I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

[quote Melanie2041]@supercali77 I know :( but with him still getting in contact telling me he liked me still and missed me and how much issues he had in his personal life i felt sorry for him but this went on for 3 months and it got to the stage were Just not ‘dating’ even anymore or moving forward (some commitment). Yes I really felt no of my responses warranted a block , I do agree I should of been stronger and stopped it 3 months ago. Just felt on a emotional rollercoaster these last few months I thought maybe was he commitment phobe . So what made him block me though do you think just suddenly? X[/quote]
He was just messing with you. He is a complete waste of time. Too much drama. You should be jumping for joy that he spared you the misery by blocking you. Block him do that he never contacts you again.

He is immature and downright silly.

I’m sorry this is horrible to go through. If I’m honest I feel like he was giving you huge hints that he wasn’t interested without actually saying it and you didn’t seem to be picking up on the hints so he blocked you. I think the slowing down in communication, along with comments like they’re unsure what they want/not fair on you type comments is them blowing you off, but in a cowardly way. I’m sorry this has happened.

I’m trying to answer everyone because i really , really do think it’s so kind so many people responded I’m reading all the comments and taken on board and I agree with everyone! This has been a lesson for me for sure (never been through anything like this feel like I’ve been on some rollercoaster of emotion) - when all I wanted was to date someone nice and have some nice times and I really thought it was with him but I obviously didn’t think that in these last 3 months of not seeing me but with all his words he convinced me, I was taken in ...maybe someone may read this and realise this is shat happens if your waiting around for a guy! if someone reading this in a similar situation! If a guy is saying he misses you but won’t see you properly regularly or making plans properly then there’s something up! also asking are you seeing anyone else even though he doesn’t want to commit , so now I’ve been sat here for 3 months being supportive and left myself off the shelf for an emotional unavailable guy.. more fool me! X

He’s just a weirdo. Playing games. That’s all you need to. Move on.

@Melanie2041, you deserve better and don’t think of yourself as on or off the shelf.

He’s blocked you simply because he’s a coward and doesn’t know how to call it off fully other than giving you stupid and confusing ‘hints’

@xxKatie9806xx I know you’re right - that’s what I thought were they hints? But I think I was just so confused as only days before he blocked me he was asking to see me and saying how much he liked me, (I’m naive probably haha) he would go cold and then hot again depending how he was that day literally he would go cold snd hot and I thought he was depressed over his personal issues and all that so I gave the benefit of doubt (I’m silly I know) - what can someone like him gain from asking me out and saying he likes me to only block me days later I think now he had no true intention to see me im not use to this kind of behaviour so maybe I didn’t see it properly … maybe he did all this to try keep me interested enough untill a certain point but when I said to him that I hadn’t seen him properly in 3 months (only once) it showed the crappy behaviour for what it was so he may have blocked to get away from looking crappy . .
No wonder I’m confused trying to wrap your head around within days of hot and cold behaviour to by the next week your blocked after just sending me pics of himself just a nice photo nothing sexual haha , and how much he liked me - no wonder I was confused but I see it now X

lessons learned here :( x

@Raychelle yeah :( but boy he was convincing over 3 months he would call me he would text but wouldn’t see me 🤷🏻‍♀️ Even right up to saying nice things (I got hot and cold behaviour)- that’s probably why it’s hurt because I feel now I’ve been strung along for some reason but why did he keep it going for 3 months if he had just been cold for weeks I would of known but it was the being nice then not and being nice then not and the not seeing me
Like I have said to others …Lesson learned here! I’ve been silly and abit naive Xx

Honestly OP, raise your standards. Do the Freedom project before you find yourself in a seriously dangerous relationship.

This shit isn't good for you. Leave. Block. Move on. Know your worth.

Look up a website called baggage reclaim. It's really helpful for recognising and analysing this kind of behaviour. The blowing hot and cold unpredictably can be addictive in itself so don't beat yourself up about it, just be thankful you didn't waste more time on him.

I'm currently in a casual relationship with a guy who isn't as invested as I am. I can't just be a FWB so we are coming to an end. But dealing with the messages (or lack of!!) is really hard.

Today was the first day I have felt a little better. I think, although it's like a slap in the face, it is good he has blocked you. He has made the decision for this joke of a relationship to end so you don't have to. Block him back on everything. Don't take his rejection personally - and I know full well that isn't easy - but he was not in the right space for a relationship. I would guess he has someone else from what you're saying, but who knows and it doesn't matter now.

This is not a rejection at all. This is wrong person, wrong situation, lucky escape. Curb your desire to think about him and what you would say if you could by speaking to other guys, or friends or generally do something else.

BTW I have been a mess with similar happening to me. Don't be hard on yourself if you don't feel 'fine' suddenly. You can be sad about this, pissed off and all the rest. I know I am. But trying to remember that none of it was real anyway.

