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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue

998 replies

ButterflyOfShay · 07/02/2022 07:21

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/02/2022 08:50

Ps apologies for all the woe is me posts, being stuck in a dating rut plus a raging seemingly never ending period plus the fact for 9 years Valentine’s Day was my anniversary I’m really not feeling it today 😅

ButterflyOfShay · 14/02/2022 09:05

@Thisisworsethananticpated

True dat I’ve just texted my iron , my 22 year old , my gay friend , a crazy ex and my builder I need a favour from builder so wearing a sexy top and making coffee for him just in case

Could be worse !!!!

Haha loving it 😄😄
OP posts:
ButterflyOfShay · 14/02/2022 09:06

[quote Startingover37]@ButterflyOfShay I love that way of looking at it, my love life was also a VERY dormant volcano for a long time. Bring on the mayhem! Grin
Hope you are enjoying working from home? Have a great day x[/quote]
Nah I'm bored to shit WFH @Startingover37. Missing my office pals greatly!!! Soon be back more regularly though. Are you wfh?

OP posts:
MizK · 14/02/2022 09:10

@ihavetogoshoppingnow don't apologise! Some days are harder than others and Valentines Day is pretty hard to block out! Don't let the flakes get you down! I had one pushing to meet last night then asking me to go out today. I said I didn't want a valentines day first date and he unmatched! Its just par for the course sadly.
Can you do something nice just for you?
I'm going to change my sheets, burn some expensive candles and have exactly what I want for dinner. Might binge watch the new Martin Freeman series in bed as I actually find him quite sexy 😏

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/02/2022 09:24

ihavetogoshoppingnow
Gone in that’s he’s unmatched ? Jesus people are just weird
Why would you even do that
Was it sexy chat ?

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/02/2022 09:48

@MizK I’m booked in for a yoga class later, will pick up something nice for tea and a few treats on the way home and probably do myself a nice bath and pamper etc.

Definitely not taking it as personally as I once would just more frustrated than anything

SortingItOut · 14/02/2022 09:49

@ButterflyOfShay The 'must dump Mr K' thoughts are literally that, no weighing up good and bad, just end it. I know that's ovulation.
My thoughts on should we/shouldn't we continue due to time pressures are much more rational and I can see both sides. These thoughts occur when we don't get much time together.
Last week was great and I saw him twice.
This week isn't so great because I have a work meeting on our usual night but hoping to see him another evening for a few hours. Plus he's popping over after work for 30mins before he gets his son, we're swapping cards (I suggested doing this on Sat am but he wanted to do it today🙄)

For now I think I'll keep him😂

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/02/2022 09:51

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Yeah unmatched, no no sexy chat it was just one of those conversations that just flowed through all sorts of things and it seemed like we were well matched.

Ah well onto the next whoever he may be

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/02/2022 10:19

Well that’s disappointing
Ugh 😑

HairyArsedMan · 14/02/2022 12:33

time.com/5527259/valentines-day-lupercalia/

"Get your goat darlin', you've pulled"

Daydreamscometrue · 14/02/2022 13:13

[quote ihavetogoshoppingnow]@Thisisworsethananticpated

Yeah unmatched, no no sexy chat it was just one of those conversations that just flowed through all sorts of things and it seemed like we were well matched.

Ah well onto the next whoever he may be[/quote]
Sorry to hear that. It's so disappointing. I had that after a week of back and forth with one guy. He just stopped replying. Recently chatting to another who seemed quite sweet although reluctant to meet until he'd got himself into shape. He sent me a recent pic yesterday and then asked me for a bikini shot which I declined. Looked this morning and he'd unmatched. Clearly pissed off that I didn't swoon over the recent picture and not provided him with some stimulation. Dickheads!

Backonthedatingtrain22 · 14/02/2022 13:32

Happy Valentine's Day everyone Wine

cravingthelook · 14/02/2022 15:16

So I decided - I didn't need Valentine's Day romance from anyone but myself.

