Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I've benefitted greatly from this thread, it was a good source of advice (especially with Computer Geek). Now I know my worth and know what I deserve. I'm happy plodding along as I am, if someone comes along who enhances my life then I'll take it. For now I'll just enjoy the 'view' in the gym until I can actually talk to the guy. I have him on Facebook but feel randomly messaging him might seem weird after all these years.

If Mr Cricket is doing the slow fade then it's his loss as he has lost a good friend. I mean so have I but his behaviour towards me since that night has left me reassessing the man I thought he was. I actually said to a friend his guilt will ruin everything, us, his relationship and himself. But I deserve more respect from a friend than to he constantly brushed off and made to question my place in his life. My friend has done everything he can to make sure I'm not on my own in Ibiza, that is what friends do and why he's my bestest (childish word) friend. Not make you question whether you're bothering them.

I mean there is a chance he could be super busy, stressed, preoccupied, split from the girlfriend who knows as he won't talk to me. But one message in 12 days, which had as much feeling in it as Putin's face, doesn't give me much hope that he isn't slowly fading. I thought out of my foray into OLD that I had actually met a decent man who was going to stick around even as a friend. Shame sex got involved. We can't change what happened but we can learn from it.

Oh well he could be my pilot on my flights as both holidays are booked with his company and from the airport he is based at. That would make for an interesting flight🤣.

I agree with about the 'new' thread and will post once I'm on a break from my really interesting travel workshop (no sarcasm here for a change). Yes part of my job is travel you really couldn't make it up and I was put forward for a working group to define our new sustainable travel policy.

Isitreallyme0077
I hope the slow fade means creating space for someone who will make you happy
As you seem lovely (god we all do )

I’ve totally realised I throw myself into old to escape from my sons mental health problems

With mixed results

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you, I agree we are all lovely and deserve to be happy. I hope it isn't the slow fade and he is is just preoccupied as he reads my messages straight away unless he's in the air (and it stays as one tick for a couple of hours then he reads straight away once it's delivered). I don't have time at the moment for dating( but if I can strike up a convo with the guy in the gym who knows), work has picked up, life has picked up so it is perfectly possible he is going through the same thing and once he comes back to the UK he might have more time. I'm exhausted but happy and loved my day yesterday where I spent most of it binge watching the Apprentice. First time in weeks I've been able to do that.

I just had the "it's not me it's you" chat from MrMind.
It may well be true, he has a lot going on. I just wish I had listened to my gut.

I was totally over invested and I'm a bit gutted

Back to the apps it is.

@30somethingandstillsingle

I just had the "it's not me it's you" chat from MrMind. It may well be true, he has a lot going on. I just wish I had listened to my gut.

I was totally over invested and I'm a bit gutted

Back to the apps it is.

" it's not you it's me" is what I meant to write

30somethingandstillsingle

Hugs . These things happen and they totally suck too
I believed that each one tree aches us something
But right now you probably feel crappy as hell
More hugs

Hey @Isitreallyme0077 that sounds anazing about the travel side of your work. I think you should message the gym guy!! You already know each other! You could just be like ‘hey saw you in the gym the other day how you been keeping long time no see!’
Or other such innocence 😬😬

@30somethingandstillsingle thats really crappy x

@ButterflyOfShay I'm hoping that I might get to travel at some point as me have International campus' that I deal with so that would be amazing. As for the gym guy, I seem to see him every Tuesday so he might be there tomorrow. I'll have to work out what to say to him before I message.

@30somethingandstillsingle, sorry to read your update. I think your instinct over his birthday etc must have been accurate. At least he hasn’t dragged it out. It’s never easy, particularly when you feel a little over invested. He wasn’t your next big thing but the right person is definitely out there.

Thank you for the grads thread @BelladiMamma, I will pop over and join.
@MayEye, a lovely update. I’m so pleased that Mr L has brought such wonderful things into your life.
@SortingItOut, your update from the weekend about meeting more of Mr K’s friends was also so good to read. As Shay said maybe something to screenshot and remind yourself of when those wobbles creep in.
Mr V had his scan so he’s waiting on the results. He was due to come to another family party with me but has found himself to be double booked with an engagement party for a close friend. We can’t go to either together ( and miss the other) so although I am disappointed I also accept there’s no way round. I’m still rather tearful at times so it may genuinely be time to look at HRT. I get a bit triggered by ‘waiting’ for the things that he claims will change but I have no option but to see if they do. 🤔

I don't feel like I've graduated or otherwise. I've always had good boundaries and a keen eye for a red flag. I enjoy the sharing of experiences and different viewpoints on this thread and hope to return to posting more meaningfully when I get back on the horse. I hope some of you will still be around then. It seems like the other thread will be more of an "in a relationship/loved up" space so I'll have no business there! 😅

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I don't feel like I've graduated or otherwise. I've always had good boundaries and a keen eye for a red flag. I enjoy the sharing of experiences and different viewpoints on this thread and hope to return to posting more meaningfully when I get back on the horse. I hope some of you will still be around then. It seems like the other thread will be more of an "in a relationship/loved up" space so I'll have no business there! 😅

get back on the horse.

