Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Badbaddog Hehx3 Daydreamscometrue

Thanks for being so sweet today

Anytime! xx

Aww @Thisisworsethananticpated sorry you feel sad about it! I think you’re really brave for getting out there and meeting new people. It sounds like you keep meeting good people too even if things haven’t worked out.

Hey @BelladiMamma hope you had a great Valentines!
@Badbaddog really liked your words about feeling things slipping in a previous relationship. It’s a really good word that.. i’m adopting it 🙂

There was so many I needed to split between 3 vases

My card to me

@Eesha what can I say other than I've also booked a session with a sex coach. My kids already think I'm the Gillian Anderson character in Sex Education. Why not embrace it, eh?

@Thisisworsethananticpated the whole thing is a headf@ck. I mean in some ways I shouldn't let it bother me. Because I'm all sorted and everything is hunky dory in my situation, as in my DC are very cool about me dating. But his, not so much as he's a single parent and he is all they've known.

Bag gets heavier and you get more confused and don't know what the right thing to do is. Part of me thinks I shouldn't bother meeting them til they're 30, the other part of me thinks that I need a thicker skin as DC's and teens will often be upset about their parents dating. I've been very lucky with my two. They want me to have a good personal life (plus our DC are all kept at arm's length from the relationship and each other which is as it should be as it's early days).

@ButterflyOfShay

Aww *@Thisisworsethananticpated* sorry you feel sad about it! I think you’re really brave for getting out there and meeting new people. It sounds like you keep meeting good people too even if things haven’t worked out. Hey *@BelladiMamma* hope you had a great Valentines! *@Badbaddog* really liked your words about feeling things slipping in a previous relationship. It’s a really good word that.. i’m adopting it 🙂

💖💖💖 thanks butterfly 🦋🦋🦋

@cravingthelook

There was so many I needed to split between 3 vases

Utterly gorgeous. Good for you 💖

@cravingthelook

My card to me

That's made me feel quite emosh 💖

@WeWantTheFinestWines 🤣🤣🤣 I've just caught up with your spectacles 👓 eating pug scenario 🤪🤪🤪
Thanks for the laughs and watch out for the cider

BelladiMamma
Ah so he is a FT single parent
What age are kids , approx
And for how long ?

My theory is single parents deserve to have fun 🤩
Ok , happiness - happier parents are good parents

And the kids should know as and when

Why shouldn’t their dad have his own emotional life
And maybe when the time is right you meet them

But I’d imagine it’s hard for him as you two sound like it’s pretty full on

ButterflyOfShay
Thanks you are right actually
This time around I’ve met much nicer guys
And I’m grateful for that, so yeah it didn’t work out - but he was nice , and in many ways so was my overseas obsession
And it’s really nice to not be checking messages

Thanks @BelladiMamma

My new outlook is be bloody kind to myself. Treat myself how I would a partner.

Joining x

@cravingthelook.. ‘I am enough’.. have you been listening to Marisa Peer? I’ve been OD’ing on her meditations since Christmas and its helped me massively. Starting therapy in a couple of weeks!! Something I never thought I’d do x

@Thisisworsethananticpated yeah sometimes it’s a relief in a strange way isn’t it. Like that tension has now disappeared!

ButterflyOfShay
What would you like to get our of the therapy ? I’m just curious as I think having a few focus areas really helps
I think I’ve seen you say there is some family stuff lingering ? Sorry personal question don’t answer if you don’t feel able

Absolute zero happening with me on the irons front. No one at all on the radar. However got quite a few fun social things coming up after a couple of months of quietness so am just looking forward to the return of my social life, seeing friends and aquaintances not seen since before Christmas, and good times to come.. hopefully things won’t all get scuppered like they have time after time the last couple of years. Hoping most people are feeling like me, keen to get out there and meet new faces and have adventures. Bring it on I say. ✨
Oh and the new me will be remaining sober. Had a total of 2 martinis in the year of 2022 thus far, as witnessed by some of the MN gang. According to my app I’ve saved a total £300 and 14k calories!! Unbelievable! 🥰
So if I happen to meet cool new people this year I’ll be feeling like and believing I’m my best Me, which can only be a good thing! ❤️

I’m pleased I communicated
For me hot sex and daily affectionate messages makes my little brain 🧠 think
Love ! Relationship !
And then I get fucked up when it’s not the case

@Thisisworsethananticpated how you feeling today?
What I would like to get out of it is how to deal with the fact and put closure to the emotional hold my family have over me and to unpick and repair the damage they have done to me, and continue to do, going forward, so I have a chance of happiness and to learn to deal with things in a healthy way. Im a bit of a mess up til this point but I’d like to try and change things going forward.
At the moment I've got them all on block but its not really healthy and I stew on it all a lot. One of them tried to call my work phone 😠 id forgotten to block there and just seeing the number come up upset me for the rest of the day. Sometimes I wish I lived in australia so it would be too far away to bother. Would really be free then x

@Thisisworsethananticpated I get that, and it’s hard. If you're an emotional person then that is probably what’s going to happen, we’re only human, what can we do?? 🙂 xx

I always wonder if I hadn’t had the fucked up childhood, would I be married settled down with kids like a lot of my friends are? Or are some people just not born that way?? Questions………….. 🧐

ButterflyOfShay
Wow that’s some heavy stuff there
You always seem lovely here , are really genuinely kind to other posters , and are clearly
Working very hard on your well being
So very admirable

And that’s some heavy shit you have there and I agree that a good counsellor is needed
Professional help as that’s really hard to untangle

Yeah thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated, definitely a people person, and I realise (after 40 years 🙄) I didnt deserve their poison, it’s just finding a way of trying to repair some damage now though, life’s short so why not be happy.. I want to be my best me for my remaining 40 years 😆😆 it is a choice!!

ButterflyOfShay
I think trying to answer that will make you crazy
As you are judging yourself against a norm that many people don’t have either
And for various reasons too

And some people have it , and aren’t happy either

But your clear mission to get into a good place
Mentally will pay off
Of that I’m confident

I guess in a weird way it’s like leaving an abuse relationship. You need some help and time to try and repair x