren’t the best 😅 he picked me up which I wouldn’t normally have for a first meet (got him to wait down the road so he didn’t have my actual address) but my car was written off and I’m still waiting on a new one so didn’t have much other option meant we had a decent steamy snog in the car after though and we’re meeting again tomorrow. His work schedule does seem abit crazy so I’m hoping between that and my schedule with DC at their dads we will be actually able to see each other enough but I’m feeling positive so far. But also trying not to over invest too much too soon as I have a tendency to do that

Also definitely not going to sit here and stare at my phone hoping he does actually text me again 👀

30somethingandstillsingle
Yes I’ve done that , the under to get over
It helps
To a degree
And it messes the head !!
But you went in hard there hey

Well done for sacking it off @Knutface as it’s not enough for you not hearing anything. I’d feel the same. Just thoughtless isn’t it. Not good enough! Hope someone nicer crops up on the apps!
@Thisisworsethananticpated hope youre feeling a bit brighter? 💛

ButterflyOfShay
I got really pissed last night and fell over
My knees and elbows are cut
I was alone 🙈

So we can safely say some off app and off booze time Is needed

But I’m calmer and less miserable about Baltic
I really deserve better

And that includes not berating myself too hard either x