@CruCru

Honestly? You’ve not been seeing this man for very long - it’s meant to be fun. This isn’t fun and you are not his therapist. Block him back and go out with someone else

Yup

Sounds to me as if hes stringing you along and has got other women in his life - his commitment issues boil down to deciding which to commit too.

Sorry this has happened to you. Better luck next time I guess xx

He's not good enough for you.

@Melanie2041 - to answer your q from above 'does he actually feel bad'. Well....no. that's the cowardliness, he knows that he IS behaving badly but doesn't actually want to deal with it, hence the faux acknowledgement of your feelings. If he actually felt bad for treating you as he did then....he wouldn't have done it. This is just lip service, he was trying to get ahead of how you felt by saying 'this is unfair to you' without really caring, so that he wouldn't have to deal with you turning to him one day saying 'hey, this is shitty for me' and then him seeming like the guilty party for stringing you along. But really, he has continued to string you along. My man here is just using you for his amusement - sure, no sex for the last few months, but you were there to be an ego stroke which for some is good enough.
Also, let's consider that he's not dealt honestly with your feelings when you've been really generous with your time and attention - this does not bode well for him dealing honestly with what he's said. Sure, no sex with you, but I would take anything he's said about the nature of his relationships with you AND others with a pinch of salt....

Sorry you got messed around my by a wanker OP 😔 As to what he got out of it, I think the ego boost of knowing that you were keener than he was and that he could have sex / a relationship with you if he wanted to.

I think he blocked you because instead of playing along and just saying “it’s all fine I really like you too”, you said that “it’s not nice” and basically called him on his behaviour a little. That wasn’t part of his game, so the game wasn’t fun for him anymore. He gave you the silent treatment and wanted you to be chasing him and desperately begging to see him. Instead you gave him the space he said he wanted, which wasn’t fun for him either. So he has ended the game and moved on to one of his other victims I expect he has many women on the go at the same time playing the same sick game. When he gets bored of them he might unblock you and start trying to revive the game so I strongly suggest you block him and delete his number..

I agree with everyone! … I think maybe I was just taken in playing on my empathy for his issues maybe? This is example of the confusion
On a Thursday- ‘I’m sorry I’m not better to you at the moment as I do really like you, I miss making you smile xx’ then nothing for a few days and then starts acting cold and distant with me then goes nice again / then on and off.
On a Tuesday - I’m don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give’ then messaging the next day on a Wednesday with - hey I was just about to message you are you free to see me’

That’s how it’s been above on repeat - no wonder I was so confused , I should of never allowed the repeating cycle liking me on a ‘Monday’ disinterested by a Wednesday and so on , on a repeat ..fool me 😅🤣xx

Oh just type FUCK OFF

@Thirtytimesround that’s sounds right :( I’ll say something though …he had some issues with well you know let’s just maintaining a certain something and seemed really insecure where I am he seems to be really important to him I was liking it and making sure I he was good for me always asking was it good etc he seemed defo insecure 🤷🏻‍♀️that I actually felt for him at the time because I know it’s probably a sensitive subject for men when that happens so I was really kind regarding it however in my prior relationships it had never happened so I was trying to be super sensitive towards … I don’t think he is a all round ‘stud’ in that kind of department x

@Amy89 that probably would of been easier for me to have done 3 months ago 😝 I should of posted on here alot sooner , it’s been so helpful reading comments because it’s put things into perspective x

Aww sorry he did that to you. Just know that you deserve to be treated better than that. Don't listen to his words ("I like you / I miss you"), look at his actions if you want to know how he really feels. If he unblocks you, please do yourself a favour and block him. Take your power back.

Op he sounds fkn weird. What a head fuck. I’m sorry he messed you around and strung you along. His words and actions did not match. ALWAYS LOOK AT THE ACTIONS. you’ve done nothing wrong here. Give yourself a little reflection time then get back in the saddle and don’t settle for messers xxx

@spotcheck

The dude's stringing you along He's not interested

agree.

Oh please Melanie!
It's the very thing isn't it? When this really nice looking person pays you some attention? I can't see you, it's MN. Please, do not let yourself get sucked into this. Sadly, I wish I had the opportunity to have a bloody talk with myself when I was younger. There is SO much that I could tell my younger self. Please take notice of what these lovely people here on MN are saying. It's experience that talks loudest. Ditch him. Block him. Also, I'm getting a new patio in March. I can make room for him in the foundations. OH! And maybe 2 more, but they will have to be squished together a bit.

[quote Melanie2041]@Thirtytimesround that’s sounds right :( I’ll say something though …he had some issues with well you know let’s just maintaining a certain something and seemed really insecure where I am he seems to be really important to him I was liking it and making sure I he was good for me always asking was it good etc he seemed defo insecure 🤷🏻‍♀️that I actually felt for him at the time because I know it’s probably a sensitive subject for men when that happens so I was really kind regarding it however in my prior relationships it had never happened so I was trying to be super sensitive towards … I don’t think he is a all round ‘stud’ in that kind of department x[/quote]
Erm have we been dating the same guy? I could have written your post. Sorry this has happened to you x