I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

@femfemlicious I think it was more ego stroke as we didn’t have sex for 3 months and he never suggested it - more of an ego stroke I think but probably would of led to that after 3 months but he knew I wouldn’t of done that I only got to sleeping with him when we was dating properly and I thought and he told me he wanted it to go somewhere once that’s stopped the sex stopped and never resumed x

@donesomethingterrible it’s awful isn’t it I hope your ok just keep reminding yourself he’s no good to you - I’m doing that now. X

@femfemlicious yeah he asked to see me before blocking me but not for sex just to see me and I said I was working and then he asked had I met anyone else (because at that point we were not dating nor having sex for 3 months) so ego stroke .

I’ve abit of a naive fool I know that 💗 x

Happened to me years ago.
What he got out of it-
Firstly some sex
Then he had you in reserve whilst he dated someone else or several other people to see how that went.
He's either found someone he really likes or you've fallen off the bottom of the list as it were.
Boosted his ego to stay in contact and know that you would meet up with him if he asked. He asked every now and then just to check, may have gone through with it if he didn't get a better offer.
When he cancelled on you at short notice he'd got a better offer.

@cupofdecaf he asked me to see him I think as a test to see if I had met anyone (I hadn’t) but I think because he hadn’t seen me for 3 months he was testing it . I agree staying in some touch boosted his ego were I thought he was just dealing with issues . When he asked to see me I said no because I was working (that was the truth) so it didn’t boost his ego that I dropped everything to see him . The whole thing just had my head in a spin - I’m so glad I got on here to talk to everyone it was all a big ego trip with even no sex involved for 3 months - and I fell naively to it x

I think there's a term for this now where men keep you in reserve/ hanging on whilst they see other people.
There's some thought that internet dating makes it worse because they're always looking for the next lady/ match and not enjoying the person they're actually dating.

@ChickenStripper yes :( - only probably will miss the ego trip . Yes do you think he thought I got abit stroppy in his eyes and so he has blocked you even though yes I was nice about it but I questioned it -so I was in a position to never ask questions about commitment or seeing me etc - The kiss and the smiley face on my last message back before being block I agree with you maybe I was too nice?- it’s in my personality to generally nice maybe that was taken advantage of? xx

@cupofdecaf yeah that seems to be the term for it. I assumed when you get pass the dating and sleeping with each other (as we both had discussed what we wanted to become a bf or gf and a relationship that develops over time and if it’s right etc I was not rushing for marriage just wanted to date the same person) I rest made it clear what I wanted and he did to start first before we slept with each but then that all stopped for 3 months with all these family issues or commitment issues cropping up - I assumed once you start sleeping with each your not dating anyone else (well I wouldn’t be and he told me he wasn’t 🤷🏻‍♀️) how do I avoid this next time do you think he didn’t show any signs at first and I dated him 2 and half months before sleeping together , I usually date someone around 3 months before thinking of sleeping with someone ( I have had a couple long term prior relationships) so I don’t know how to avoid it but what I should of done was when the behaviour changed I should of nipped in the bud and the repeating on and off behaviour it was mostly all words with no action xx

I think you are attributing too much thought to his actions. It became to much hassle to keep stringing you along.

I've had heart break and not been completely rational after a breakup myself. I think the less head space you give him the better. In a few days/ weeks you'll have moved on.

Please block him though in case he comes back looking for sex. Then you can't be dragged in to all over again.

He is a cat , you are his mouse . He’s playing a mindless game with you. Anyone who takes a week to reply to your messages isn’t worth your time , I mean like REALLY and truly he’s not worth a seconds headspace. All this angst and handwringing for what ?… a total waster. I would absolutely block him, he knows your weaknesses and he will use them to keep you hooked . You’re not gaining anything positive from this situation, in fact the opposite , time to move on .

In terms of avoiding such games in the future, have higher expectations of men you date.
You're not their therapist or mother. If they are putting themselves first they won't change. Be careful of love bombing, gaslighting etc.
be quick to ditch and move on if they play games etc.
MN faves- 'know your worth' and 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'.

