Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

[ButterflyOfShay]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ihavetogoshoppingnow wow that's a new level

Well, today has felt a bit weird honestly having a "boyfriend" (I'm not sure why I'm putting it in quotes) on Valentine's.

We'd already had the talk well in advance that he doesn't really like the day, but he said he'll make it a thing because I wanted at least one after 6 years of singledom (and hating it most of my LTR) 😂

Cue what we'd agreed (a text and a video call later today) with him sending a cute message this morning. After which I literally thanked the stars he didn't do anything else in all honesty. I don't think I like V day either? For me I think it's that the ex would try to make it into a thing when actually the rest of the time we were rubbish. I'm so jealous of all of you who can enjoy it in the spirit it's intended!

I saw him last night, mid week meet planned, he's coming round this Friday and I'm potentially having an overnight over the weekend. I'll give this man credit, when I say I'm not sure something is working (are we seeing enough of each other?) he doesn't just play lip service but fixes it. Now I'm worried it's going to be too much 😂

So. What I'm learning is that it's important for me to speak my needs, for someone to meet them, for them to follow through... then I'm not sure it's even what I want 😅😂

I wouldn't want to date me!!

Just checking in with you all for Valentines day. I do still read here from time to time and try to keep up, but the thread moves so fast!

I'm still very loved up with MrMud, it's been nearly 8 months now . We did our Valentines meal last week and will have a virtual drink together tonight when kids go to bed. It was very strange to get flowers, card and chocolates, it's been so long since I've got anything - having a boyfriend is still a strange feeling! We have a short holiday booked in a few months time and have lots of other plans together. We see each other as often as we can which is at least once a week, and we spend every other weekend together, it just feels very "right" IYKWIM.

Sending love and good wishes to you all. Hope all your dream irons are just around the corner.

@Bangheadhere40

Ddraig sorry you're not having a great time.

My cat has made me so much happier, I know she's just a pet but she sleeps near me and is super cuddly. I would recommend them, I actually think she's changed my life.

Oh absolutely. A cat will walk all over you but there's no silly games. Their love might be conditional but at least you know where you stand (conditions usually include a soft jumper and leftover chicken).

Happy Valentines Day everyone! Can confirm that I didn’t get a card from the guy that I’ve had two dates with. Got myself a heart shaped cupcake for lunch, you’ve got to learn to love yourself first!

Was it sexy chat ?

Doesn’t this depend on the person in question. .?
After hearing about my mate dying last week, there is now going to a motorcycle escort for the funeral next month which I’m going to take part in, as such I need a new back tyre,

So spend Saturday morning taking to local mechanic about tyres and tread patterns and dual compounds , now that was some sexy chat I’m telling you..., and was the closest I got to using anything made out of rubber over the valentine weekend 🙁

Ahhhh @Dirtyduck that’s lovely 🥰🥰

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I said that I'll leave that down to her. We ended it amicably (although with lots of tears on both sides), and it's not like we've fallen out so I wouldn't rule out staying in touch as friends at some point. I'm not very good at that though - usually it's me that still has feelings and gets dumped, so it's unusual for it to be the other way round. But I don't want to be too friendly in case it gives her false hope, so will just play it by ear.

It's kind of scary what you say about your MrM, as some of that resonates with my. I really do worry that I'm not able to commit - something I need to look at, as it's starting to become a common theme... I hope it's just that I've not met the right person yet, but maybe it is me...

@DdraigGoch another vote for cats here! Mine are great, and very affectionate. They were so sweet yesterday as I was upset, and they both sat by my feet looking concerned. I mean, they probably just wanted food if I'm honest, but I'm telling myself they were being nice to me :D

HowlongWillThisTakeNow

I didn’t mean it like that , it’s just sometimes on the apps I’ll have sexy chat with someone and they disappear , which I don’t mind it’s just a stupid thing I do sometimes

It’s more annoying if you have a friendly chat and they disappear

I end this day in a disappointed mood after my chirpy messages this morning

One ex sent me filth despite me telling him not to

My builder did come over and we had a bit of an inappropriate conversation which with hindsight wasn’t a great idea

My sex Baltic iron is fading a bit (but I am too )

@ButterflyOfShay No, I'm not working from home, thankfully. I did some short stints at home and really missed being around people. At least you'll be back in the thick of it soon!

