I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

I think you've dodged a bullet. Only I think he will crop back up. So far, whatever he has thrown at you, you have just accepted and plodded along with it. I reckon this blocking is a test to see how far he can actually push you.
An old ex of mine was similar to this. Hot and cold, blocking and then unblocking. Always the same shite "I don't think I can give you what you need" and me stupidly falling for it.

@Melanie2041 you really sound like a lovely person and I am so sorry this prick has treated you this way.

It seems to me that he has a gf or some bit on the side stashed away.

I am 2 weeks into being ignored by someone after a 3 month thing (different situation to yours but still hurts like hell). My best friend keeps reminding me how much I need to hate him and it really helps!! Yes very immature but I'll take any help to get the bastard out of my head.

Please do as all the others have said and block him immediately. You will find someone who deserves you x

Why are his problems so magnified?
Am sure you have your ups and downs too.

6 days no contact would be a deal breaker for me. Somehow he has a hold over you... don't over think it. Just wait and see if he gets in touch!

@WatieKatie you’re right the moment that was mentioned this commitment thing I should of and I did but he came back and when he did I thought oh this must be genuine 😣 that was train of thought at time (I know 😣) so I’ve been here for 3 months being questioned had I met anyone during all this because he must of been insecure and I said no and he made out he would be bothered if I went out with anyone so it made me not do ..then I get blocked. I should of said to go and get himself sorted I actually did and he said he was going to ‘counselling’ after that first time I thought well I’ll hear off if it’s meant to be in a few months and he came back but this happened a few times and I knew there was something up I think my head was just so spun around that I couldn’t tell what was happening anymore I’ll be honest . I do feel better after speaking it all out It’s been a long few months ..

Please. Stop it now. He's ridiculous. He's making you a bit ridiculous.

Don't respond to him ever again.

@Suzi9989 yeah I didn’t know he seemed to have so many problems occurring almost daily or weekly they were magnified?
I do have ups and downs of course but I never once shared them with him they were not worth sharing just minor, he really did seem to have big things ‘happening’ all the time that did make me wonder 🤷🏻‍♀️

6 days no contact would be a deal breaker for me in general too you’re right but because of issues I thought he was taking head space but when he was nice he would be there contacting me etc and I realised as time went on (it was more this last month) he went a whole week without saying anything to me even though on that last time he was telling all nice things about me and him etc to then ghost me. I just don’t understand how someone can be caring on a Monday and disinterested by a Wednesday and then wash cycle repeat that same scenarios but obviously I realise now and learned there are people just like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

@ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp I agree with that I do feel ridiculous, you’re right

Nat King got - interest gone.

But prince enough to keep you dangling in case he fancies a bit.

Walk away.

@PossiblyDreaming yes 100 percent . You’re rightS Atleast one good thing I stopped sleeping with him as soon as all this started 3 months ago I felt like he did know that wasn’t happening untill whatever he had was sorted , so maybe more ego he was keeping me around?

It's sounds like he's just really not that bothered about you. From what you've said it looks likely he met someone else and kept you as an option on the back burner. I'm sure you deserve more.

Thank you for this link x

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron thank you for the link x

He will come back when he isn't getting attention elsewhere. Don't entertain it and certainly don't think he's suddenly had a change of heart cos he will upset you all over again. Men like this almost go by a playbook.

There was a guy like this in my past - luckily I wasn't that into him anyway! But yes, lots of headfuckery and bullshit. It's an ego boost he's after: knowing that you're there, wanting him. Urgh. I am friends with the one I was "kind of seeing" (it was ages ago and we work together) and he still sometimes tests the water with me even though I'm in a relationship and have been for a while. No thanks to being your ego boost, mate!

@StellaGibs

He will come back when he isn't getting attention elsewhere. Don't entertain it and certainly don't think he's suddenly had a change of heart cos he will upset you all over again. Men like this almost go by a playbook.

And yes, this.

