Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ButterflyOfShay

That’s a shame *@HowlongWillThisTakeNow* sounds like she enjoyed herself though, maybe worth another try perhaps a nice walk somewhere if she’s a bit outdoorsy?

Thanks, When we left the restaurant it was still really windy and she took my arm we walked back to our cars in the wind, she said she had to let’s her dog out and do her mum’s shopping, thanked me for lunch, gave me a peck on the cheek, hopped in her car and shot off, and I thought that was that, didn’t hear from her yesterday, went to bed early last night as was shattered, Anyhow, got a message from her this morning saying how much she enjoyed Sunday and would like to see me again.. Think I’ll propose a walk, get to bring her dog along, I like dogs.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow Did you not message her after the date? Even if it was just to say Thank you.

@SortingItOut
Yes, I messaged her Sunday afternoon, to but didn’t get a reply until last night

Sorry haven’t been posting much lately - have been catching up with the thread on and off.

Mr B told me he thinks he might be falling in love recently. I was surprised but happy. I need to work out my feelings, but also there is no rush, he hasn’t put any pressure on me to say the same back. I’m not even sure what love is anymore, but I do know I’m very fond of him, enjoy being with him, and want to treat him well. Whatever happens, even if things don’t work out long term, I’m glad we met and had this time together.

@ButterflyOfShay I've just pmd you back, sorry I never get notified of pm's when I'm on my phone :-)

I'm still here and still reading and rooting for everyone 💖

That’s a really lovely way of looking at it @Stayingstrongish, you sound very calm and happy

Thank you @ButterflyOfShay, @SortingItOut*,*@Thisisworsethananticpated and @Eesha for your lovely comments and supportive thoughts. The day has run away from me a bit and I was halfway through a long post when my computer decided to freeze and needed to restart so that was lost.
My brain is a little frazzled. I have had 2 long chats with my best female and best male friend today and chunks of each conversation were about Mr V. Male friend thinks that this may well be who Mr V is, as suggested by this is worse , that essentially Mr V isn't keeping anything back but rather he's showing that WYSIWYG. Female friend, who has actually met Mr V thinks that I am being a bit unfair or over optimistic expecting Mr V to be my everything and that I should work on being happy and fulfilled with other aspects of my life so a RS with him is extra to and not the sum total of my life. I am a little beyond being able to succinctly sum up why this is a challenge to me suffice to say that I am clearly someone who enjoys being in a RS and so to distract myself with other things isn't necessarily going to take away or ease the feeling of incompleteness - you don't buy a washing machine when your TV breaks down.
I also categorically know that the lack of sex/intimacy is very difficult for me. I need the endorphin boost. I loved dressing up for Mr Cocky and quite a few others, afternoon sex, morning sex, flirtation. I probably used to get that rush in other ways as my background is theatre and acting. Life has become increasingly mundane and I somehow need to inject some excitement back into it....

@Stepcount
Apologies if I have missed something, but I assume mr v is seeing a urologist about ED issues? Am I right to think he is isn’t taking an ED medication atm, is he not “helping” you either?

@Stepcount The majority of people like being in a relationship but it shouldn't be the be all.
I often bleat on about a man enhancing your life and not being your life and I know that's hard for some people.

I think the intimacy issues are one of the main problems as your previous posts didn't mention this as an issue except to say privacy was sometimes an issue. I think you'd be feeling less like this if you were still having foreplay etc which I know Mr V didn't want to do.

In regard to endorphins, we all love a good endorphin rush however we get it.
If you have a theatrical background do you have an amateur dramatics group near you?
In my nearest towns we have quite a few, their performances are amazing and tickets sell out very quickly. They have loads of members but always want more.
Would this type of thing help channel some of your need for endorphin rushes?

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow, Mr V had a scan at the hospital at the weekend. This was originally requested in May last year as a response to Mr V getting abdominal discomfort and indigestion. At some point he also told them of his lack of libido and inability to maintain an erection. A combination of the NHS/pandemic backlog and a touch of male pride meant that it's only just happened. The line from Mr V is that they want to rule out anything sinister and once that's happened he is anticipating being offered something like Viagra to see if that does the trick. Our intimacy is confined to kissing and cuddling, occasional massages. I've explained that there are other ways to be intimate but in his words he doesn't want to start something he can't finish. I'm not sure sex is really his thing. I have said all of this to him countless times and without a hint of aggression or frustration he assures me he does want me, wants sex and is hoping that very soon now things will change. I clearly have deep feelings for him and I am of an age where sex is still hugely important but I also know that I want more than that with someone. If I only wanted sex I could get it elsewhere.

@SortingItOut, thank you, yes I was doing amateur dramatics before the pandemic kicked in. I need to find a new group as the last was predominantly populated by older people. My friend and I were discussing this this afternoon. It can take me a bit of time to summon up the confidence/inclination to get my arse in gear. Ironically I can be rather shy in new situations so I tend not to bother.

@Stepcount I think Mr V is being quite selfish and perhaps sex isn't really his thing. I've had a couple of partners where they had ED but you find ways of having pleasure in other ways. I agree with your friend, he's showing you who he is so it's either like it or lump it he's saying. I would find the selfishness more of a turn off.

