I got ‘blocked’ this evening by guy I was seeing

[Melanie2041]

I’m 29 years old been single 4 years prior started seeing this guy who is 34 years old properly for 2 1/2 months dating, going well- after 2 and 1/2 months we got to intimate (slept with each other) which we were clear we wanted to date properly but then after about a month later he said he was dealing with ‘commitment’ issue being afraid and needed some time but he really liked me nothing to do with me at all (everything was fine in the dating / relationship we got on really well- I went to his house , he did all the things that a guy interested does taking me out just being normal , but all that stopped suddenly 3 months ago when he needed this space and time and in that time I’ve only seen him once in person (no sex) this 3 months had been mostly message/ calls ; the more the many weeks went I thought ok what is this as he isn’t getting sex but he was still acting interested by still telling me he liked me / he missed me- and telephoning and messaging me ; so I was supportive because he said he had some personal issues in his life too and then these commitment fears.
this last month I noticed he had been slowing down texts and taking like a week to contact me or reply to a message.
he then texted me last week saying these words:
‘I don’t know what I want because I don’t know what I can give so then I think that’s unfair on you’

I didn’t really know what to say to that the above or really what he meant by saying ‘give’? I was thinking what to say back before I could reply he then messaged again before my reply saying suddenly he would like to see me! I was shocked as I had only seen him once in 3 months! I did say unfortunately I was working I really couldn’t see him on last minute I was busy but let’s arrange another night , (he had done this before in the 3 months and when I said yes to see him I was free he then dodged the meeting but saying he forgot he had made arrangements with one of his family members!) he then sent another text asking had I met anyone else else?! I said no I’ve been asked out but I haven’t been out but I asked why would he ask me that randomly he said he was curious he said he hadn’t met anyone either . I then asked a proper question to gage what we are I asked if someone asked me for out or something would it bother you while we are not dating properly I reassured I hadn’t dated anyone, he said it would bother him but he would never not ask me not too, I said while we seemed to be dating properly I wouldn’t ask that of him either but would feel the same (I was hoping he would say after this many months he wanted to start going back to dating me properly again) I mean after 3 months kind of was hoping 🤷🏻‍♀️
He then texts:
‘I feel unfair on you that’s all’.
and I said:
‘I know it is unfair. I like you, but the not seeing me for months it’s not nice, I have seen you once in 3 months that I’m starting to think you not that interested in me which would be fine but would rather just know 😆but it’s completely up to you to want to see me” x - I stated It like that with the smiley face and kiss etc I was trying to be friendly that if he didn’t want to properly to go back dating me and to see me anymore I’d rather just know …no reply that was 6 days ago i thought he needed space because of the silence so I thought I’ll wait for him to message but then tonight he blocked me out of know where! I just don’t understand after being understanding and waited around for 3 months he then blocks me?!
In any of the above what I said warrant a block? I feel I’ve been so understanding and nice so why ignore my message back for days then days later randomly decide to block me- anyone have any advice to why you think I was blocked , Maybe he a commitment phobe? I am hurt as I never thought he would block me… Just wanted someone to talk to about it just to voice it and write it down maybe I’m in abit of shock and healthy talking it out about how I feel over it he’s blocked me on WhatsApp and texts it seems so blocked me on everything , never had this done to me by anyone let alone a guy :( he had only told me 2 weeks ago how much he liked me and sorry he wasn’t better to me at the moment and then does that a short time after, I wasn’t bothering him he could of just ignored me or atleast said he needed time away to sort himself out the black is what I’m more upset 😢 thanks for listening guys! Kinda sat here thinking as the blocking only happened this evening

My thought is that he was dating multiple women, he liked you but not enough, hence the commitment excuse. He kept you in the background as a back up.

The minute he said about the commitment issue was your clue to exit.

Chalk it up to experience, it’s not you. Move on and learn from this.

Oh and block him too.

