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Original poster

Met a wonderful man. But...

256 replies

Hadharra · 31/01/2022 06:51

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

OP posts:
ladycarlotta · 31/01/2022 10:39

I had a friend like this. Absolutely lovely, lovely person but his dates would end the relationship because of the smell of his clothes - like you it wasn't BO or anything, it was genuinely because his clothes had sat damp. Several of the women were my friends so I knew their reasons for not seeing him any more, but everyone in our circle noticed the smell - just didn't have to tolerate it so intimately. A girlfriend must have set him straight because he doesn't smell like that any more.

I think if he's great in other ways, you need to find a way of broaching this one issue. It is not akin to becoming his mother or domestic drudge. Someone needs to tell him and if it's jeopardising your relationship anyway it might as well be you. I would note, have you been into his house? Do you know that it's generally well run, reasonably clean etc? Because if the issue extends beyond this and he lives in a total shit pit, that's probably your line in the sand. It is not your responsibility to sort out a manchild.

Tricked2003 · 31/01/2022 10:41

He could have a smelly washing machine........it can make the clothes smell if they are left in there wet for even a short time. My mother had this issue with her machine but once it was given a thorough clean and the seals were scrubbed it was fine.

Howareyouflower · 31/01/2022 10:41

If I were you, I wouldn't mention that he always smells. I would just say "Your jumper smells a bit musty today. How did you dry it? Did you leave it in the machine a few days?"

Chuechebache · 31/01/2022 10:50

He needs to clean his washing machine!he probably never cleaned the machine and the smell can be really bad and all his clothes will smell like mould.please tell him to clean his washing machine.After that you can marry himGrin

MrsLargeEmbodied · 31/01/2022 10:51

it is just how he dries his washing by the sounds of things

redambergreengo · 31/01/2022 10:51

Have you been to his house? I have a friend just the same and the mouldy damp smell permeates her clothes. I think it's because she never opens windows and the house is perhaps damp or at least her wardrobe it.

Siouxtse1 · 31/01/2022 10:53

Dehumidifiers are one of the most underrated appliances in existence. They are really good at lowering the moisture content of a room, so ideal for wherever you are drying clothes if you don't use a tumble dryer/ it's too cold and damp outside. Drying clothes inside on radiators will instantly increase the amount of moisture in the room, this can then condense on the walls, causing damp.

I live in an old, uninsulated house (an unloved and neglected rental) and I move two dehumidifiers around the house to prevent mould, mildew and condensation building up. I open the windows for an airing every day, but this can also cause cold spots when the cold air meets the warm inside the walls. But the change of air is necessary, otherwise the building smells of old house!

Dehumidifiers are also brilliant at helping to speed up drying times when decorating (plastering, painting, tiling etc). I hope you and your partner will be very happy together once you've persuaded him to buy one!

BorderCollieMum · 31/01/2022 10:58

@Siouxtse1can you recommend a good dehumidifier? (Sorry for threadjack but hopefully relevant!)

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 31/01/2022 10:59

We had issues with this when we first moved to this house - both professionals who know how to “adult” - and it was the fitted wardrobe in our bedroom which backs on to an external wall. The fix was to move DP’s clothes mostly into the spare room wardrobe, I now vacuum pack out of season stuff, and we have those damp catcher things in there. We live in an old granite property and it is just a cold, sealed space which was filled too full. We did figure it out pretty quickly in fairness, but the answer to the problem was very easy.

tara66 · 31/01/2022 11:01

Old mothball smell? I bought an antique chest some time ago. Previous owner had clearly used mothballs in the drawers - it still smells of mothballs many years later.

TheUndoingProject · 31/01/2022 11:01

My house has a slight mould problem and with no dryer we have to dry clothes inside in the winter (with a dehumidifier etc). I hope very much this isn’t an issue for me, but if it was I would much rather someone had a conversation with me about it rather than just ending an otherwise promising relationship. I don’t think it means he’s inherently lazy/unclean!

Ninkanink · 31/01/2022 11:05

FGS some people on this thread are being absolutely ridiculous. I’m as feminist as you can get and I am extremely harsh on enabling incompetence in men, but come on!

Clothes smelling musty happens very easily if they are dried in less than optimal situations. And it’s actually not always easy to tell that they smell if you’re used to it. He’s not automatically filthy/disgusting/lazy!

@Hadharra you didn’t help yourself with responses to this thread, mind, by saying that he smells! It’s not him that smells, as you’ve now clarified - it’s his clothing.

He needs to dry with heat if he can as in the cold it will definitely keep happening because the clothes will take too long to dry and will start to smell. A dehumidifier will also help a lot. The room needs airing often too.

MrsIglesias · 31/01/2022 11:09

It's probably musty clothes which is easy to have happen and doesn't say anything about cleanliness or anything else. You can bring up further down the line in kind loving way. Hilarious that some people are suggesting ditching over this!