@Eesha, this may well be what forces the end of the relationship. I don’t think I’m blinkered to his actions but of course I am emotionally invested in him whereas anyone outside of the situation will see things with more objectivity. It doesn’t come across as selfishness. To me it comes across as a mix of pride and laziness- maybe that is selfish behaviour? I don’t find it a turn off but it does hurt and frustrate me that that is how he behaves. This won’t go on forever. We are reaching a potential make or break phase. He will get the results of his tests. He will be prescribed something that will either work or won’t and when his sister moves in he assures me that he will be here more and freer/more financially able to do things with me. So far though the funny, good looking, easy going ,kind side of the list outweighs the rest, just about!

Must admit that I wouldn’t date someone that didn’t give oral sex or use their hands, especially if they couldn’t get hard! But I guess that’s not a priority for some and it’s not something that you can put on the OLD profile

My 3rd date with Mr Red is edging nearer and I’ve found that once a date is arranged he doesn’t text until that day. This is putting me off to be honest, it will be 6 days without a text, not sure I can handle the lack of communication, I want someone attentive!

I need to catch up on the thread but figured it was time for a MrT update.

He came to meet my kids on Friday evening. Went ridiculously well. The plan had been for me to then stay at his on Sat night with eldest babysitting for me but she was hit with a tummy bug. So he ended up staying through till Sunday. Which I know goes against all guidance. However he just kind of slotted in while the usual stuff happening and then the kids went back to bed and we stayed up watching films until 5:30 then it was already Sunday? 🙈

The two younger ones have given him two massive thumbs up. Eldest likes him but as the "current man (she's a girl) of the house if he makes you cry I'll make him cry twice as bad".

Next step is Friday when I'm due to meet his DD 😳

I'm currently joining with him about "if Carlsberg made boyfriends"... but it's true. We'll see what happens but I wouldn't be surprised if this one ends up being a lifer. We'll all deal with it if not but... I just feel safe and loved with this one. Seen and accepted. And he's funny and sexy as heck. A little too good to be true though I see his flaws.

I'll almost be glad when the honeymoon period is over because little things just keep hitting me in the feels.

It will be a small wedding. You can all send hats 😂

@Knutface one thing I’ve learnt about men is you just have to be really direct. Say exactly what you want. When you meet up you could say that you’d like more communication in between dates. See how that goes, if he likes you he will.

[quote Bangheadhere40]@ButterflyOfShay I've just pmd you back, sorry I never get notified of pm's when I'm on my phone :-)[/quote]
👍👍 x

@Stepcount
That sounds tough, I’ve never suffered from ED, but have had drops in libido (as most people probably do), when going through redundancy etc, but AFIK anything with Sildenafil in will help with ED , but only if the man is aroused, but you don’t need a prescription for those, but you do for the others.
Good luck, hopefully it works out for you

The last time I had sex, the dreaded DE struck, I had to stop after 30 minutes as I knew I couldn’t finish ( I had brought her to climax 1st), made me felt like a failure, make we worry about any further relationships

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow the situation you describe wouldn’t bother me at all if I had already orgasmed once (or twice!). Don’t feel like a failure. If a woman likes you she’ll enjoy being close with you and appreciate that you tried. You could reassure her that you enjoyed it anyway.

Thanks @Badbaddog, I’m generally quite a calm person and am enjoying being with someone who is also calm and easy going 😊

[quote HowlongWillThisTakeNow]@Stepcount
That sounds tough, I’ve never suffered from ED, but have had drops in libido (as most people probably do), when going through redundancy etc, but AFIK anything with Sildenafil in will help with ED , but only if the man is aroused, but you don’t need a prescription for those, but you do for the others.
Good luck, hopefully it works out for you

The last time I had sex, the dreaded DE struck, I had to stop after 30 minutes as I knew I couldn’t finish ( I had brought her to climax 1st), made me felt like a failure, make we worry about any further relationships[/quote]
As I've mentioned before, MrT has DE to the point I've never made him finish. It's taken quite a lot of grown up conversation and reassurance to be OK with it but it's fine for me now. A lot was driven by me - "if we only have 10 minutes should I still go for it knowing I won't even come close?" (Answer, yes please). "Are you still having fun?" (Answer, hell yes).

We talk about it outside of the bedroom, and it's worked for us so far. I WILL get him there one day (probably when he's off the meds that are causing it) but it's no longer an end goal for me and certainly doesn't put me off anything in that respect. It's been an eye opener that guys can enjoy the journey (it's always been drummed into me that the end goal is needed) and that's been a good thing for me! Maybe you can teach other ladies the same?

I’ve just split again with Baltic iron

I tried to say that he talks about his ex alot and it makes me feel not very special

He got in a huff and said I’m not ready for dating someone with problems

Like I don’t have my own problems
I feel really sad

I liked him
And I liked the sex
But , he has issues
And seems to think his problems are bigger than mine

Awww I’m sorry @Thisisworsethananticpated, it always stings even if it’s the right thing 💐

Sorry to hear that @Thisisworsethananticpated. It’s never easy splitting up. Sounds like he’s just not in the right place for a relationship.