I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

You need to really raise your standards. If a man/anyone says they aren't sure about commitment, take it as read that you dont have to be committed either. Instead of waiting 3 months, make the choice yourself. You were polite and simply asking for an answer one way or another so he had no reason to block you based on your actions BUT he should have been blocked 2.5 months ago for pissing about sending 'I like you' texts but not actually meeting up

You have done nothing wrong. He's a prick

@supercali77 I know :( but with him still getting in contact telling me he liked me still and missed me and how much issues he had in his personal life i felt sorry for him but this went on for 3 months and it got to the stage were Just not ‘dating’ even anymore or moving forward (some commitment). Yes I really felt no of my responses warranted a block , I do agree I should of been stronger and stopped it 3 months ago. Just felt on a emotional rollercoaster these last few months I thought maybe was he commitment phobe . So what made him block me though do you think just suddenly? X

@OldEvilOwl I agree I wouldn’t of thought he would of done this to be honest it’s thrown my senses completely now too (yes I should of just stopped it 3 months ago but I was being nice and supporting him with his ‘issues’) - so I basically got in a situation were he was not seeing me for 3 months not dating me however he was bothered not if I got asked out by another man for example but if I actually went out with anyone else it would bother him even though he didn’t want to commit to me :( and now with the him blocking me , I’m just hurt by that action to me to be honest x

The dude's stringing you along
He's not interested

If someone's a commitment phobe, and you're looking for commitment, then you can just have sex with that person until you find a committed relationship with someone else. Waste not, want not.

Didn’t read your whole post, but from the first bit it seems clear he wasn’t interested or treating you well and that you’ve persisted - why?! You should’ve walked at the ‘commitment phobe’ chat.

Agree with the others - he's a tool and a coward too. As to his thought process behind the block, I wouldn't be surprised if he was feeling sort of vaguely guilty for jerking you around, and because he's a coward when you actually said it to him (in your incredibly nice way) he reacted to that. What a dick though, he wanted to think of himself as the nice guy who felt 'guilty' about jerking you around but then as soon as you were agreeing with that assessment and not just going along with it he decided that he didn't want to deal with how he was making you feel. So immature and not worth your time.
I wouldnt be surprised if he comes back later on bleating about how he was 'so overwhelmed' and just felt 'so bad'. Stand firm though, all techniques to squirm out of dealing with his own bad behaviour.

Congratulations, you just saved yourself from narcissistic person and toxic relationship. Move on. Set your boundaries high and don't get swept off your feet easily from now on.

Honestly? You’ve not been seeing this man for very long - it’s meant to be fun. This isn’t fun and you are not his therapist. Block him back and go out with someone else

@Loopytiles I know :( I feel abit silly now yes but he was telling me that he still liked me over these 3 months of stopping seeing me I kind of just got into this cycle (never known anything like that before) and he said he was having some commitment Afraid and personal issues with his family etc and he kept coming back telling me how much he liked me (like I said It slowed down contacting me in the last month but only 2 weeks ago he was saying he was sorry he was not better to me and he really liked me, I think I kept giving it the benefit of doubt due to him saying it was issues for him - now I’m sat here thinking what the hell happened how did I get into that why did I let it go on too much but now I’m the one that’s been blocked and I don’t understand why he would block me in such a way what was his goal to sting me along by not receiving even sex from , not seeing me and then to just block me - it’s made me not trust my own judgement now haha! X

@CruCru you’re right I’m not and I’ve felt like abit of a sounding board from him :( I just really liked him at beginning we had loads of fun I just wanted to date and have nice times and then all this happened with him …I’m Nurse maybe because I’m quite emphatic? I don’t know but I don’t read too much into things I just believed about his issues and him saying he still liked - obviously now with hindsight I can see it after him blocking me , maybe he’s commitment phobe?

Why are you even giving him headspace? Delete and block him back so you are not tempted when he comes looking for a shag.

In my experience they always pop back up be it weeks or months down the line. I have been sucked back in like this and ashamed to say multiple times with the same person always with the sob story that pulled at me (although we did have years of history). I wasted such a lot of time. So my advice is feel the uspet, you are allowed to feel what you feel, write it all down then realsie you dont need someone so emotionally unavailable in your life and recognise you dodged a bullet of contsant disappointment. Block now so even if he reaches out you wont know!

Oh gawd you have seriously over invested in this man! He has done you a favour by blocking you, now you can get on with proper dating / life.

He sounds emotionally draining - you've dodged a bullet there I think!

Sorry to say but he’s not that into you. He’ll likely pop back up as an ego boost but that’s it. Block and move on. Don’t waste anymore headspace on him.

@spotcheck what would make him stick around for 3 months if I wasn’t sleeping with him or seeing him? (I agree he was stringing me along) I just don’t get the motive entirely

@narcdad he convinced me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I started getting invested when I thought it was going somewhere then last 3 months I just been in total confusion I guess my head was just everywhere with the telling me he liked me and missed me but then not seeing me 😕

@Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow do you think that’s what this last 3 months of not seeing me was just an ego boost? Maybe he felt crappy way he was treating me and blocked me for that , but you’re right

I think perhaps deep down you may have had some inkling that he was stringing you along. Trust your instincts, no one who likes someone would take so long to decide. He was just keeping his options open. You have learnt something from this though and someone better for you will come along x

I'd assume you were a back up he needed to keep sweet but now he's decided he doesn't need that any more.

Delete him and move on.

@MoreCoffeePlease2 I think you hit the nail on the head! Do you think because it’s made him feel bad even in his own admission saying ‘it’s not fair on you’ ‘I’m sorry I’m not better to you’ all that kind of thing and when I actually said you’re right it’s unfair (but I said it in a nice way yes you’re right) and that’s made him feel sh*ity how he’s treating me and hence the block? I can’t believe I sat here for 3 months thinking we would eventually go back to what we was dating again all I can say he convinced me but like I said he started being on and off / hot and cold just randomly , I felt every few days was different I just thought he had a lot of problems , but it’s lessoned learned hard way for me 😢

@rubytubeytubes it’s true I’ve learned alot from this I really have, but it did hurt , I’ve been taken in alittle maybe. What was his purpose to string me along for 3 months while not sleeping together , not seeing each other there was only calls and texts what did he get out of it do you think? X

@spotcheckwhat would make him stick around for 3 months if I wasn’t sleeping with him or seeing him? (I agree he was stringing me along) I just don’t get the motive entirely

I know you're not asking me but... he hasn't really 'stuck around' if you haven't been seeing him in person, has he? It's not as if it's something that requires real investment on his part. He may like having you as a sounding board and I'm sure it boosts his ego too.

I know it's incredibly difficult to detach when you like someone, you've had an amazing time and you built up a picture of him as a person only to have the rug pulled out from under you! It doesn't make sense so you end up overthinking it, and the little crumbs of attention make you hope things will go back to being good. Unfortunately it just doesn't work like that, men like this are flaky and will keep letting you down and reeling you in.

Now you need to be strong and block him back so he can't reach out with feeble excuses in a few days or weeks. Blocking you out of the blue was really disrespectful so treat it as a dealbreaker and move on.

He was never interested. You gave him a guilt free 'Get out of jail free' card with your last message.

Honestly I don't think I'd want to date someone that waited 3 months for me if I was ignoring them. Lack of self respect isn't the best thing. He was stringing you along, maybe even would come back for sex. I think him cutting contact is kindest on you. He tried to let you down gently (in all the wrong ways I know!)