I had a lunch / date with someone today, the only conversation she had was about her horse and how her ex would never bring her somewhere as “nice”, as this was only a carvery , jeez 😒 , don’t think I’ll bother any more , horse or not.

Oooooh first date @HowlongWillThisTakeNow?

@Stepcount really hope MrVs scan yields positive results. It must be really frustrating feeling the way you do about things with him 😓

Sounds like a really really boring date 😆

@ButterflyOfShay
Yes, was with someone I kinda already knew a bit IRL, so we went for Sunday Lunch, oh well, roast was nice, shame about the company

Aww, thank you @ButterflyOfShay, I am hoping that he gets some reassurance that there is nothing sinister happening and after that he can be prescribed something so that his ED can be treated. I’m really trying to hold tight as I have become somewhat of a nag. I keep bringing up the same things with him, lack of intimacy, lack of flirtation and not enough quality time spent together. My own life is a bit empty and I am becoming frustrated with him about it. I suppose after 2+ years together I am expecting and hoping for more than we currently have. The lack of intimacy is sapping my reserves and the longer it goes on the more it’s making me feel sad and a bit unconnected to him. And yet I crave his company and attention. I fear we are going to potentially split if things don’t pick up. I need to improve the quality of my life for my own sake and not look to him to make me feel fulfilled. But equally I know that I want the real deal with someone and after this length of time with him I would expect to be further advanced in the relationship than we are. I really truly like him a lot and I don’t want things to end but I also don’t want to carry on feeling like this. Difficult to know sometimes how much is menopause related, how much is lack of excitement and activity in my life and how much is truly the relationship struggling.

@Stepcount it’s not unreasonable of you to want and need intimacy with him though. It is normal and healthy to want that! Don’t be giving yourself a hard time or calling yourself a nag, there is certainly an empty feeling when there are those kind of issues in a relationship, I was there myself in my last one, it’s not nice and really damages your self esteem

That’s a shame @HowlongWillThisTakeNow sounds like she enjoyed herself though, maybe worth another try perhaps a nice walk somewhere if she’s a bit outdoorsy?

I'll be staying on here and posting on the new grad thread. Thanks bella for setting it up.

@30somethingandstillsingle Sorry to hear your instincts were correct.

@Stepcount So pleased to hear Mr V has had his scan, it feels like the small steps are happening albeit slowly.

The menopause is a nightmare for mixed up feelings, even worse when you've actually got stuff going on that includes emotions and feelings. Could you speak to your GP or if you're on Facebook can you join one of the menopause support groups?

Hows your new job going?
Finding some new hobbies and filling your life sounds a great idea, I know you've spent time bringing your children up but now they're quite independent now would be perfect. What interests do you have?

I'm so with you on the lack of intimacy, its not just about the sex, its everything that intimacy means. Hopefully you'll be back to full intimacy soon.

Don't be too hasty as Mr V gives you a lot of what you want and need, get a GP appointment and fill your life with things and then see how you feel.

Stepcount

I hear ya , I can accept my fairly strange iron situation as I work full time and have two kids
But later I’d probably crave what you crave
My general stance with men (and everyone !) is that people don’t change
I’m sorry if that’s a pessimistic stance
I ended my last Liaison as the lack of emotional sharing just drove me to madness

Your feelings are totally reasonable
And , maybe you do need to make some steps to get your mojo better as putting your emotional eggs in his basket isn’t going to make you happy

@Stepcount you sound a bit like you are more nervous to be alone after this long being invested. I personally don't think you are being unreasonable and I hope he can see that it's really affecting you. I'm never sure what the right answer is but I think there will be a breaking point where there's no way back and you are almost forced to make a decision. I would look to fill your life more with friends and things you enjoy so you can have a clearer perspective on things.

On a completely unrelated subject, stepped on the scales and I'm a stone heavier than I wanted! What a shock. Any tips to lose this quickly! Standing outside Boots debating Slimfast!

@Eesha crash diets are not great so could you cut out refined sugar and carbs for a few weeks? Or what about fasting so 5 days of normal calories and 2 of 600? That drops weight fast.
Or only eat in an 8 or 10 hour window which reduces snacking.

Or just throw the scales away 😂

Eesha
Get covid
I lost 3/4 of a stone in 2 weeks 😁