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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Met a wonderful man. But...

256 replies

Hadharra · 31/01/2022 06:51

He smells! I don't know what it is, but it's almost like mould. He showers once a day and twice if he's been at work. When I've spent a few days with him his hygiene is impeccable. I'm not sure if it's because he eats a lot of garlic, has a mould problem, or leaves his hair wet etc, but I don't think I can do it. Wtf do I do? I can't dump someone I Really like and could actually see myself settling down with, who my son likes, because he smells? Do I tell him? Ffs this is so daft!

OP posts:
PossiblyDreaming · 31/01/2022 08:11

@AnnaSW1 you can smell Parkinson’s? That’s amazing. My dad could smell rain and cancer and was never wrong.

Pinkandpink · 31/01/2022 08:11

My towels and some clothes smell like that when my machine needs cleaned. I found the machine pods cause this.

CaptainMyCaptain · 31/01/2022 08:11

@FirstTimeSecondTime

Could it be a residual smell from his house or clothes. Does his house smell? Is he not drying or storing his clothes properly?
This was my guess. He's putting his clothes away damp.
halfsiesonapotnoodle · 31/01/2022 08:13

He just needs a dehumidifier in the room where he dries his clothes. They won't dry properly without warmth and ventilation, or a means of taking away the dampness and that's why there's a mildew smell.

SunnyLeaf · 31/01/2022 08:14

I agree sounds like mould/Mildrew Smile

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 31/01/2022 08:15

OP. He sounds nice. And worry persevering. I’m laughing at what you said about the smell “doesn’t smell like a human smell”. Maybe he’s not human?

girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 08:17

[quote Suprima]@girlmom21 it’s not bitterness- it’s the fact that my clitoris would shrivel up the moment I had to teach a man how to wash his own clothes Confused[/quote]
It's not teaching him to wash his clothes. It's letting him know they smell damp.

I think id rather be with someone whose clothes smell a bit musty than someone who makes such crude comments about something so basic and easily fixable.

purpleplan · 31/01/2022 08:19

My teen ds had this problem due to washing powder. Around 14/15 he complained that his clean clothes were always smelly. Mine were fine with the same drying procedure, so we worked out that my mild non-bio couldn’t cope with teen sweat and deodorant residue. I switched to scented bio liquid for his clothes and it solved the problem. Also I never use the quick wash settings for him.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 31/01/2022 08:21

Just sniff his clothes, say “is there something the matter with your washing machine? Your clothes smell a bit musty! That happened to me when the machine needed cleaning or clothes stayed damp too long”. If he says ‘no all fine’ say “are you using a hot wash with enough detergent then? I thought I smelled something the other day but ignored it and now I just caught it again from your top…LOL it definitely isn’t you, but I thought it might be your clothes”.

My friend washes everything at 30 all the time with some Eco stuff, and her fleeces smell fusty.

leafcuttingwhale · 31/01/2022 08:21

@Pinkandpink

My towels and some clothes smell like that when my machine needs cleaned. I found the machine pods cause this.
At the risk of being derided for not knowing how to do basic adulting (and yes I am a woman), how does one clean a washing machine? I've never heard of this! Do you use soapy water and just wash around the drum?
Progress2019 · 31/01/2022 08:22

I totally agree with @girlmom21. It’s unbelievable how horrible people are being.

If you read and believed all the posts on here, you’d think most men are rubbish. They cheat and they lie, and they’re selfish and they’re rubbish dads. The OP really likes this man, and the one thing spoiling it is something very easily changed. He doesn’t notice the smell, the same way people with pets don’t, but this is such, SUCH an easy fix. Op has already said he’s hygienic, he’s just nose blind to his laundry. His machine might be old and manky, but more likely he leaves his washing in the machine too long.

roastingmichael · 31/01/2022 08:23

I would probably have chickened out of saying anything and just dumped him when I was single because it's a hard conversation to have.

Given everything you've said about him though, I do think you should gently tell him.

Sounds like he's worth the discomfort and if he reacts badly or doesn't nothing to sort it, it's still the same outcome but at least you tried.

KineticSand · 31/01/2022 08:24

It's definitely musty washing, plus maybe some t shirts he's had for years and years that need to be replaced. Sometimes they get past the point of being able to get rid of the stink. This can happen with towels as well, and then you are rubbing a smell onto your cleaned body.

I dated a bloke with this exact issue. He was amazed when I explained the science of mildew/ mould etc (this man had a PhD but in economics). He chucked away several ancient t shirts and smelled lovely afterwards.