I got emailed a mega deal on 30 roses by an online florist I've used before for delivery tomorrow (based on the discount they clearly didn't sell as many bouquets as they thought) so tomorrow I'll get a lovely bouquet to me. I even gave myself a nice note.

You are always who you've needed. You've always taken care of yourself; you still being here is proof. All the love in the world exists within you. Hold onto it, Appreciate it, feel it. You are enough.

I hope you all use today to give yourself some love.

TheCatWithTheHat · 14/02/2022 15:37

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Thanks for the kind comments yesterday - it's nice to be back here even though the reasons for it aren't so nice. I also feel like a cliche for breaking up with someone the day before Valentine's Day :( In hindsight, maybe I should have done this months ago, but then again at least I haven't let it go on for any longer. The worst part is that she is a really lovely person, and so many things were a good match on paper.

I'm not feeling 100% sure I've done the right thing, but I guess these doubts are natural. I did also meet up last night with the woman who gave me her number a week ago, and we had a fun night out. I've realised though that she has a few issues (self-diagnosed bi-polar and heavy drinker) so that's not going to go anywhere long term. I suppose it does also show that I can't be too upset about Miss Saigon, but I think I also need to avoid dating for a bit as I'm feeling a bit all over the place, and I'm not looking forward to getting back on the apps.

Also it's strange to think that my second date with Miss H was 2 years ago today - time flies! I still miss her sometimes too - I really am hopeless!

Eesha · 14/02/2022 16:10

Happy valentines everyone

Stepcount · 14/02/2022 16:17

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Hope you are feeling the love 💕
I’m seeing Mr V tonight after a rather hit and miss weekend. My hormones are also to blame for some of the rollercoaster of emotions I experience. Thank you menopause! Thursday evening I felt so loved up at an impromptu comedy club date he’d organised. By Saturday he was feeling unwell and the one proper night together we get went out of the window. Thanks to my best friend Gin 😵‍💫 I spent much of Saturday night in tears telling him I wasn’t sure we actually had a relationship and I wasn’t sure he was emotionally available for me! He took this on the chin, assured me that he wasn’t leading me up the garden path, his feelings are real and he loves me - not something I have heard very often from him. He’s usually the antithesis of’ love-bomber’. I still felt fed up yesterday as he didn’t suggest new plans and claimed to be spending the day doing house stuff ( watching football is much closer to the truth). I should have gone out and distracted myself but I am a bit stuck ( mentally) on the idea that I shouldn’t leave my DD17 on her own too much. She doesn’t seem to often have weekend plans and I feel guilty if I head out and leave her. Managed to mooch the day away at home and a catch up call with my friend made me realise my problems pale into insignificance with some of the things she’s dealing with in her own RS and with one of her DC.
Hopefully soon things will get better on the apps for those of you who are looking. Spring is not far off and I think people seem a lot more inclined to want to get out when the nights are lighter and it’s not so cold.

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 14/02/2022 17:05

@cravingthelook

So I decided - I didn't need Valentine's Day romance from anyone but myself.

I got emailed a mega deal on 30 roses by an online florist I've used before for delivery tomorrow (based on the discount they clearly didn't sell as many bouquets as they thought) so tomorrow I'll get a lovely bouquet to me. I even gave myself a nice note.

You are always who you've needed. You've always taken care of yourself; you still being here is proof. All the love in the world exists within you. Hold onto it, Appreciate it, feel it. You are enough.

I hope you all use today to give yourself some love.

That is absolutely lovely… made me tear up a bit reading this!
ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/02/2022 17:17

Who said romance was dead Hmm

Dating thread 225: Roses are red, violets are blue
WeWantTheFinestWines · 14/02/2022 18:05

@ihavetogoshoppingnow

Who said romance was dead Hmm
WTF?!?!!
DdraigGoch · 14/02/2022 18:19

It's been a while since I was last on one of these threads. My absence hasn't been down to being coupled up either. I've found the last few days utterly miserable.