You’ve got too much time on your hands to give this loser headspace

@ell06 can you imagine if it was same guy omg. It’s funny I think this just happen? Certain type of guy ?- he really pursued me when we was dating really made sure I liked and after months of pursuing said I liked him I felt that is when once I was invested he started with the whole ‘commitment’ thing and all the hot and coldness it was never consistent one behaviour , if he asked for space I gave it instantly and never contacted him and then a few days later he would tell me he missed me and then the cycle continued if it had just been the strong signal of one behaviour maybe I would of clicked more? But I guess it’s a lesson to learn! And anyone else who going through something similar may see same patterns (I do feel abit taken advantage of though what I thought was supportive I was probably just enabling him treat me like that) x

You’ve done nothing wrong. From what I can tell you haven’t been in a relationship with this guy for months, even when you were together it was only for a matter of weeks. Please raise your standards. He’s either got a girlfriend or is very occasionally looking for a short notice hook up.

He is a complete feeble pain in the neck. He wanted go keep thd option open of seeing you again in a few months time if he wanted to. . You've done nothing wrong. If he contacts you again tell him to take a hike.

Some men just like to say oh I like you I want to see you so they can tell themselves they could have you anytime they wanted. Massive ego stroke for them. You can't waste time analysing his motives sometimes it's just because they are damaged goods

Oh no!!!

You sound terrified of upsetting him incase he stops throwing these crumbs to you.
You deserve more than this so why the hell are you letting him get away with it.

He has shown you so many times he is not interested so please cut him off

Against the grain here but I knew a friend of a friends years ago that struggled with maintaining certain things 😉. He was just like this. Was get into a relationship then was so so worried about it would end the relationship for fear of embarrassment. He blew hit and cold all the time. It was so incredible sad and as far as I know he never sort help. Maybe the root of his problem is this. He may really like you but is scared of his little problem.
Don’t beat yourself up he is making his choice.

You have just dodged a massive bullet, sounds very much like something a narcissistic prick would do and trust me you dont want to end up in a relationship with one of them, I did and omg i am struggling to recover xx

@PossiblyDreaming that is true , yes we was dating properly for 2 and half months and then we got to the stage after 2 and half months of sleeping together and then stopped pretty much within a month and now for last 3 months all this was going on but as said post I honestly believed him with all these family issues and then him saying commitment issues because I kept thinking of he saying he likes me but pushing me away and then pulling me back in then it sounds like he has commitment phobia instead of red flag I was trying to help him through it brining supportive but last few weeks I’ve been in agreement about Not being fair to me and maybe that’s why he started feeling maybe crappy and blocked me (that’s what we have determined in the post ) I’m hoping someone else reads this and it helps them I wish I had come on here 3 months ago x

Everything about this says 'testing' to me, testing your boundaries, testing what behaviour you will put up with. Going no/low contact or blocking is probably just part of that bigger picture.

To me a big red flag is him repeatedly raising that it is 'not fair on you' etc. This indicates that he knows his behaviour isn't acceptable, but is waiting for you to give him a green light anyway, perhaps prop up his ego, tell him you don't mind, etc.

He may genuinely have his own struggles or poor mental health, but I'd be just as willing to bet he knows what he is doing and you haven't shown yourself quite happy enough to keep bending backward. It's either another angle of the game, or he has said 'next'.

Either way, I would say 'next' too.

@JLBear12 oh really I’m sorry to hear that for you :(
And yes now that I think there was defo some elements of selfish/element of control in his personality like for example the last couple months I’ve felt when he wanted to be loving towards me it was nice but if I wanted that back and he was in his cold stage i would not receive it back, it seemed to be around his mood or situation 🤷🏻‍♀️ If he was feeling down then I would be ignored if he was feeling good he would tell me how much he misses me 🤷🏻‍♀️ Very hard to break that cycle when your in it and see what’s going on x

His found someone else, he was stringing you along incase that didn’t work out.

Don’t take offence to that, it’s so easy to see the reason why to other peoples problems, but you can never see your own! I got strung along too without realising!!

*I agree I wouldn’t of thought he would of done this to be honest it’s thrown my senses completely now too (yes I should of just stopped it 3 months ago but I was being nice and supporting him with his ‘issues’)

I don't know what you mean. You say you wouldn't have thought he would have done this = block you? It doesn't appear you really knew him as he just flaked out, so you are assuming you knew him better than you did.

