Met a wonderful man. But...

[Hadharra]

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

@HappyAsASandboy

It will be his clothes - not using enough detergent in each wash is my guess.

For those saying about leaving things sitting in the machine too long; they don't get smelly if they're washed properly with the full dose of powder. If they're properly clean then even leaving them 24 hours waiting to be hung up won't make them smell.

I disagree. In the winter it does. I don’t get it in the summer. It’s because mould starts growing and then it takes too long to dry. Nothing to do with my powder.

Have you spent time in his home? Might be his wardrobe - damp.

@corlan wins the internet today

OP, sounds like you’ve found a good one! I’d do him a favour & tell him straight, be honest but kind & I’m sure all will be well - good luck!

It'll be his clothes. He needs to use an extra scoop or detergent and a bit more softener I'd say. Also to not leave them in the washer for ages after the cycle has finished. Bet he doesn't notice it really anymore but I do think it'll be his clothes.

I wouldn’t do any of the faux ‘ooh did you know I had this problem’. I would just tell him you’ve got something a bit difficult to say, but because you like him you’re going to say it.

If he runs off, you’ll have saved yourself from someone that doesn’t like reality!

He knows full well how his stuff gets washed. The Magic Woman who has taken on his household drudgery for him rather than put her advice into practice himself. He really isn’t stupid, is he?

Sorry, that was to @Dogstar78

Use some pretext to get him some dettol laundry cleaner!

Had a bachelor friend who smelled like this - he lived in older house and dried clothes on rack and he rarely opened windows. He didn’t realise and he was impeccable re dress and hygiene. He was also quite confident and borderline arrogant so I never said anything as I wasn’t sure if he’d be offended.
It’s whether he’d take kindly to being told I suppose and that it wouldn’t change your relationship dynamic. But I agree a strong damp smell is very invasive for me too.

I put a dishwasher tablet in the drum and then do the hottest wash (obviously with no clothes in it!) to clean the washing machine.

OP, this is easily fixable. Just casually throw it out there that you can smell mould, sniff his sleeve and say oh, it’s your sweater / shirt and then say it must be how you’re drying your clothes. He’s obviously a clean guy with a poor sense of smell! Don’t dump a seemingly great guy over his lack of laundry skills, that would be an utterly ridiculous thing to do. If they guy had terrible breath or shocking BO, that’s different, it shows a lack of hygiene. Your scenario is different. Unless he smells of mould when naked, then he’s screwed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just tell him.If you can smell it then the chances are work colleagues etc can too.

Drying clothes in a cold room on an airer means it can take days to dry them.He needs a dehumidifier.

It’s insulting re “adulting”. Not all of us had mother’s or fathers around to teach us how to dust or wash clothes. I agree people need to learn but if you don’t know there is a problem how can you learn?

Before your ditch the guy, check out the laundry machine. I doubt most single guys would ever clean the washing machine, and this as others have said is the likely culprit. Other laundry habits like leaving wet clothes in the machine overnight and forget I hang out straight away after the wash finishes also creates this nasty odour.

Females have a strong nose for mould and the rank wet dog smell, or damp musty clothes is simply just off putting.

Causes of a smelly washing machine, excess residue washing liquid in the machine (leaves a soap scum on clothes) or internal door rubber seal, soap dispensing unit and mould in the general machine drum are the likely issues.

Recommend washing soda crystals and a hot wash (no clothes just to clean out the machine). Also, his clothes may need a few fresh washes to rid the damp smell. Good luck before valentines!!!

@mostlydrinkstea

Another thought. I know someone who smells off and musty. He is an alcoholic. He hid it for decades and it seems to be worse when he is cutting back. It comes through his skin. Have you been with him for long enough periods of time to spot if he is drinking a lot or if he eats strong smelling foods which could be making his sweat smell off. I suspect it would be fine after a shower but go downhill quite rapidly. It is an odd smell.

This is the first thought I have too

I have the same sort of friend- he smells of strange things depending on how much or little he is drinking- it can range from musty mould to nail varnish remover

@HomeHomeInTheRange

He knows full well how his stuff gets washed. The Magic Woman who has taken on his household drudgery for him rather than put her advice into practice himself. He really isn’t stupid, is he?

@HomeHomeInTheRange Some people genuinely don't know there is an issue. Some people don't know how to solve said issue. Not every man is incapable of doing things as the majority of people on here seem to believe

@purpleplan

My teen ds had this problem due to washing powder. Around 14/15 he complained that his clean clothes were always smelly. Mine were fine with the same drying procedure, so we worked out that my mild non-bio couldn’t cope with teen sweat and deodorant residue. I switched to scented bio liquid for his clothes and it solved the problem. Also I never use the quick wash settings for him.

this is true for my teen ds too.

I can't use a 30 degree washwith his clothes in, especially if they include gym stuff.

Next time you see him suddenly screw your nose up and say “what IS that smell??” … have a good sniff around, sniff yourself, sniff the sofa, sniff the dog or whatever and finally sniff him and then say “Christ it’s you!! What have you washed your clothes in?? They stink!”

That’s what I’d do, that way you’re not saying HE smells, just that his clothes smell.

God I really can't imagine dumping someone for such a minor issue if it's just his clothes. I've told someone I didn't like their deodorant before (no one over 15 should ever wear Lynx IMO) and he just changed it - really no huge issue. If his a drinker then that's a whole other ballgame.

He may be completely unaware he smells to correct it, many people can’t smell themselves. Are you able to bring this up in a gentle way? It seems quite drastic to finish things because his washing machine may not be cleaning his clothes properly.

What would concern me is that previous to op….no one has cared enough about him to tell him

[quote Suprima]@girlmom21 it’s not bitterness- it’s the fact that my clitoris would shrivel up the moment I had to teach a man how to wash his own clothes [/quote]
Sheez. He might be doing the washing fine, but not realise that the machine has got musty. Some people are much less sensitive to smells than others. If he can't smell what the OP is smelling, how would he know?

Maybe get him to run a 90 degree wash before you LTB, OP?

Don't bin an otherwise good boyfriend for a simple teachable moment.

Maybe no-one's ever told him that laundry can smell if a) left in the washing machine b) takes to long to dry or c) stored where there is damp. He's accustomed to the smell and isn't aware of the problem. He's probably worked out laundry on his own and hasn't learned all the little hints, tips and cheats OMG does he leave it to get darked on???

I'd start by saying that todays clothes smell like they didn't dry fast enough - you do smell it on his clothes sometimes. Then ask him if he leaves it in the machine or hangs it in a cold room. If he's a good man it will be a blip of embarrassment and then he'll sort it and you can move on and never think on it again. If he's a twat you have a lucky escape (and not because of the smell).

Zoflora in the wash stops this in my experience. Buy him a bottle and wax lyrical about it??

Its likely he needs to clean out his washing machine. We have a family friend who is a single man who stays at our house when we are away - I think he leaves his washing in the machine as when I get back sometimes the machine stinks and I read its bacteria and I have to clean it out or things smell. Or I am guessing he is just leaving things in the machine too long before he hangs them out.