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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a wonderful man. But...

256 replies

Hadharra · 31/01/2022 06:51

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

OP posts:
leafcuttingwhale · 31/01/2022 09:01

[quote Progress2019]@leafcuttingwhale occasionally you need to do a really hot wash, just because nowadays we wash things on cooler washes, so we need to clear any residue from the pipes.

Also if you use your drawer, they get filthy. Take it out and give it a scrub

Every so often run your finger around the seal and make sure it’s not full of bits of playmobil, hair, teeny shells and soggy bits of tissue

There’s a filter at the bottom of your machine too, which you can venture into if you’re brave or if your machine isn’t draining properly. In my experience (ok it happened once) a hair clip was stuck there.[/quote]
That's brilliant! Thanks so much for taking the time to share this!

Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 09:01

@JoyfulDay

why would you introduce him to your son if you weren't sure!
Ffs this thread isn't even about that is it. My son was 2.5 when we first started dating, he also had a 3 year old son. I'm a lone parent with a full time job and he has 50/50 care so decided to do play dates after a couple of months. Is that OK?
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 09:02

@SnotRags

Next time you see him suddenly screw your nose up and say “what IS that smell??” … have a good sniff around, sniff yourself, sniff the sofa, sniff the dog or whatever and finally sniff him and then say “Christ it’s you!! What have you washed your clothes in?? They stink!”

That’s what I’d do, that way you’re not saying HE smells, just that his clothes smell.

This is probably the rudest way to go about it. Don't do this.
MostIneptThatEverStepped · 31/01/2022 09:02

Could be shoes...happened on a date where he was telling me how proud he was of his ancient DMs.
I suddenly realised...that's what the smell is! 😑

mewkins · 31/01/2022 09:03

Suggest a dehumidifier or heated clothes area. I reckon that will sort the problem.

annlee3817 · 31/01/2022 09:03

Our filter was blocked on our washing machine and made our clothes smell like this, I kept taking them to my mum's to wash there as couldn't work out when, then we checked the filter and it was grim 🤢 we also struggled to dry stuff in our flat. Now we're in a house we never have this issue, I'd day definitely the machine or the way he washes and dries

Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 09:05

@HomeHomeInTheRange

He knows full well how his stuff gets washed. The Magic Woman who has taken on his household drudgery for him rather than put her advice into practice himself. He really isn’t stupid, is he?
Who are you talking to here?
OP posts:
Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 09:05

@HomeHomeInTheRange

He knows full well how his stuff gets washed. The Magic Woman who has taken on his household drudgery for him rather than put her advice into practice himself. He really isn’t stupid, is he?
Cross posted sorry!
OP posts:
MostIneptThatEverStepped · 31/01/2022 09:07

@mewkins

Suggest a dehumidifier or heated clothes area. I reckon that will sort the problem.
This is a good idea
2022IamHavingYa · 31/01/2022 09:09

I have had the same OP. This guy, it was his house. Such a shame! Great guy, beautiful house but smells so fusty! Whenever I went round there were never any windows open, there was always washing drying over the banister or dining chairs (sheets, towels etc) and it was the kind of fuggy smell you could smell on yourself after leaving. He'd come over to mine and I could smell where he sat on the sofa. It was a no for me as not something I could ever see changing and he'd need a full house redecoration and new carpets to get the smell out.

We stayed friends and I still have coffee there occasionally, but always make sure I am wearing something that can go straight in the wash and I have time to wash my hair!

I don't remember it always being like that though. We met a couple of years ago when he had just moved into the house. It seems to be more the last year its gotten worse. He could easily get a tumble drier in his ginormous garage though, so no idea why he comes to dry such large and wet items over the banister

Feedingthebirds1 · 31/01/2022 09:09

OP if he cares so much about his personal hygiene he's going to be mortified at first if you tell him - but also grateful. You have nothing to lose by having a gentle conversation if you're thinking of ending it anyway, so tell him. You have a solution - it's his clothes not him, so it's about how he washes and dries them and you can talk him through how to avoid it - so it's not like you're just saying 'you stink'.

Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 09:10

Have you had sex yet? Kissed? Must be profoundly unpleasant

saleorbouy · 31/01/2022 09:13

Maybe head round to his house with some Calgon in your handbag.
It's likely debris in the door seals and filter, see if you can check these.
Drying over a prolonged period is not going to help odour issues either. A heated drying rail perhaps.
I had a house share friend with a similar issues, it turned out that clothes were over stacked on radiators in their room and never properly dried at the seals and waistbands.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 31/01/2022 09:13

@2022IamHavingYa

I have had the same OP. This guy, it was his house. Such a shame! Great guy, beautiful house but smells so fusty! Whenever I went round there were never any windows open, there was always washing drying over the banister or dining chairs (sheets, towels etc) and it was the kind of fuggy smell you could smell on yourself after leaving. He'd come over to mine and I could smell where he sat on the sofa. It was a no for me as not something I could ever see changing and he'd need a full house redecoration and new carpets to get the smell out.

We stayed friends and I still have coffee there occasionally, but always make sure I am wearing something that can go straight in the wash and I have time to wash my hair!

I don't remember it always being like that though. We met a couple of years ago when he had just moved into the house. It seems to be more the last year its gotten worse. He could easily get a tumble drier in his ginormous garage though, so no idea why he comes to dry such large and wet items over the banister

Maybe now that you're friends you could talk to him about it? In a friendly, jokey way but so that he gets the message? Seems like it would be a kind thing to do if it's as bad as it sounds.
HermioneGrangersHair · 31/01/2022 09:13

@Planetzero

I have a friend who lived in a damp/musty flat. If I visited even for an hour I would smell of it, even in my hair. My ex used to be able to smell it on me too when I came home. I would have to shower and wash my hair straight away as it was so unpleasant.
I was just going to say the same. It may be the washing machine and the way he dries his washing but it may be the smell from his house- you say he’s moving soon ? Why not wait until that happens to see if things change. We have a couple of friends who’s house is damp and smells of damp pretty much all year around. We we go there our clothes smell when we get home - I have to wash them and my hair afterwards it’s very noticeable once I get home. ( a bit like in the days when smoking was allowed in pubs - and the next morning your clothes smelled of smoke - this is the same type of thing) And, when they come around here they / their clothes smell the same. Everyone must notice but no one has ever said anything in our group of friends. It’s just how it is.
silverbubbles · 31/01/2022 09:14

It also could be that the machine needs to have a clean. I switched to using 'capsules' for a while and you get a build up of conditioner and gunk in the machine.

He may also need to run a hot wash with bleach to clean the machine.

Adatwistscientist · 31/01/2022 09:19

I'd do it so it sounded like a new thing. "Oh your clothes smell musty today" that way it won't seem like he's stank for eternity. Then you can ask how he dries them, then you can suggest a heated airer and if he ignores it you can say "nope they're still really musty" and then if he ignores it again you can dump him knowing you gave him a few chances.

Bonnealle · 31/01/2022 09:23

I think his house has damp. Get him to buy or ask his landlord for a dehumidifier. This happened to my sister, all her clothes smelt like this and it was due to damp.

SnotRags · 31/01/2022 09:24

Chase him around with a bottle of febreeze, make a game out of it so it doesn’t seem insulting.

Namast3 · 31/01/2022 09:25

Sorry you'll be on mumsnet in a years time saying how he's let himself go and how unhygienic he is. Let this one go.

JadedSoJaded · 31/01/2022 09:25

I had a BF like this. He was a skinflint, so barely heat his house. All washing stank, so by default he stank. He also didn’t realise that washing machines/dish washers etc need a hot wash sporadically. Symptomatic of general domestic incompetence in middle age. Very unattractive.

covilha · 31/01/2022 09:25

Some kind of medication ?
Is it his diet?

HumousWhereTheHeartIs · 31/01/2022 09:32

Could it just be a sort of natural scent he has? My friend used to go out with a lovely guy but when he hugged me or even sat next to me, I found his smell completely repulsive. He didn't really smell bad. It was very odd.

BoodleBug51 · 31/01/2022 09:33

We've got a Lakeland heated airer that DH is "helpfully" obsessed with switching off Hmm. If he does this, and the clothes are on there damp for a few days they have to be rewashed as it smells fousty.

I also use dettol laundry sanitiser on bedding/fleeces/towels etc as they can always get a bit whiffy if not totally dry when put away.

ponkydonkey · 31/01/2022 09:37

Friend of mine moved to a house that smelt of damp too... all her clothes smelt mouldy after a while too!
It's was a 1950's house with quite a lot of trees and moss on the roof.
She didn't smell like that before... so maybe when he moves it will improve