I dumped him for being a misogynistic twat a few months later but at least he didn't stink anymore.

HoppingPavlova · 31/01/2022 08:25

It’s the clothes. He’s leaving them too long in the machine most likely.

My DH did this on first moving in and taking on the washing. I would get to work and after a while would begin to stink, I was mortified, realised it was the clothes once they had a bit of body heat to get the smell going, and couldn’t figure out why. I grilled DH, he was using powder etc. One day I saw him get the clothes out of the machine and asked him how long they had been sitting in it as I recalled the same clothes being put on a few days prior. Yep, he thought nothing of leaving them in the machine a day or two before hanging them out Angry. Had to wash everything in vinegar, dry in sun etc but after teaching him they go straight out, problem was forever solved.

JoyfulDay · 31/01/2022 08:26

why would you introduce him to your son if you weren't sure!

Planetzero · 31/01/2022 08:26

I have a friend who lived in a damp/musty flat. If I visited even for an hour I would smell of it, even in my hair. My ex used to be able to smell it on me too when I came home. I would have to shower and wash my hair straight away as it was so unpleasant.

Progress2019 · 31/01/2022 08:27

@leafcuttingwhale occasionally you need to do a really hot wash, just because nowadays we wash things on cooler washes, so we need to clear any residue from the pipes.

Also if you use your drawer, they get filthy. Take it out and give it a scrub

Every so often run your finger around the seal and make sure it’s not full of bits of playmobil, hair, teeny shells and soggy bits of tissue

There’s a filter at the bottom of your machine too, which you can venture into if you’re brave or if your machine isn’t draining properly. In my experience (ok it happened once) a hair clip was stuck there.

ramencarmen · 31/01/2022 08:27

My ex is like this now. It's clothes. Again, drying clothes on a non heated airer that probably take a couple of days. The children smell of it when they come home here. I've spoken to him (nicely) about it and he was just defensive. However, someone else mentioned it to me. I didn't tell him, and I was a bit firmer and also told him one of the kids had mentioned it (they had).

I was mortified they were going to school like that.

It does seem to have improved recently. He's stopped drinking heavily so although I don't think the smell was directly booze, I'm wondering whether he was a bit slack about getting the clothes out of the machine, hanging them up etc. In addition.

The smell is pretty rotten. You need to be blunt.

blobby10 · 31/01/2022 08:29

My Oh used to have clothes that smelled musty particularly thick rugby shirts as he used to 'dry' them on an airer in a cold room like your man or in a condenser drier then leave them for a couple of days - suspect he didn't empty the condenser enough so it didn't dry things properly and they remained damp. Mine has moved in with me for a few weeks til his new home is sorted and funnily enough now he uses my washing machine and tumble drier his clothes dont smell!

Dogstar78 · 31/01/2022 08:29

@Hadharra my partner was like this when we met. It was the way he was washing his clothes and not helped that there was some damp in his house behind the wardrobe and he wasn't good at opening windows. This is a man with a pretty high powered job and not stupid. I said something, he didn't like it initially. However, it did make him aware and then would ask if something smelt. When I moved in I took control of everything and it obviously vanished. Even now he is not allowed near the washing machine. How he thinks stuff will actually get washed is beyond me.

IcicleIcicle · 31/01/2022 08:30

No derision here leafcuttingwhale and you can buy washing machine cleaner (Dettol one is the best IMO) which you just run through your machine on a 90 degree wash. I also wipe inside the door seals round as they get mucky and give the drawer a clean every so often, that's it!

girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 08:30

@leafcuttingwhale you can buy washing machine cleaner. It's about £3 in supermarkets and will be somewhere near the detergent.
I recommend the Dettol one. Just follow the instructions.

You'll also want to clean the rubber on the inside of where the door closes. You can do that with hot soapy water. Press the rubber down and you'll probably find some money if you've never cleaned it before Grin

NinaDefoe · 31/01/2022 08:31

@Toanewstart22

I’m guessing he is a loner and doesn’t have any friends or lose family?
Not having other people to wash his clothes makes him a loner ?
girlmom21 · 31/01/2022 08:32

Also if you use your drawer, they get filthy. Take it out and give it a scrub

I use the liquid that you put in the drum but noticed the other day the drawer gets manky even if you don't use it because the machine still works like it would if you were using it, so it's best to clean the drawer regardless Smile

AnnaSW1 · 31/01/2022 08:34

@PossiblyDreaming I thought everyone could smell rain. Is that not the case??