Thank you for that . Yes you’re all completely right. And also got some links aswell from others on the post that I’m going to read about the signs etc which will be helpful also. I think the analysing is to ensure this does not happen again as I really want taken in by everything and then obviously blocked after reply not doing anything. Anyone who takes a week to get back to a reply but then messages you and expects the attention I should of realised . Maybe because I’m just caring when someone tells me about their issues etc I have sympathy and maybe it made my judgement wrong I should of realised and I feel stupid that I was playing to someone’s ego or why someone would say they care so much while not even getting laid or seeing me lol , but it’s been all a lesson . I only got blocked last night so I’m assuming it will take me a few days to get over just being abit hurt and realise what’s really been happening for these last 3 months as it’s like I’ve just walked out a fog and realised xx

I haven't read the whole thread because after the first two posts your mistake became obvious. And this isn't coming from a place of judgement, weve all been there. The only thin i can say id that i'm going to give you some advice, something I learned a while ago.
When having a relationship. Any relationship even a friendship firstly you set your boundaries and then you sit back and watch. Ignore 50 percent of what people say they feel for you but watch 100 percent of how they show you they feel for you.
Quite often you'll see that the ones that don't care...well their actions will not match their words. At that point you activate the boundary that says I will not be messed around, strung along, treated as an option or give more than i get in return and you skip happily away.

@cupofdecaf

Happened to me years ago. What he got out of it- Firstly some sex Then he had you in reserve whilst he dated someone else or several other people to see how that went. He's either found someone he really likes or you've fallen off the bottom of the list as it were. Boosted his ego to stay in contact and know that you would meet up with him if he asked. He asked every now and then just to check, may have gone through with it if he didn't get a better offer. When he cancelled on you at short notice he'd got a better offer.

Absolutely agree this post ⬆️.

He's got someone else. He's blocked you to stop you phoning and messaging while he's establishing himself with another woman. He'll block you rather than be honest with you or finish things, therefore he leaves the door slightly ajar to unblock you and keep you invested. 'It's him not you' blah blah blah.

You've wasted the last 3 months hanging around for Mr Wrong and that's 3 months you could have started dating Mr Treat U Right. He messages on Tuesday (when new woman is busy) so you wait for the next message and you spend your time wondering and hoping he'll message the following Tuesday. This becomes your pattern and you hope for him to miss you and want to see you. Before you know it you've spent longer not seeing him than you did dating him.

You're worth better him. Get a prince and accept only to be treated how you deserve

@ALittleBitConfused1 you’re right , that’s spot on. Set boundaries and watch and I did and thought I was doing right thing but as soon as he wobbled I should of reminded of the boundaries I wanted someone consistently committed not casual checking in now and then and all that other behaviour after - that’s right I will take that advice . In fact I’ve taken on everyone’s advice and comments x

@Melanie2041 i think its really good that you didnt you didnt drop everything to see him last minute that showed you that he cant mess you about and that you have boundaries. You saved yourself a lot of heart ache. Definitely pat yourself on the back.

@Melanie2041 many of us have been there, got the t-shirt and worn it. See it as a life lesson. It's our lesson, particularly, what not to accept.

@femfemlicious yes! Atleast that’s something I guess for me! Yeah after so many, many weeks a few days before he blocked me he asked to see me last minute for a drink out and I said I couldn’t but arrange another day (I do honestly think he was doing this as test like I said straight after me saying I couldn’t make that night he asked was I seeing someone) - I wasn’t but if your that bothered nevsuee he said it would bother him if I was then why not date me properly like you did before lol . But yeah atleast I have some self respect I knew I just wouldn’t drop everything to see him on last min because of how he had been treating me but I kept thinking it would get better once he had his issues sorted etc and that’s the mistake I made I should of stuck to my boundaries and insisted he stay away untill he was sorted but I buffed his ego ago up 🤷🏻‍♀️ Oh well atleast I didn’t have sex with last 3 months 😝 I would of felt worse I think if sex had been involved more recently x

@forumdonkey true! I probably won’t be last either / it’s sad, what happened to just good ol fashion honest dating with no games x

He's quite possibly doing this to multiple people. He has to block you now so you won't find out. The sudden wishy washiness is really suspicious. No real reason for not wanting it to go anywhere. Suddenly he has nothing to offer you. I don't buy it.

Try to get your focus onto other things and potential new guys, Throw this one back into the pond.