@Thisisworsethananticpated
Sorry, I was just messing with you.

But not about bike tyres, thats serious stuff…

@HairyArsedMan

time.com/5527259/valentines-day-lupercalia/

"Get your goat darlin', you've pulled"

She dumped Alfie and changed career?

I’m needing advice
I’m in a slow fade with Baltic sexy iron

What’s the best and nicest way to say
‘I’ve noticed you aren't asking to meet up again . We are both grown ups so if your not that into this I understand , and I really don’t have any hard feelings . It was really fun meeting you . But I don’t want to lose time texting if it’s not going anywhere

Does that sound fair ?

I would be more definite, something like ‘well this has been lots of fun but I think we can agree we’ve reached the end of the road now, so goodbye my friend, take care of yourself, and thanks’. No explanations or apportioning of blame

Badbaddog

Oh that’s brutal and means I can’t shag him again 😂😂😂 but to be honest
He hasn’t asked me for another date FACT

I’ve unfortunately got emotionally attached (why does this happen when I fuck someone ?) that I check for their messages every 30 seconds

But I also have some nagging concerns around comparability and my very asd stressed character and his own life issues - I think who I am as a person isn’t a fit for him

It’s a shame

I would just say it's been great getting to know you but I'm not sure there's enough of a spark to keep things going. Best wishes in your dating ventures!

@Stepcount Hope you had a great Valentines with Mr V and all is right again.
Bloody hormones have a lot to answer for.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Can't you just ask if he wants to meet up?
Is this slow fade because you had a discussion of sorts about what you are?

SortingItOut
Yes basically
We didn’t agree what we are per se, just that we went shagging other people
Then a bit of a heavy discussion about some life stuff occurring for him
Then - fade !

@Thisisworsethananticpated Do you think that what he has with you was a break from real life and now he's opened up he feels awkward because he can't take back what he said and he thinks it might have changed things?

If he has a lot going on it might not be the slow fade but that he genuinely hasn't got time to engage with you at the moment.
I would ask about meeting up and go from there depending on his response

Decision made
I’ve deleted the chat which will stop me checking his status all . the. time
If he doesn’t message then decisions made !
Delete and forget

Every date is a learning curve hey
It’s annoying when men don’t complete things but I’ve learnt that already

SortingItOut
Yes to some extent , he opened up and may well feel a bit like it moved from fun to honesty

But I also think how i responded might have taken him aback (I don’t have a filter)
I also have some of the same challenges which I think put him off me

It’s a shame as he’s a sweetheart but what can I do ! Humans are complex
I can’t see us going to casual now , but I can’t see it progressing either

@SortingItOut, thank you. I had a lovely few hours with Mr V although some of it was a fairly deep conversation about us and the next steps, plus revisiting with a degree of hindsight what was said on Saturday evening. The next couple of months will be interesting as his sister finally moves in, which he claims will signal changes and he has a scan very soon at the hospital so he will hopefully get some reassurance about his health worries.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Badbaddog

Oh that’s brutal and means I can’t shag him again 😂😂😂 but to be honest
He hasn’t asked me for another date FACT

I’ve unfortunately got emotionally attached (why does this happen when I fuck someone ?) that I check for their messages every 30 seconds

But I also have some nagging concerns around comparability and my very asd stressed character and his own life issues - I think who I am as a person isn’t a fit for him

It’s a shame

Is that brutal? Shit. Sorry. I think my radar must be a bit off! But that line did work with a guy that I’d got quite close to then felt it slipping. I realised I couldn’t be bothered to work out why it was slipping, I couldn’t have (excellent!) sex with him again and I wanted closure. He messaged back to say he agreed on balance and he’d had a phenomenal time. We stayed in touch a bit as vaguely interested friends. It was fine.

Badbaddog
You are spot on ! It’s only brutal because i fancy him and want to shag him again
But my headspace is more important , and having wasted months on the last one I’m not doing that again