Justilou1 · 31/01/2022 11:10

You haven’t said how old he is or really described him @Hadharra, but I have two theories to throw at you. Both of them a bit more scientific than blaming his personal hygiene or laundry habits.
The first theory is that he is exuding above-average levels of Diacetyl. This is often described as a “popcorn or buttery” smell, and often attributed to old men, but is in fact most often produced at it’s peak levels by men in their 30’s and 40’s. It’s caused by a reaction between the naturally-occurring skin bacteria and their sweat, and is most noticeable on their heads and faces, chest and back. (Does his pillow stink too?). A diet rich in licorice (the plant, not the sweet), fennel and dill, and products containing those oils can help reduce this chemical. (I’m not being hippy dippy, it cancels out that smell.)

The other is a fungal problem caused by an overgrowth of naturally-occurring Malassezia yeasts on the body. (This is usually accompanied by a rash or alongside acne… Often this is the result of over-use of antibiotics or antibacterial cleansers.) This one would need a trip to a dermatologist and specialist treatment. My son has this one and he smells like cheesy feet, and so does his whole room. (He is also 15, and this is the peak time for this to kick in - acne, summer here jn Aus, and we live in an exceptionally humid place as well. He has been recently adhering to the protocol better and things are improving.)

Either way, there’s hope!

BiscuitLover3678 · 31/01/2022 11:13

Gross washing machine probably. He’ll want to know. Awkward at first but he needs to sort it.

You could say hmm this top smells a bit odd! So it’s less about him.

IsThePopeCatholic · 31/01/2022 11:13

Clothes, or maybe he is drying himself with damp towels. Don’t dump him! Get to the root of the problem.

Nsky · 31/01/2022 11:16

Cold / cool washes not great, hot washes best

MadrigalCorp · 31/01/2022 11:16

I have this problem sometimes, I live in a cold damp house and sometimes thicker clothing takes a while to dry especially in winter. A hot wash sorts it. It's usually dark colours, but that may be because I put them on a cooler wash so the colour doesn't run. I'm a clean person and look after my personal hygiene.

He might not realise so speak to him, it seems silly to throw away a good relationship. I'd rather someone told me if my clothes were smelly!

Siouxtse1 · 31/01/2022 11:25

My best one is a homebase portable dehumidifier WDH-716DE-16R. Not sure if they are still available, I've had it for at least 8 years, probably more. It was about £180 when I purchased it, but I was renovating a damp house and it's saved a fortune over the years.

I can't get to the other one at the moment, as the plasterers are working in the next room (only because part of the ceiling fell in, the landlords haven't suddenly decided they do want to look after the place!). That's only about two years old, a bit smaller and quieter (also from Homebase, I believe), but it doesn't draw the moisture in so quickly.

Whichever make/model you buy, clean the air filters with a toothbrush regularly (a bit like remembering to wash your vacuum filter every so often to keep it efficient) and don't forget to empty the bucket if you aren't going to be using it for a while (going on holiday for example).

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 11:33

Surely kissing and hugging and snuggling and sex is important part of a relationship to varying degrees, especially in early days

How the heck has this dimension been op??

billy1966 · 31/01/2022 11:34

White vinegar can help but often the smell cannot be removed.

A one off smelly wash left too long in the machine can be saved with a bottle of while vinegar, but if it is repeatedly dried in, it isn't removable IMO.

inheritancetrack · 31/01/2022 11:38

It's his clothing. Left in a washing machine makes them smell, or very slow drying in a cold room will do it. A very thick jumper of mine took ages to dry as you can't tumble or do a fast spin, and it smelled horrible so had to refashion it.

Just tell him He's probably used to it and doesn't notice.

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 11:39

Surely the op could confirm whether it was his clothing
Because presuming they’ve been in bed together
In a state of undress
He didn’t smell!

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 11:40

But as she’s made no mention of this
How can so many be so sure that it’s his clothing!

Mxflamingnoravera · 31/01/2022 11:50

Does he live in accommodation which is damp?

If there is mould where he lives it will permeate all his clothes.

If he lives in rented accommodation where making changes to how it is ventilated or if he is on a low income which means heating the place or running a dehumidifier are one expense too many this could explain the smell.

I have a friend whose place is rented, on a pre pay meter, has v little heating and close to a busy road on the ground floor. It also has damp issues which the landlord refuses to sort out. This makes keeping windows open difficult because of security and road fumes, his room gets mould on the walls and his clothes smell. In winter he has to dry his clothes indoors. We got him a second hand dehumidifier which he runs and it helps.

But sadly he's caught in the trap of not being able to afford anywhere better and terrified that if he makes a fuss, his tenancy will be ended. So he lives with the mouldy smell and cold and the damp. It's heartbreaking that people have to live like that.