I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

I said this on another thread today
"Why do people persist in relationships like this? I just don't understand. They are supposed to be happy and relaxed not full of arguments and angst and wondering.
Just move on, honestly, this isn't the beginning of a lifetime of happiness."

@pog100 it’s strange because we was happy and then he pulled away and then it’s was full of his issues etc and not seeing me and I kept giving benefit of doubt just because he was telling me of his issues - I am little soft like that that’s why I ‘persisted’ but the longer it went on it did make me wonder yes x

"full of his issues etc and not seeing me". That's where you say goodbye, this isn't making me happier than no relationship.

@onedbull1 thank you I read every word. You’re completely right I noticed particular where you said there are no kisses in his texts and some are and about it about being again about him, he wants to know if i was seeing someone else cause as it wouldn’t boost his ego. Maybe he was seeing someone I did ask back when he asked me and he said no however not everything said is truth so who knows. You’re 100 percent right He doesn’t seem to ask about my feelings

Where there are no kisses, again about him, he wants to know if you’re seeing someone else cause then he will look a dick if his mates found out and won’t boost his ego n he ain’t got time or want competition, so he needs to know.

Also if you were, your doing what he’s doing, so he ain’t got time or effort to work harder or want to look like a fool.

He doesn’t seem to ask you about you’re feelings or say something nice, except when you call him out, Make the situation Real, feelings, ect. Then he seems pretend to backtrack, give you a bit more rope to keep you hanging.

And thanks I know what’s you mean last couple of days when he blocked me after a few days after my last text (that you have seen on other page) I was analysing the last texts because yes I was blaming part myself for agreeing with him that it was unfair on me etc I would of never of said that first so when he said it I took the opportunity to agree and say yes he was right it’s unfair on me but I guess that was the wrong answer even though it was agreeing I naively thought (which I’m kicking myself for) that after saying yes I agree it’s unfair on me and only seen him once in 3 months that he would start sorting himself if he cared about me that much (you said you been through similar things so you’ll understand you kinda just have hope but I know that’s over now with the block but it’s the blaming myself that right up untill then I had hope and then I got blocked - that’s what I’m more kicking myself about, everything you said in your post is 💯 . I do hope this thread helps someone else that is going through a similar thing x

@Fr0thandBubble
Was he? So he was kind of similar .. I did very nicely for that too it seems with the ego boost . The key sign I agree too is not arranging to meet up properly but when he did he would cancel and then not reply arrange properly then without realising I was in this text thing for 3 months and then asking to see me on a random through text after so long and I was busy that easy he asked was I seeing anyone probably if he felt I was maybe loosing interest he asked to see me but he had only said the day before he didn’t know what he didn’t want because he didn’t know what he could give but then asking to see me say after and then blocking me days after asking to see me that’s what I analysed (more so for my own sake not really his that why did I put up with it why didn’t I see it I do see it now obviously)

“You (very nicely and gently) called him out on his behaviour, and he didn’t like that because the whole aim of this exercise from his perspective is for you to make him feel good about himself, and now you’ve made him feel bad about himself and he kind of realised the game is up as you’re not just nicely playing along any more. Hence the blocking.” - this that you said I agree so even though I was nice about the not seeing me and agreeing with his analysis of it being unfair on me he realised I knew and he knew it was true so blocked me , I can never I repeat never be in a situation like this again and actually put me off dating to be honest and knocked my self confidence alittle but like I said in a few days I’m sure I’ll move on more I’m having a nice weekend now I’m better than I was a couple days ago atleast x

[quote Melanie2041]@donesomethingterrible I know maybe same as you after a couple weeks I’ll feel even stronger and try not to give headspace I know the situation I wasn’t be treated right but I cared about him so feelings have clouded judgement but I know it wasn’t right and I will just focus on my weekend and just getting over things best I can x[/quote]
@Melanie2041 I do hope you are managing to have a good weekend.
Despite thinking I was stronger after 2 weeks this evening I took a step backwards and ended up scrolling through his FB. It just made me really sad and then humiliated.
So just take it day by day and don't beat yourself up if you have a relapse x

Let it go. Finally. Far too much analysis of someone who has wasted your time. Accept that not everyone out there is a kind or halfway decent person. You will meet jackasses and they reveal themselves eventually. Next time you meet someone, wait for a good 6 months before allowing yourself to get attached. Our society makes sex the be all and end all. Just slow down. Right down. Let it go, let it go. I wasted years on someone who basically used me because I wanted to see the good in him. Face it, there are people who are rotten to the core out there and the faster you accept that, forgive yourself for getting played or tricked by a player, however you want to name it, put him out of your mind and trust me, STOP trying to understand him because there is nothing to understand other than he is NOT worth a second more of your time, well that is the minute you free yourself up to meet decent men and get happy again.

@IncompleteSenten

I'd assume you were a back up he needed to keep sweet but now he's decided he doesn't need that any more.

Delete him and move on.

Exactly what I was going to say. You were on the back burner but he's clearly had a better offer. But that's even better for you - saved you months of overthinking and you can raise the bar of your expectations. win win.

I just want to add: I was strung along by a partner for a few years! It was post my divorce and I already had children from my marriage so it's not like I wasted childbearing years. Even so, I went along with his indifference and occasional comments about how he never wanted to marry or live with my someone. We carried on - in the end it finished when I had a devastating loss and he could not have given less fucks. Three years on I'm single but thats because I now know that I'm not putting up with anyone elses shit. He did me a massive favour as it turns out! Who'd have thought it!