Honestly OP, you have really been sucked in to his (IMO non existent) 'commitment issues' and drama. Do yourself a favour and block him

[quote Melanie2041]**@MoreCoffeePlease2* I think you hit the nail on the head! Do you think because it’s made him feel bad even in his own admission saying ‘it’s not fair on you’ ‘I’m sorry I’m not better to you’ all that kind of thing and when I actually said you’re right it’s unfair (but I said it in a nice way yes you’re right) and that’s made him feel shity how he’s treating me and hence the block? I can’t believe I sat here for 3 months thinking we would eventually go back to what we was dating again all I can say he convinced me but like I said he started being on and off / hot and cold just randomly , I felt every few days was different I just thought he had a lot of problems , but it’s lessoned learned hard way for me 😢[/quote]
Look - men like this do not feel bad. They don't think like you. They are not sorry .They only miss the ego trip . You got a bit stroppy in his eyes and so he has blocked you. He has done you a MAJOR favour. He may even be back later after your punishment. Do not waste any more time on him! The kiss and the smiley face - you were actually being too nice to him btw.

He was stringing you along for the ego boost. It seems he kept you on the back-burner and now maybe something else caught his eye.

Also, the second a man mentions being 'not sure what he wants' run, don't walk, run. It's not OK to be dating if you don't know what you want. Or if you have 'comitment issues'.

If you were dating for 10 weeks and sleeping together and then he said it, you should have smacked the bastard in the nuts, hard. Then blocked him. Because what he actually meant 'I know exactly what I want- and it isn't you and it never will be. But i don't want you to know that. Because I want to string you along'. Always. Every single time without exception, it means that. (Unless it's within the first month of dating and you haven't slept together yet).

He is a prize prick. You're well shot of him.

[quote Melanie2041]@ImJustMadAboutSaffron thank you for the link x[/quote]
You're welcome. He sounds like a drama llama, too. Please don't have anything more to do with him, as you say you have had decent relationships in the past, this one is a one-off aberration so leave him there.

He would have done this to anyone, it's not you that has attracted him, but the boundaries you didn't have in place ensured that he got away with it. He's probably fooling other women too.

Block him right back on everything so he doesn't have the option to come back and annoy you further.

I can’t read all of it but consider yourself lucky. You can meet others. This one no good.

I appreciate all the comments I have read all of them even though I can’t answer them all I just really appreciate time people have taken out to write a message to me. I think I’ve learned alot from this and can summarise that the whole him saying ‘I like you and miss you’ on a Monday then not seeing me only once in 3 months then by the next week ignoring me on and off it was different every week and then blocking me a few days after asking to see me is confusing in itself alone such Confusing behaviour no wonder I didn’t know if I was coming or going day to day the whole him keeping saying ‘I feel unfair on you’ ‘I’m sorry I’m not better to you at the moment’ was probably to keep me around but as soon as I’ve said in a nice way yes it is unfair on me I’ve only seen you once in 3 months’ and I said in such a nice way too with smiley face and kiss on end of message that he must of thought about it and it made him feel crappy and didn’t massage his ego him admitting he isn’t right to me or unfair on me hence the block after silence for a few days knowing I would of obviously noticed a block eventually , so anyone reading this thread with a similar situation or having the same things said to you it’s a red flag but it’s easy to get caught up in the confusion :( so much more aware now

I think he blocked you because he could see that he couldnt just call you up for sex when he wants. He had wanted you to come round for sex and you said you couldnt at short notice because of work. Its actually a good thing hes gone because he just wanted you to be someone he can have sex with when he wants.

He just wanted sex, nothing complicated about it. Let him go, no point giving him the headspace.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron 100 percent. this has been really a one is a one-off never experienced anything like this I agree even though I was nice he would of done it to anyone I thought I was off when he kept saying how nice I was and that he’s never had anyone nice to him before! It’s not me that has attracted him, but the boundaries i didn't have in place and it ensured him to get away with it even though on some level he knew it was wrong but kept it on. Everyone has been spot on with the comments - I just honestly didn’t see it at the time but it’s so obvious now :(
I’m fine I’ll dust myself down put it down to learning experience x