Yes I think you should have stopped seeing him 3 months back. You've been the ultimate Fallback Girl. Don't be that.

@Aspiringmatriarch

Look up a website called baggage reclaim. It's really helpful for recognising and analysing this kind of behaviour. The blowing hot and cold unpredictably can be addictive in itself so don't beat yourself up about it, just be thankful you didn't waste more time on him.

I thought about this all the way through this thread so glad you have posted it. @Melanie2041 don't waste time analysing either why he did this (he's a twat, that's why) or worrying and thinking what is wrong with you and what you did wrong - focus on YOU.

He is the definition of a fuck boy. Strings you along ghosts you and will probably pop back up in a few months promising you the world only to disappear again. Block him back and never speak to him again, trust me don’t waste your time.

@melanie2041 run and run fast, I wasted 5 and a half years with someone like this, save yourself. He is testing your boundaries and playing games, at the very least hes a selfish self centred prick and at the worst he has narcissism or something similar, go save yourself xx

[quote Melanie2041]@supercali77 I know :( but with him still getting in contact telling me he liked me still and missed me and how much issues he had in his personal life i felt sorry for him but this went on for 3 months and it got to the stage were Just not ‘dating’ even anymore or moving forward (some commitment). Yes I really felt no of my responses warranted a block , I do agree I should of been stronger and stopped it 3 months ago. Just felt on a emotional rollercoaster these last few months I thought maybe was he commitment phobe . So what made him block me though do you think just suddenly? X[/quote]
@Melanie2041

He’s a flake. Don’t ever talk to him or see him again.
YOU DESERVE BETTER

@Onthefloor2 you’re right it’s so easy to not see when in it . I don’t know why he strung me along for so long though that’s what’s bugging me what did he get out of it (hence my original post) If maybe it had been one consistent behaviour I would of realised sooner I think I kept thinking ohhhh he’s being off because he’s stressed ohhh he’s being off because he said he’s afraid of commitment, I’ll give him so space as he seems to really like me after everything he said and was showing me how much he did then the hot and cold would start he likes me but ignores me for 6 days he misses me but never wanted to arrange to see me …then one month ended up to 2 month and then 3 month and then I got blocked out of nowhere …I was stuck thinking what the hell just happened felt like my head was spinning now for months 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

Really, I'm getting he said this and that, it doesn't matter a not what is said, look at the actions - or inaction in his case. Someone can tell you that you are the love of their life, but it means nothing if they treat you like crap.
You've been quite slow to react here, he was proby keeping you hanging to massage his ego and because you were entertaining it instead of binning him off. He didn't need to get the physical from you, because, most likely, he was getting it elsewhere. He's probably moved on from them still too. His actions and words both say commitmentphobe, there really is no point in trying with someone like this.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron I’m going to look up that website (I never want to be in this type of situation again) I need to learn from it . I agree the hot and cold could be seen as addictive because they so nice then without anything being said he suddenly turns cold and your left thinking what the hell going on so you get in a cycle x

@Opentooffers 100 percent look at the actions first and always you’re right the s ruins didn’t line up ‘I miss you’ but didn’t see me. ‘I really like you’ ignores me for a week then comes back with being nice then a few days later Cold . 100 percent actions didn’t match up to the words

[quote Melanie2041]@ImJustMadAboutSaffron I’m going to look up that website (I never want to be in this type of situation again) I need to learn from it . I agree the hot and cold could be seen as addictive because they so nice then without anything being said he suddenly turns cold and your left thinking what the hell going on so you get in a cycle x[/quote]
www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/30-signs-that-someone-isnt-interested-or-is-half-heartedly-interested-in-you-how-to-avoid-being-a-passing-time-candidate/

This is a good place to start.

@Opentooffers sorry that was a typo haha. I meant to say the same words didn’t line up to his actions whilst he was saying these ‘nice’ things. It’s been abit of naivety on my part I’ve had good relationships in general no one has ever treated me like this in any of my friendships / relationships or anyone - been a learning curb . I’ve said a few times since this post started I should of come on here 3 months ago 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe if I had I would of realised with everyone’s comments