Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated if its any consolation, I know loads of people who do the same ie go a bit nuts when they meet someone. I think @SortingItOut has a point about a bit of counselling to help. I would also avoid having sex till you feel more comfortable with them.

I really really really don’t want counselling
True reason is I can’t bear to dredge up the past and my ex
But having now had two crazy obsessive episodes , and my friends are also saying same , maybe that’s a more useful focus than dating
As dating isn’t making me very happy

@Thisisworsethananticpated Counselling is tough but so worth it.
I spent my first 5 sessions sobbing my way through them, admitting things that went on and my feelings was so hard but actually to be a better person I needed to do this.
I'm still having weekly sessions and I started in September (missed a month over Xmas/new year). I've learnt so much about myself.

@Thisisworsethananticpated I wouldn't mind counselling as I've seen so many people really find it useful. The fact that you are scared to dredge things up means it might be useful. Personally I would book a few sessions and the smallest thing might change your thoughts in such a positive way.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I really really really don’t want counselling True reason is I can’t bear to dredge up the past and my ex But having now had two crazy obsessive episodes , and my friends are also saying same , maybe that’s a more useful focus than dating As dating isn’t making me very happy

Another one here who found counselling incredibly helpful and freeing. Those obsessive feelings, and the need to mask your immediate problems in chasing the ‘hit’ of hot sex and attention, are not sustainable and actually quite damaging. You sound lovely, and you have so much to offer, but with everything going on I think you have to be ruthless about looking after you. At this point that means tending properly to your mental and emotional health.

So I’m meant to have a date tonight, been chatting with mr sparky for nearly a week however he’s got stuck on a (seemingly legitimate) job issue, I’ve suggested rearranging twice but he’s adamant he’ll get here so we shall see

@eesha if you haven't attempted therapy, I'd highly recommend

@BelladiMamma I've had a couple of sessions when I split from my children's dad. I would not be averse to it however I don't feel there's anything pressing which will make me try and fit it into my day at present.

Just been catching up, what a rollercoaster some of you have been on!
@Eesha I have also gained a stone from somewhere, it won't bloody shift. Let me know if you try anything that works/want a buddy. I also really related to what you said about feeling like things were waning, I've had similar thoughts. It ties in to what @Stepcount was saying about Mr V not being so emotionally open/flirtatious- Mr D isn't either- and I miss that excitement/buzz/flirting of the early days. (thrilled you had a good heart to heart with Mr V btw Step).
Also what @Thisisworsethananticpated said about not knowing what is a red flag/sign of incompatibility versus what's my fucked upness. Answers on a postcard!

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma I've had a couple of sessions when I split from my children's dad. I would not be averse to it however I don't feel there's anything pressing which will make me try and fit it into my day at present.[/quote]
I hear you, but you'd be surprised how much mental space it can free up (once you get over the initial hump of unburdening yourself to someone and all that entails ...)

Anyone struggling with the way online dating is making them feel… this is the exact reason I stopped it all 5 months ago now. It left me feeling completely shitty exactly how you are. Hugs to anyone feeling that way. I must say I am feeling do much better and waaaaay higher self worth and self esteem since I cut all that shyte out. we are Queens, and deserve to be treated as such 😄❤️

If you thought back to before online dating existed. You wouldn’t ever really have this culture of meeting someone then that going pears then you instantly go back on, find someone else, rinse and repeat. No wonder everyone’s mental health is being put by the wringer through it. It’d not normal and is so damaging.

THROUGH the wringer BY it sorry.

@VanGoghsDog hope you have a lovely time at the party if you go x Sod MrWG x

Badbaddog
You are like a therapy dating guru
Really thanks
You again have nailed it
Thanks for saying it so succinctly

ButterflyOfShay
Nah I managed to get pretty messed up even without OLD
It’s an art form I’ve perfected clearly

ihavetogoshoppingnow

Keep
Us posted !

@ButterflyOfShay

Anyone struggling with the way online dating is making them feel… this is the exact reason I stopped it all 5 months ago now. It left me feeling completely shitty exactly how you are. Hugs to anyone feeling that way. I must say I am feeling do much better and waaaaay higher self worth and self esteem since I cut all that shyte out. we are Queens, and deserve to be treated as such 😄❤️

Only a Queen as the weekends…

He is unfortunately still in work, he does seem genuine though, and I know how it can be with trades can’t leave till the jobs done. Rearranged for Saturday so fingers crossed

Well a potential iron who had been messaging rather sporadically anyway (so I didn't hold out much hope) has messaged to say that she's decided to make a go of it with someone else. I must say, it's actually nice to be messaged to say that, rather than just going quiet and vanishing - leaving me forever wondering. There are seemingly not many who do bother messaging to actually end embryonic online encounters.

She did offer to meet up to do some hiking on a platonic basis, which I've agreed to do. I've got nothing to lose by giving a friendship a go, at least we'd have some fun, and you never know if circumstances might change.

I had a date a few years ago who offered similar (we'd met up for a first date but she wasn't attracted). That time I said that I wasn't really interested in anything short of romance so we parted ways. I have often regretted that and wondered how things would have turned out differently. So this time, I'll give it a go, with no expectations or preconceptions. If you expect nothing, the results can only improve on your expectation.

The other thing about counseling, as well as its actual therapeutic value, is that simply by doing it you are intrinsically telling yourself that you and your health are important.

You are investing in you.

Must admit that I wouldn’t date someone that didn’t give oral sex or use their hands, especially if they couldn’t get hard! But I guess that’s not a priority for some and it’s not something that you can put on the OLD profile
😂

That would definitely cause a stir on the profile!

@VanGoghsDog

The other thing about counseling, as well as its actual therapeutic value, is that simply by doing it you are intrinsically telling yourself that you and your health are important.

You are investing in you.

Couldn't agree more. It's one of the very few things "for me" that I juggle finances like crazy to maintain.

JangolinaPitt
I dare you !!!! You can always edit it back after a week