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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a wonderful man. But...

256 replies

Hadharra · 31/01/2022 06:51

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

OP posts:
Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 07:22

I’m guessing he is a loner and doesn’t have any friends or lose family?

QuiteAtALoss · 31/01/2022 07:22

@Toanewstart22

He’s no wonderful op He really really isn’t
He can't do basic adulting! This is a life skill and you aren't his mum, op.
Toanewstart22 · 31/01/2022 07:23

Imagine him as a colleague OP
He will be the harmless guy but everyone avoids he smells out the office
Imagine lying in bed with him
Curled up on the sofa
Shudder

Stormwhale · 31/01/2022 07:24

Honestly if your choices are giving up on a relationship or having an awkward conversation, what have you got to lose? You might as well speak to him, lay it all out there and see if you can salvage this.

girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 07:25

@Toanewstart22

Imagine him as a colleague OP He will be the harmless guy but everyone avoids he smells out the office Imagine lying in bed with him Curled up on the sofa Shudder
3 nasty posts about a man who just needs to dry his clothes differently? How lovely...
ApolloandDaphne · 31/01/2022 07:25

My SIL & BIL smell like that. It comes off their clothes. They are functional and intelligent adults but they are obviously used to their clothing smelling that way and don't notice it. I don't think it is a deal breaker. Just gently let him know his clothes aren't smelling as fragrant as he does and suggest how he could remedy this. He probably just doesn't notice it himself.

Northernsoullover · 31/01/2022 07:26

True story. There is a lovely looking guy in my social circle. We all fancied him a bit but he stunk of BO. We used to say it'll be in his t shirts (like sports kit) . Anyway he started dating this lovely woman and we wondered how she would put up with it. We saw them out together recently and he was sporting a new shirt. She'd obviously had a quiet word and thought he was worth it! It's the first time we had seen him without the terrible smell. Have a word if you like him enough.

QuiteAtALoss · 31/01/2022 07:26

Oh, come on. Why are women so eager to try to fix men? Hmm

Northernparent68 · 31/01/2022 07:27

It’s easy to say tactfully, say you’re clothes smell musty or when you see the clothes drying in a cold room point out that’s not a good way of drying clothes.

If he has got room for a tumble dryer consider a heated clothes rail

SeaisBlue · 31/01/2022 07:28

OP please just have the convo with him as your relationship has potential. Just say you’ve noticed a slightly damp smell on his clothes and wondered if his washing machine might need cleaning - to kick start it off. A friend has married someone with the same problem and ended up dumping his clothes as smell couldn’t be washed out and he’s got a new wardrobe. Men just aren’t taught about this stuff by their mums sometimes - at least yours washes his clothes, I’m like the house laundrywoman! Good luck!

FlamingRoses · 31/01/2022 07:28

Is just saying ‘your clothes aren’t smelling so good, do you need a machine or maybe a tumble drier?’ Easy.

girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 07:28

@QuiteAtALoss

Oh, come on. Why are women so eager to try to fix men? Hmm
Why are women so eager to end an otherwise lovely relationship for something that's so easily fixable?

There's so much bitterness towards men here. If you don't want to have a basic conversation with a man then fine, but OP actually really likes this one.

expatmigrant · 31/01/2022 07:29

The usual typical MN comments here.
Just grab the bull by the horns and talk to him about it. Check his washing machine and what he uses to wash his clothes. Once that kind of smell gets in to the washing it can be quite difficult to get rid off. He might not be using enough washing powder. Give his washing machine a good beach clean.
It might really be that simple and not worth losing a lovely man over.

mostlydrinkstea · 31/01/2022 07:29

Another thought. I know someone who smells off and musty. He is an alcoholic. He hid it for decades and it seems to be worse when he is cutting back. It comes through his skin. Have you been with him for long enough periods of time to spot if he is drinking a lot or if he eats strong smelling foods which could be making his sweat smell off. I suspect it would be fine after a shower but go downhill quite rapidly. It is an odd smell.

Copasetic · 31/01/2022 07:29

When I was first married, we would dry our clothes on a non-heated aired and they always smelt. We learned not to do that. Now they go on radiators and in the tumble dryer in the winter.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 31/01/2022 07:30

So, you’re seeing my grown up son then op. 😉 (except I had this conversation with him at Christmas)
Honestly, when I was a student, living in a cold damp shitty flat our clothes were like this. Mum had to tell us. We survived.

Original poster
Hadharra · 31/01/2022 07:30

@QuiteAtALoss

Oh, come on. Why are women so eager to try to fix men? Hmm
I'm hardly trying to fix him am I. He has a weird smell that he probably can't smell anymore and I have very sensitive smell anyway. He is popular and has a lot of friends and close family. He works full time, volunteers with two charities, pays his bills, is in the process of buying a house, owns a car, has a wonderful relationship with his son's mother and step - dad which is a huge green flag, he's kind, he's funny, etc etc. I'm not trying to fix him he just smells funny 🙄
OP posts:
Wishbub · 31/01/2022 07:30

I used to work with a man with this problem. I could smell when he walked into the office. Agree with above- it's his clothes. I suspect its a combination of a dirty washing machine and clothes not drying quickly enough. He needs to clean the machine he's using and then work out a way to dry his clothes much more quickly- either invest in a tumble dryer or heated airer. Good luck!

pictish · 31/01/2022 07:31

Just tell him his clothes smell of damp and mildew. It’s common enough and he won’t have realised.

Iwonder08 · 31/01/2022 07:31

Tell him you think there might be a problem with his washing machine and mould. That you had a neighbour/cousin/colleague who had mould smelling clothes and it was caused by the washing machine and you've noticed his clothes sometimes smells of mould. Tell him how this neighbour you invented fixed the problem. It feels less personal if it is appliance's fault and not just BO

Benjispruce5 · 31/01/2022 07:31

You can talk about it, you’re not saying he smells but that his clothes are musty. Easy fix.

Desmondo2021 · 31/01/2022 07:31

I genuinely don't think it's even a difficult conversation. Just tell him his clothes smell funny. If he's genuinely as good at personal hygiene as you say he is he will want to know and will do whatever it takes to fix it. It's really not a big deal, or offensive to him, it's just a statement of fact

Desmondo2021 · 31/01/2022 07:32

Also, how he reacts and deals will give an interesting insight into parts of his character you may not know about yet!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 31/01/2022 07:32

Oh and dh was complaining recently that all his clothes smelt like this. We used washing machine cleaner, some Calgon, cleaned out the powder drawer and a boil wash with zoflora, and jobs a good un.

Feelingoktoday · 31/01/2022 07:32

I have this problem in the winter. If I don’t unload the washing machine immediately then the clothes smell mouldy. I bought an electric drier too as the clothes were taking too long to dry.