@IrishKatie1971 was sleeping with him first 3 months too soon? That was when everything was fine and we was dating all that only happened after and that’s when I stopped sleeping with him immediately . (I’ve only had 2 other long relationships and it developed to intimate after about 3 months and then lasted years so I’ve never had this before and I’m nee to dating scene again after a very long time) is the 6 month thing regarding to get to know someone and or start being intimate? What would you say is a good base to let a guy know your not after casual in regards to choosing when to sleep with them etc? X

You let someone know that you want a committeed relationship by telling them, there isn't some universally understood period of time to wait to have sex!

[quote Melanie2041]@IrishKatie1971 was sleeping with him first 3 months too soon? That was when everything was fine and we was dating all that only happened after and that’s when I stopped sleeping with him immediately . (I’ve only had 2 other long relationships and it developed to intimate after about 3 months and then lasted years so I’ve never had this before and I’m nee to dating scene again after a very long time) is the 6 month thing regarding to get to know someone and or start being intimate? What would you say is a good base to let a guy know your not after casual in regards to choosing when to sleep with them etc? X[/quote]
I don't think you did anything wrong with the timing, it's just that as @IrishKatie1971 says, you will meet Jackasses, and this is one of them. He told you what you wanted to hear, and he fooled you.

He's not worth analysing or working out, he's just not.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron it’s sounds right that , I tried to think was anything I could of done to avoid that with the timing however he could of just waiter to do that once we started sleeping with each and got comfortable so really timing wasnt maybe a issue. You’re it’s just accepting that he was a jacka*s and said things that would happen think what I would more than likely want to hear. I have said in this thread and I’ll say again as one last thing …he was no stud that for sure if he was playing with other women then I find it hard to believe he was sleeping with different women when he seemed so self conscious of his performance and his lack of certain something (never had that with a man before) but it was so obvious he had self confidence issues. That’s my signing off note that atleast I can say that lol it wasn’t like mind blowing like it was with my ex 😆

(I can say that now as he ghosted me 😅😂)

@Melanie2041

I appreciate all the comments I have read all of them even though I can’t answer them all I just really appreciate time people have taken out to write a message to me. I think I’ve learned alot from this and can summarise that the whole him saying ‘I like you and miss you’ on a Monday then not seeing me only once in 3 months then by the next week ignoring me on and off it was different every week and then blocking me a few days after asking to see me is confusing in itself alone such Confusing behaviour no wonder I didn’t know if I was coming or going day to day the whole him keeping saying ‘I feel unfair on you’ ‘I’m sorry I’m not better to you at the moment’ was probably to keep me around but as soon as I’ve said in a nice way yes it is unfair on me I’ve only seen you once in 3 months’ and I said in such a nice way too with smiley face and kiss on end of message that he must of thought about it and it made him feel crappy and didn’t massage his ego him admitting he isn’t right to me or unfair on me hence the block after silence for a few days knowing I would of obviously noticed a block eventually , so anyone reading this thread with a similar situation or having the same things said to you it’s a red flag but it’s easy to get caught up in the confusion :( so much more aware now

Your big lesson learned from this is when someone's words don't match their actions, don't be afraid of calling them out on it. You have nothing to lose.

"No, you aren't sorry you don't treat me better. That's the problem. If you were genuinely sorry you would behave better towards me"

"You don't miss me otherwise you'd make an effort to agree a date for us to meet up again and not do a disappearing act on me".

"I'm sorry you have xyz problem with your family but just so you know, I'm not a trained counsellor so I cannot help you resolve that relationship problem".

"Don't worry about being unfair on me. That's fine. No need to apologise. Let's call it a day, so I can move onto better things, this isn't getting me anywhere".

Put things in terms of you , think about you and your needs first and foremost. There's nothing a person like that hates more, it's someone who focuses on and is able to express what they want and expect back from the relationship, it makes them feel under pressure early in the relationship, so they can't pull a stunt like this man pulled on you, and it shows a strong sense of self-worth, something they lack.

@daisychain01 absolutely you’re right :( those responses you suggested above would of been perfect, although he may of probably blocked me sooner with a response like that? Lol - not that I think anything wrong about them but he blocked me over what I would of considered was even more of a gentler version of what you suggested above (wish I had gone with yours couple months before) This thread is long so I’ll leave you below what our last texts were before randomly he just blocked a few days after this last exchange.
..I do feel alittle bad today even though I feel stronger after reading everyone posts and answers / advice - the ghosting has really knocked my self confidence you start thinking what did I say so terrible to be blocked you start blaming yourself - it’s quite a drastic action and quite cruel to ghost and block .. I was reading online today that after ghosting this can happen to some people it knocks self confidence and because I was taken in by everything it’s hard to wrap my head around also my self confidence has been knocked but talking about it on here prior did help me filter through some things I was feeling and got a chance to talk about it .. going to build back up slowly again hopefully x

Ghoster text - “ I just feel unfair on you that’s all”

⬆️ (He’s referring to probably not knowing what he wants and not treating me better as he had prior mentioned this)

Mel text - I know. You’re right it is unfair. I like you but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice xx Since I stayed at yours end of October time to now that’s 3 months and I have seen you once when we went out for a drink last at the pub did you realise it’s been that long? I started thinking maybe you just not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆) but saying it’s unfair atleast I know you must realise the situation , btw it’s up to you to want to see me I’m just saying it’s been a long time that’s all xx

⬆️ And then after that I got blocked a few days after.

..Thank you for your comments if this ever happens again to me (which I’m hoping it never does!) I will most certainly keep note of these replies😘

…I’m also looking at the websites that signal red flags in relationships right now and the other links that were suggested to me I’m looking at links again sent to me on this post and they are really helpful

Thank you everyone 😘

OP. Let. This. Go.

@MadForBurpees I have now (we it still hurts alittle) but after a few days I am in a better place now (hopefully my self confidence will also return but that will probably take some more time) thanks for your comments xx

I'm glad you are feeling better. Thanks s guy is clearly an idiot and someone else's problem, good luck 🤞