@IrishKatie1971 he said to me ‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give’
I didn’t really understand the give part? But yeah at first for months he seemed to know what he Wanted for sure we wanted to be date properly …but all that changed suddenly and for last 3 months it’s been mostly calls or texts …before he blocked me the other day, it kept getting longer without communication of any sort he would go a week with out saying anything and if on the chance I sent a text for example he would ignore it that happened a few times and for the first time i asked last week ‘I texted you yesterday and you didn’t reply i was asking how one of appointments went etc’ I was being nice about it even but this had been happening he would just skip texts and he said ‘I get abit worried sometimes when I don’t reply and how it goes’ I didn’t say anything really to that reply but inside I thought wtf exactly when you don’t reply it’s ignoring then expect me be all loving towards him why wouldn’t that make me feel off after and pair it with the not seeing him only once in three months, but the prior first 2 and half months of dating everything was great and he contacted me and it was equal I didn’t expect constant just proper communication, however I felt after in total of 6 months of knowing he was making me feel from saying about the not replying to me and gets worried when he doesn’t reply even though it went many days or a week or more of silence then Is that right for me wonder what’s up? shouldn’t or ask if I sent a text why was it not replied to . The strange thing is when he acted like this I would back off completely then he would contact me again this is how I got into all this and got hurt obviously. This only happened the other day the block out of nowhere after asking to see me days before , so I’m just putting down to experience and I have appreciated everyone’s comment on here and even links people have sent me about dating flags etc. but I’m very concerned now in dating and what if this happens again as it’s never happened before this to me x

@IrishKatie1971 possibly yes the only suspicious thing he would do is change his WhatsApp settings constantly last seen off / blue ticks off - sometimes remove his profile pic this would be of and on it happened a few times were he would put settings off and on and that’s the only thing I found strange in terms of why would he be doing that 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MoreCoffeePlease2 yes do you think so? As how did I deserve to be blocked after 3 months of letting him deal with his problems and issues and not seeing me as you say do you think it is guilt the reason then he blocked me? This was the last conversation via text and then after my last reply he blocked me a few days after this:

“I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give. And then I think that is unfair on you”

I didn’t answer that message but next day he asked to see me and texted this below ⬇️ !

“ I just wanted to if you were busy now. I could do with getting out and taking you up on a hug x “

⬆️ This was the first time he asked to actually see me! He hadn’t seen me only in past 3 months! But I was busy he wanted to see me last minute ..

Mel - “I am busy this evening. I may be able to do another evening” x

‘ Ah ok. Ok let me know. Can I ask you an open question have you met anyone else?’

Mel- ‘ No I haven’t. Why have you?’

‘ No I just asking you. That’s all nothing to do with me’

Mel- ‘ why are you asking me? I’m just curious. I only dated you when we was dating’

‘I don’t know just thought you might of you are an attractive woman xx’

Mel- ‘ With you saying you didn’t know what you want I was replying to it this evening ..but with you now asking to see me, is tomorrow ok? as I am busy this evening with work x’

‘I have the kids tomorrow but I will let you know if I can. Xx’

Mel- ‘Ok that’s fine x’

Mel- ‘Can I ask you back then an open question if someone asked me for ‘coffee’ or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly? (btw I never dated anyone at same time while seeing you when we was dating I’m just asking a question like you have) x’

‘I’m not and yes it bothers me but I have no right to try and put any pressure on you not to. I’m guessing you have?’

M- ‘No I haven’t been. I haven’t dated anyone.I have been asked out on a random I didn’t go seeking it out and was asked out x

‘No it doesn’t bother me you got asked out I more thought you were saying you had been for coffee’

Mel- Oh no I haven’t been, but I’ve been asked ..I didn’t know what to think yesterday when I got that text from you I know we are not ‘dating’ I know you said you seem to not know what you want x

‘ I just feel unfair on you that’s all xx’

Mel- I know. You’re right it is unfair. I like you but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, Since 3 months ago I have seen you once when we went out for a drink , did you realise it’s been that long? I started thinking maybe you just not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆) but saying it’s unfair atleast I know you must realise the situation. Btw It’s up to you completely to want to see me I’m just saying it’s been a very long time that’s all xx’

^A few days after this he blocked me

I will move on obviously but I think I’ve been blindsided by the behaviour and then the block (it’s never happened before this to me) he would tell me he liked me during the 3 months and about his problems that I felt bad for him in ways and im just worried its happened this could it happen again , why did I not pick up on anything in this conversation to why he would drastically block me or like you said do you think it’s out of guilt?

If only dating was as easy as being able to trust what someone says. It's reasonable to start out thinking people will behave that way, especially if you are a person who does yourself. Don't change yourself, but it's a sad fact that some people do tell lies, say what they think the other person wants to hear, manipulate situations to their own ends. If you are not a person like this, it takes time and experience to realise others are sometimes.
So, what you can take from this is actions speak louder than words, you'll know better next time and time with a person shows you if they are true to their world, it's at that point you can relax and enjoy and know you've got a good reliable supportive person, which is great.

OP in the kindest possible way you need to let this go. It's a Friday evening and you are still over analysing the situation.
Focus on something else and try to have a lovely weekend.