I was texting a medical student. Obviously they're very busy so may not answer straight away, but I'm prepared to be patient (I've waited this long). I'm not sure that texts always get through which doesn't help. Still it seemed to be going well, we were planning to meet up on Thursday but she had to stay on until late at the hospital. Fair enough, I'm aware of how hard a medical course is, and how once they are a junior doctor it gets even worse. Since then though, silence. Oh well...

I've got another match though. Conversation was very slow (I'd get one or maybe two responses in a day) but on the face of things, we could be compatible. Heard nothing from them since very early on Friday morning, thought that one had fizzled out too. Then yesterday evening I got a response. So it's not over then, though at the current rate of messaging I'll be pushing retirement before we ever do meet up.

This general lack of progress has been getting me down. I don't even have work to distract me, I'm in the middle of a rostered long weekend which means five consecutive rest days. There's no overtime going so I've been stuck at home feeling sorry for myself. Can't even get some gardening done because the weather is so miserable. Even the robot vacuum cleaner's app is trolling me by sending notifications about "special valentines day offers", just to rub it in.

Decided that rather than go out shopping in the rain, I would go to the pub this evening for a pizza. They have a jazz night on Mondays. Great, only tonight will of course be romantic jazz. If the pub is full of smooching couples, I'll be asking for a takeaway box.

I really think I might get a cat. Just for some company.

Bangheadhere40 · 14/02/2022 18:20

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone 😊

I was thinking any guys on the apps tonight will hopefully to be more likely to be single.

Bangheadhere40 · 14/02/2022 18:22

Ddraig sorry you're not having a great time.

My cat has made me so much happier, I know she's just a pet but she sleeps near me and is super cuddly. I would recommend them, I actually think she's changed my life.

cravingthelook · 14/02/2022 18:25

Awww thanks @ibelieveinmirrorballs - I've learnt to be kind to myself these days.

@ihavetogoshoppingnow - it's so bad I did laugh.

@TheCatWithTheHat - it's ok to miss people we care about. It's been about 14 months since I met Mr HT, 5 months since I last saw him and he just stopped talking to me. I did message him over Christmas/New Year and he responded but was not communicative at all. I still think about him every day. I try to remember the good stuff and always have a positive wish for him within me. Somedays I am sad but that's ok.

I do believe that grief is the result of feeling love when it no longer is able to go to someone (for whatever reason, loss or death). So I figure that if I give a positive wish for him each time I think of him, it gives that love somewhere to go and doesn't get stuck and cause me pain.

Well aren't I soppy today Grin

ihavetogoshoppingnow · 14/02/2022 18:26

@WeWantTheFinestWines I’m honestly lost for words at this point

ibelieveinmirrorballs · 14/02/2022 18:36

Aah @cravingthelook nowt wrong with a bit of soppyness Grin

Not sure what I think about getting over things that haven't worked out - I flip between thinking it's absolutely the right thing for me not to be in touch with MrM (about 2.5 weeks now with no contact - am quite proud of myself) and slowly processing all the things about the way he lived his life that didn't/wouldn't have fit in with me as time went on (in summary, being a 53 year old academic who lived a bit like an overgrown student) but then feeling wistful for the good bits. I am telling myself though when able that I've had three pretty decent OLD relationships since I started last year, don't seem to have had much trouble meeting them - but the thing I need to get a lot better at is weeding out the emotionally unavailable before I even start. With MrM he even TOLD me before we met that he was worried there was something wrong with him in that he couldn't commit and of course I batted it away with that ridiculous 'ahhh it'll be different when he meets ME!' mindset. And of course then we met, and had brilliant adventures, and he seemed smitten, and then.... couldn't commit to anything more serious. I am my own worst enemy.

@TheCatWithTheHat do you think you'll stay in touch at all with Miss Saigon?

@Bangheadhere40 I agree re cats. I have two and they make me laugh as well as being total fluff monsters.